The Call of Stoush, which brings us all to blog
is amplified whenever the topic’s sex.
Pop music banter steps it up a cog,
and what inevitably happens next?
All our kitschy smutty thoughts in the end go
Onto the keyboard and in-nuendo.
Now we celebrate a year of Higgins,
the thread that all commenters understand
To be one which very much embiggens
all contributions. I hereby demand
Acknowledgement of this date with some terse
(or lengthy) doggerel, rhyme or verse.
If, reader, you think you can do better—and you should—the comments field is yours. All entries must either rhyme or conform to some other poetical form.
Missy Higgins’ sexuality was a classic topic,
As was TEH HIVE MIND biopic.
Liam’s bet
Now a debt
All with many a fantastic pic!
I laboured on a poem
but the spaminator ate my tome.
The question is Missy a lesbian
Is that worse than being a thespian?
After all Kylie came from Neighbours
So is Missy still an underarm shaver
Missy Higgins, who is she?
I only know her from LP
I understand she’s rumoured Sapphic
Please favour me with proof that’s graphic.
She’s not so prissy
she’s our Missy
She’s not a bogan
like haiku hogan
She’s not so preachy
Like Alberichi
She’s not Danish
Like Mark Bahnisch
She’s not a nerd
Like Graham Bird
She don’t like fellas
Like Kimberellas
She’s not a hoon
like Jason Soon
She ain’t so showy
As is our Zoe
There ain’t no throb
Like gorgeous Rob
She don’t get stroppy
As does Jack Strocchi
She won’t give what-for
to Mr Fyodor
She won’t embiggen
Professor Quiggin
She’ll do a precis
Eluding JC
She went and stunned it
For Evil Pundit
She said, “just blow me”
to Miss Naomi
She built a shed
for j_p_z
She was the fleetest
Lefty Elitist
She went to flog
Good ol’ tigtog
She set the feeler
For Christine Keeler
She tamed a panda
For Miss Amanda
She shaved her hair
for timmy blair
She cut down redwoods
For Steve Edwards
She tried to dub
Steve at the pub
She went and turfed ‘em
For Tim at Surfdom
She jacked off
For Nabokov
She’s just our Missy
Our kissy-kissy
No fits of Hissy
She’s just our Missy …
Oft wondered by LP’s plebians,
Is if Ms Missy Higgins is a lesbian,
The question of course
has become a comments tour de force
But computationally we really want know if she is big-endian.
To a slightly modified arrangement of “We Sail the Ocean Blue” from Gilbert and Sullivan’s HMS Pinafore:
Missy sails the aural white,
and she looks, I’ll say it, dorky,
so rather than enlight,
LP’s crew told the odd porky
When the searchers come by, and they wondered loud why,
we stood to our guns all day,
Is she gay, we don’t know, but some teens wished us woe,
“Stop pickin! She roolz! You’ll all pay!”
Tenors (and sopranos, seeing we’re a mixed crew): Ahoy ahoy!
Basses (and altos): Is she really gay?
Tenors: Ahoy ahoy!
Basses: Frankly who’s to say!
All: And who gives a toss, it’s the modern day….
On her love life we’re not sure, but her music we’re more certain,
She’s our favourite lipsniger, but we’d happ’ly drop the curtain,
Give us Blasko, or Bowditch, or even Beth O,
whose stylings our ears agree,
But then we’d take nothing but Higgins non-step,
if that’d force Delta to flee.
Missy Higgins sniggers her lips,
So we respond with our quips,
we don’t know if she’s gay
and frankly whooooooo’s to say?
I think that I shall never see
A poem as lovely as Missy
I wish Missy came from Nantucket . . .
We’ve debated some big ‘uns,
But none like Ms Higgins,
She holds our attention,
and demands the prevention
of discourse academic,
We prefer some polemic:
She’s of same-same notion?
Is Lesbos in the ocean?
Missy’s PA went spac
And went on the attack
Which caused no one to change tack
But there was lipsnigerin behind her back
I fear I cannot get in line
To gossip ’bout this famous Strine.
I guess I cannot flip my wig-gins
To gossip ’bout Miss Missy Higgins.
For Missy H., I cannot root;
I cannot root a single toot.
(Were I to toot, it would be moot.
My tootings, thus, are set to ‘Mute’.)
I will not speak about her business.
I have no idea who she is-ness.
[j_p_z, squandering the legacy of Ogden Nash.]
‘root’ above, understood of course in the yank usage, not the Strayan.
Oh dear, j_p_z, we may be writing prose. We will get a flayin’ !
I thnik I’ll let the question pass
Who on earth gives a rat’s a**se?
I’ve hardly been outside my closet in days,
’cause I don’t feel that I deserve the rainbow’s shine.
The darkness helped until the i was drunk to the top with whiskey,
And it was then I realize the conscience always fades.
When you’re young you need to face show out this look of your life:
That you’ll be scrupulous and one day even get a wife.
And you make boundaries you’d never dream to cross,
And if you happen to you that i’m completely lost i dont give a f$%&&.
But I will kick your asses, be sure that
I will kick until you’ll shut the f$ยท% up of this rumour
.
xD
LOve you Missy…LittLe AuSSie AnGel xD
Only 4 MIssy fans:
churupacos@hotmail.com
I want to meet Missy fans plzzzz
When will she make a tour in Europe???????????
Pat
MISSY HINGINS IS DA BOMB
And I Must Say This:
Bum
Who gives a %@*k if Missy Higgins is a “lesbian”, homosexuals are people just like us…!
Oh thou that thinkest “we so smart”
Discussin’ politics, philosophy and art
Canst not in substantial talk much bother
But will rave on hours yackety-yack Big Brother
>
Is’t this modern virus’d culture doom
Escapist we reality’s gloom
That ’stead of decidin’ the solution cruncher
Spend we the year blah-blah-blah…
>
Is this girl a carpet muncher?
>
Oh forget the legislation
If desire you attention from the nation
Leave aside the serious chalice
And, speculative, post: who’s porking Paris?
>
Is Shane Warne reformed and true now?
And Britney Spears dropped thirty ludes, Wow.
And Lindsay Lohen’s thrown a fit
And Missy Higgins, a dyke?…
>
Care I not, her music’s shit.
Incidentally, what has happened to Comrade Liamista, from Tierra del Stoush?
The Sexual Epitaph of Missy Higgins
by Ezra “Beaver” Pound
Lies here the libido of Missy Higgins
Christ only knows who she was friggin’
Un-earthed, as they say, by Triple J
To be buried in blogs by cruel hearsay.
The point of this interest
to put at its simplest
that herness or hisness
is quite her own business