Mark, you are the first person I have seen describe crossing to the other side of the street to not scare someone. I used to think I was being over the top for doing so.

I find this interesting, esp as I have another paper showing that there’s no gender voting difference between men and women any longer. Doesn’t say much for the Mars & Venus view of the world….

Dr Pathologist at work: ‘So who’s Veni, Vidi and Vicki?’

…

As for trusting, Kim and I both sport gravatars which are excellent likenesses, so you can trust both of us, of course.

Twice I’ve regarded my trust as seriously betrayed, and that was by people I thought I knew and was prepared to trust. However in both cases it was only financial damage and not a direct threat to my person.

Whereas a couple of other times I found myself in very dodgy places (eg: third dens of vice in the wee small hours) with things very turning nasty, only to be safely extricated by complete strangers I had to trust.

As to neighbourhood cultures, as a long time inner city denzien - and self-confident and solidly built (at least around the middle) white male - in various cities, I’ve never felt threatened in any of them the way I would at a lonely outer suburban railway station when a bunch of pissed and testosterone-amped louts spills out onto the platform.

But as Sachmo points out, it’s always worth keeping a weather eye on the street dynamics around you. A good tip when travelling through high-mugging risk regions, is to pack a wallet with nothing it but a few bucks poking out, so if you get bailed up toss the wallet. They’ll pretty much always go after that not you, providing some “get the fuck out of there” time.

However I also like the fact that in inner city villages, the trust can go both ways in little ways, like the corner shop giving you ciggies on tick or the local hardware store lending you a ladder ‘cos you locked your keys inside.

Cheers, Mark.

Sorry I made it such an individual thing, but the trust I gave, lost, and abused has affected the way I deal with every single person I come across, personally or otherwise. It partly describes my position (or my perception of my position) in society.

A few unrelated (or not) things come to mind. In Moscow, there aren’t many official taxis and those that are, are expensive. The done thing — and I assume this dates back to Soviet days when petrol etc was tough to come by and people have to jerry rig their social relations to maximise opportunities — is to flag down a random car, agree a price and go. I initially baulked at the idea because essentially it is hitch hiking which I would never,ever, ever, ever, ever do here. But it is amazing how you quickly you can ditch your principles when youre pissed, its 2.30am, its 20 below and the metro has closed. Vitually all the drivers who picked you up were men, which ratchets up the what-were-you-thinking-are-you-insane factor and I still haven’t told my mum. But it was common practice, it was accepted and despite dozens of these trips I only ever had one situation which was dodgy and even that was far more comical than threatening. I would never do it here though, and of course Aussie drivers wouldnt stop. Its a culture thing, yo.

Also, in my position as Professional Killjoy Skeptic I think people are far too trusting in many situations. People can be fooled and fool themsleves so easily, the powers of the minds to create patterns and meaning where objectively there is none is truly awesome. People believe what they see on A Current Affair about the latest cancer quackery or diet pills. They forward on the most ridculous urban myth chain letters.They are disinclined to believe there as many hustlers in the world than there are. They accept at face value things which take about five seconds of critical thought to bust apart. And when I say “them” I really mean “I”. I’m a very trusting person which can often translate to gullibility and so as a defence the last couple of years have been an exercise for me in becoming more aware, more skpetical and less “trusting” in that sense.

That’s fucked, what happened to you. Good on you for boxing on since.

I don’t want to address this just to you, and I hope it doesn’t sound trite, but despite things that have happened to me which have lessened my desire to trust, I’ve found that openness to people really pays off. You just need to cut your losses when it’s betrayed too often.

I used to be extremely shy - which held me back in a lot of areas - and over the years that changed. One strange milestone for me was being extremely ill last year which gave me quite a different perspective on things. I’ve also found it extremely liberating to reflect on the insight that almost nothing is as bad as you might anticipate it being.

Trying not to sound too emo or Oprah - or to usurp Miss Piss’ promised agony aunt blog column.

I was also raped by an ex-boyfriend in his unit in Hamilton. He lived in a fully secure penthouse with a couple of housemates and was surrounded by other units and homes. Lights were on and I could see people were moving around in their cosy little houses, but nobody moved when I screamed for help.

I have serious trust issues, but I smile when I remember being able to leave the door unlocked and the car windows open with music blaring out of it — the soundtrack and background to my childhood before it went pear-shaped.