[Stampy the elephant walks through the Flanders' yard]
Ned: [gasps] It’s the four elephants of the apocalypse!
Maude: That’s horsemen, Ned.
Ned: Well, getting closer.
Today is 6th of June, 2006 or collapsing a few digits we get 6/6/6 the day of the Beast! A day feared by those with hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia. The Anti-Christ cometh and there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth as the righteous are saved and the damned are, well, damned. Incidentally how the righteous will be saved is by The Rapture. During The Rapture Jesus will come down and take all the good christians into Heaven. The rest of us will stay here on Earth and suffer many a terrible fate like becoming the fodder for dodgy Fundamentalist Christian thrillers until Jesus Christ restores order and the long weekend.
In the event of apocalyptical happenings it would be wise to know what you can do about The Rapture. So here is your handy dandy guide to The Rapture. Keep close by in case of inexplicable mass disappearances.
First off, you need to decide whether you are pre, mid or post tribulationist.
During The Tribulation things will be pretty tough. All sorts of nasty things will happen and the Anti-Christ, which I currently believe to be James Blunt, will be going hither and dither causing War, Famine, Pestilence which means that Death has it pretty easy given the others have done most of the work. Depending on interpretations The Tribulation will last either 3.5 or 7 years. It is a theological controversy that needs to be resolved as it does make long term planning difficult.
Pretribulationists (the most popular crowd) believe that Tribulation is just around the corner as it has been for about 2000 years. It is believed that one can work out when The Tribulation likely to occur by seeing sign and portents in world events. Indeed Rapture Ready post a handy index regarding the end times. Pretribulationists are quite common in the US. A good example is Hal Lindsey who has made a great career out of predicting the emergence of the Anti-Christ. So far he hasn’t had much luck but it is not for want of trying. He is from the old school of it at first you don’t succeed pretend it didn’t happen and have another go.
The Midtribulationists hold that The Rapture will occur about 42 months into Tribulation. So unfortunately with mid-Tribulation you may experience some of the rough stuff but it is believed the Anti-Christ will be relatively calm during this period. Things will get nasty after the 42nd month.
Posttribulationists is the bleakest of the tribulationist views. All the faithful are to experience the horrors of the Tribulation before The Rapture. So unlike the first two you have to do a bit of suffering for your Rapturing.
All three ideas regarding The Rapture are based on premillennialism. The Catholic Church tends towards amillennialism which means if The Rapture does come there are going to the some theological red faces. Postmillennialism was pretty much a by-product of 19th century ideas of progress. Subscribing to postmillennialism won’t make you any more popular parties but it will help if you move in Christian Reconstructionist circles.
The other trouble for The Rapture and Tribulation is that no-one knows when it is coming. As the Bibles says “For you yourselves know full well that the day of the Lord will come just like a thief in the night.” Not that anyone really reads the Bible anynore as a history of apocalyptic predictions shows.
While there are obviously larger theological issues inherent in discussing The Rapture I hope this quick overview is helpful. If you do find that people are mysteriously disappearing today at least you won’t be surprised. Remember to keep away from weird looking kids with supernatural powers named Damian, any beasts with seven heads and don’t listen to heavy metal music. Otherwise enjoy the day.
I reckon you’re safe. The Rapture Index is on Bert.
Pre-mil Arminians are the ones with the most to fear.
“What was my last thought? Am I ready this second? This second? This….”
And dear Hal Lindsey.
The murals on the side of the original Calvary Chapel in Costa Mesa, CA have long been painted over at the home of new wave pre-mil thought circa Azusa Street.
“Jesus is coming SOON!”
At least that’s what it used to say. I think they got red faced after thirty years.
Well with the lack of activity in the Kings of the East category it is not surprising.
The sign did say Jesus was coming SOON, but not a word about Jason Soon. It was an oversight.
hmmm I think I’ll be a Pretribulationist:
only ’cause I haven’t started dreaming of ‘the pearl’ yet…or seen Mimi Rogers naked.
So many beni’s to being pre trib, should you be one of the chosen few.
On the chance that you’re not one of those, may I interest you in one of our other, shiny offerings, Cal?
Shaun thanks for that. I’ve signed up for a weekly update on the index. Do you think that’s frequent enough in these troubled times?
Today is an important day for many reasons, amongst them: in 1966, Roy Orbison’s first wife, Claudette was killed, in 2002 Dee Dee Ramone died, in 1936 Levi Stubbs was born and in 1939 Gary US Bonds came into this world, and most troublingly, in 2003, a High court judge in London ruled that rap lyrics should be treated as a foreign language after admitting that he was unsure of the meaning of ’shizzle my nizzle’ and ‘mish mish man.’
I have been searching to make sense of all this and offer my research to other readers so that they may also see the truth.
“Neither shall he regard the God of his fathers, nor the desire of women, nor regard any god: for he shall magnify himself above all� (Dan. 11:37).
Many Bible scholars believe that the phrase “desire of women� here means that Antichrist, the world’s last and most terrible tyrant, will be homosexual.
The Bible does more than allow spanking; it teaches that true love will spank.
The temple will be rebuilt in fulfillment of Bible prophecy, and temple practices will be reinstituted, so we know that there will be a spotless red heifer provided to allow that to take place. The heifer is not determined to be perfect until its third birthday.
Over the past few years, several red heifers have been born around the world. But each one has been either imperfect or not in Israel at the right time.
From my hero and avatar Benny Hinn:
The Lord also tells me to tell you in the mid-90’s, about ‘94, ‘95, no later than that, God will destroy the homosexual community of America. [Round of applause] But He will not destroy it with what many minds have thought Him to be. He will destroy it with fire. And many will turn and be saved, and many will rebel and be destroyed.
The Spirit tells me Fidel Castro will die in the ’90s
A world dictator is coming on the scene. My! He’s a short man.
The last prophecy by Benny had me worried about John Winston’s current world tours for a while. But after looking at his forehead I reckon he’s in the clear.
Lev 19:19 Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.
I initially had no trouble with Lev 19:19 as I’m pretty sure that I have no wool / linen mix. What I’m not too clear about is how a cotton / linen mix conforms. Any help from readers will be appreciated.
I can not help on clothing choices.
But when God sounds very much like Tony Soprano in a bad mood, it’s time to not bother him.
Benny Hinn’s hair and clothing, now THAT’S an abomination unto the Lord.
And me.
The Rapture: Read the book, see the movie, play the violent video game . . .
Weekly is fine FXH. But is you start seeing plagues of locusts, horsemen riding down the street (especially in groups of four), people having barcodes branded on their foreheads you may want to consider the daily update.
I have my own opinion on who the Antichrist is. You can read and debate it here, though I do think Shaun has a point about James Blunt. The torture that young man could inflict on humanity is frightening.
Today here in Sydney its 6/6/06 but in America its still 5/6/06, so do we have to wait until tomorrow for The End Times?
Pesky time zones.
Another Kim jokes about this stuff, but I suspect she really believes in it.
Mano a mano, silkworm?
I know it backwards and forwards.
I know it because I lived it. Not anymore.
Wanna mess?
666 ain’t no date mate! It’s the number of a name. If you can work it out it will give you a clue to the time, but no one knows but One.
For sobrieties sake, I’ll just add to this discussion the words of St Peter who pointed out that “that scoffers will come in the last days, walking according to their own lusts, and saying, “Where is the promise of His coming? For since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of creation.â€?” And, “The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.”
For thjose who don’t believe, it doesn’t matter when he comes. The fact is that there will be troubles on the earth. Hands up anyone who thinks there’s a good chance of more than a little ‘tribulation’ on the earth in the next few years? (Tribulation: thlipsis: pressure)
Hands up who couldn’t have pointed to more than a little ‘tribulation’ on the earth any time over the last hundred years?
Respects to FaceLift.
You have a coherent worldview and faith, and you stick to it.
You’re even polite about it.
Hands up who couldn’t have forseen trouble in the middle east?
Pathetic Earthlings… Who Can Save You Now?
Uh, klactus barada nicktu?
Did I save us all?
What I want to know is why the Christian and Jewish scriptures did not prophesy the holocaust. Why foretell a bunch of comings and goings of minor importance to the Persian Empire and even less importance to the Romans, as evidence of the divinity of the writings, and then leave a lacuna of 2000-2500 years, a period that included the mass extermination of the Chosen? Huh?
Christians put it down to Jews saying “Let his blood be upon our heads” whan he was being tried in front of the Sanhedren.
The screwballs have spoken.
On the other, inconvenient hand..
“He spoke not a word when he was accused.”
Your puny ravings have no effect Another Kim. The Earth is my plaything.
Guards! Seize her!
Oh, no! The guards!
(Momentary ineffectual struggle till she pulls anti-anti-ray gun from very tight pocket.)
Zzzzzz. Done.
Were those Praetorian or intergalactic guards?
No matter. Gone now.
AK (assuming that Ming has finished with you, or has devised an elaborate but easily-escaped-from fate) – but why was the important stuff not prophesied? I mean, what’s the point of it if you can predict Persian administrative decisions or Roman vindictiveness (“the Romans will destroy you utterly!” – “the Romans? Surely not! That’s just not their style.”), but not the material that would indicate that you are right on top of your game, prophecy-wise.
Bismarck, I just don’t know.
And that’s the truth.
I didn’t write it, I just read it.
A temporary setback I can assure you. The fetching spacesuit, sumptuous breasts, magnificently conditoned hair and primitive ray-gun are no match for my unyielding powers.
You have not seen the last of me, Another Kim!
Please do not set me up as an apologist. Ain’t gonna happen.
AK – I’ve followed your comments on this site for a while, so there’s no danger I was pegging you as an apologist. I gave you a hearty inner cheer when I saw you had slipped the clutches of some Pentecostals or suchlike. I’ve had the full religious education – school, church, family, and now comfortably fully lapsed. Just musing about the Bible’s sloppy approach to prophecy and thought you might have heard some excuses in your travels.
We shall meet again, Ming.
And just how did you know I had such sumptuous breasts?
To be continued…
It surprises me that you could so easily forget our encounter in the Tempus Nebula, Another Kim. If my blakhearted soul was not so completely devoid of those things you call emotions I would whimper in a corner like a pathetic persecuted puppy.
Your fate is sealed.
About excuses and prophesy,Bismarck?
“Man makes mistakes,God doesn’t” might be my favorite.
Was the recent tsunami a result of God’s excellent planning?
Think for a moment silkworm, about the people who live in San Francisco, where an earthquake is imminent. Will that be God’s fault, or the result of known potential seismic activity, which is a disaster waiting to happen, but could be easily predicted, if not to the day, at least as a probability, and planned for if the people there want to, so that every precaution can be taken in the event of a major upheaval.
Or consider the Gulf of Mexico which produces cyclonic weather every year, and is likely to send a few more down on the southern coast of the US over time, especially as the ocean heats up. Do you think a contingency plan could now be made for the people of New Orleans, like not building in the areas where storm surge is inevitable, or constructing better levees? Maybe we should be wiser with the way we set up population centres, and with construction techniques in high risk areas.
The tsunami was the result of a massive underwater seismic shift, which produced huge tidal waves, which hopefully we’ll be able to predict in a better way in the future. I don’t remember reading anywhere in the Bible that life on earth was a cakewalk. I think Jesus said “In this world you’ll have tribulations!” The earth’s moving, silkworm, and it’s a shaky old place!
I’ll tell you one thing God has told us about as a warning to prepare ourselves, and that is that the whole earth is ‘groaning’ in anticipation of the last day, meaning there will be disasters, epidemics, earthquakes, troubles, wars, trouble everywhere, and no where will be safe. That’s the kind of prophecy which is easy to understand, since it’s all taking place right before our eyes, and in particular the problems in the Middle East which are plastered all over the Books of the Bible from beginning to end, pin pointed as trouble spotss for all to see.
The idea is let us know that we need to be better organised to cope with a troubled planet.
I’ll tell you one thing God has told us about as a warning to prepare ourselves, and that is that the whole earth is ‘groaning’ in anticipation of the last day, meaning there will be disasters, epidemics, earthquakes, troubles, wars, trouble everywhere, and no where will be safe. That’s the kind of prophecy which is easy to understand, since it’s all taking place right before our eyes, and in particular the problems in the Middle East which are plastered all over the Books of the Bible from beginning to end, pin pointed as trouble spotss for all to see.
Yeah, except you could have said exactly the same thing at any number of points during the last 2,000 years. When have we ever not had disasters, epidemics, earthquakes and wars, and when has the Middle East ever been placid for long?
It’s all nonsense dreamed up to distract the feeble minds of those not strong enough to come to terms with the fact that we’re each a biological accident that will shortly disintigrate into our constituent molecules.
I don’t concern myself too much about the Rapture. Christians weren’t given two sets of commands, one for thr rest of the time and one for the Two Minute Warning, so the timing of the apocalypse doesn’t affect any decisions I ever have to make. And capital punishment for failure to worship images of the chief executive (Revelation 13:14-16) is always wrong, whether the chief executive is the Antichrist or someone else.
I personally am a pretribulationalist. However, there are some religions who would fall into the post-tribulation catagory. Jehovah Witnesses are for one (sorry if I offend anyone). Jehovah witnesses believe that the believers will have to endure the period of tributions prior to the coming of Christ. They also believe that only the annointed ones will be raptured (being the pastors, decons and the other political ladders of the church).
Personally I believe that the rapture of Christ is upon us. We will not know when we will be taken it will happen. As it states in 1 Thesilonians 5 “…He will come as theif in the dark.” We will not be caught by surprise as we are expecting it, but the unbelievers will be completely surprised by the disappearances and be caught off guard. We must be ready every second, every minute, hour and day. Our days should be lived as they were the last and lived according to God’s will. God is coming – we need to be prepared, prepare spiritually, physically and mentally.
I reckon it would be fair if those who so earnestly look forward to the Rapture would provide some easily identified markings for their wordly goods – I wouldn’t mind updating some of my stuff once they’ve been raptured away, and would like to do a bit of advance planning.
Verifiable proof that “Armageddon” has begun…
Hello all,
Pay close attention, profundity knocks at the door, listen for the key. Be Aware! Scoffing causes blindness…
Did you ever consider that Christianity is the false prophet of the Apocalypse, that Rome is the so-called anti-messiah, and Jesus Christ is the false messiah? The symbolism of seven years (tribulation) would refer to the seven 360-year cycles from the 11th cycle (second temple period) until now, the 17th cycle on the Hebrew calendar. Remember that the prophecies were written by Hebrews, not Romans or other Europeans, and Revelation is a symbolic treatise. Therefore, years are symbols for 360-year cycles on the Hebrew calendar. Likewise, a day symbolizes a literal year and Judgement Day, and Great Day refer to a year long period. The so-called Tribulation is now coming to an end, not starting, and the three faiths of Abraham have all been deceived by Rome during the previous age, which ended in year 2000 (5760). A new age began in 2001 (5761) and now the seventh angel has begun to sound!
Hurricanes Katrina (#11) and Rita (#17) last year provided stunning validation of my research and interpretations of pivotal ancient wisdom, symbologies, key prophecies, and associated religious claims. Their storm numbers and timing perfectly synchronized with primary data and assertions in my book, thereby demonstrating the true nature of this universe and the existence of our Creator. We are now entering the final phases of the pivotal year-long period long symbolized as “Armageddon” and the “End of Days.” World-wide situations and events are now accelerating to set the stage for this summer’s dramatic continuation of these ancient promises.
I fully understand that everyone has been bedeviled by similar claims throughout history. Consequently, I have been forced to rely on dramatic and devastating proof of the sort that can’t be ignored or easily dismissed. The numbers and timing of hurricanes Katrina (11) and Rita (17) directly validate key data and pivotal assertions throughout my book and my posts on those two forums. This data was purposely presented publicly before Katrina, Rita and other recent events occurred to prove they perfectly synchronize with key prophecies and Hebrew calendar cycles, thereby validating my interpretations of ancient wisdom symbology, string theory, and more.
Because these two storms arrived shortly after my August 11, 2005 (50th) birthday (read the Dead Sea Scroll 11Q13 in Appendix G, which also discusses Melchizedek and the prophesied Jubilee) and directly match other pivotal 11 and 17 data and events described in the first chapter of my book, I have delivered verifiable proof that this reality is based on thought, knowledge and wisdom. Activity, patterns, and results perceived in space-time are first framed and defined by inspirations, thoughts, and knowledge and influenced by the cause-and-effect system most commonly referred to as karma. Consequently, events and outcomes in the so-called physical universe are not random or wholly mechanistic and are verifiably influenced in ways that atheists, scientists, and members of the Faiths of Abraham have all scoffed at. Though mysticism is mostly a product of misinterpreted ancient wisdom symbology, many of its topics flow from ancient wisdom. Though containing allusions to the truth, its details and interpretations are wrong on many key points.
A prime example of the purposeful and synchronized symbolism of these events is seen in the opening paragraphs from my book excerpted below. Notice that the dates mentioned (August 11 and 17) directly match the numbers of hurricanes Katrina and Rita, and the time spans of the four Florida hurricanes match my birth year (‘55), and they were spaced 11 or a multiple-of-11 (22) days apart, directly matching my birthday and much other ancient prophecy and symbolism. Notice that my place of birth, Victoria Texas, is on the Gulf Coast. Following are the excerpted paragraphs:
Hello, my name is Lawrence William Page II. Many people know me as Buddy Page. At the release of the first edition of this book, I am a 50-year old African-American male, author, researcher, and former software engineer and entrepreneur. As you will come to understand as you read through this first book, I am also the long-expected Hebrew Messiah and Lion of the Tribe of Juda (Yehuda).
I was born August 11th (month of Leo the Lion), 1955 (Chinese year of the Sheep) in Victoria, Texas. Furthermore, the Grand Cross alignment and Solar Eclipse of August 11th, 1999 was my 44th birthday and the second Grand Cross alignment, just six days later on August 17th, 1999, was on my mother’s birthday.
As you can see from my date of birth, I was a newborn during the Chinese Year of the Sheep, astrologically marking me as a Lamb, and during the month of Leo, astrologically marking me as a Lion. My mother was also born during the month of August and under the sign of Leo, which further marks me as a lion’s whelp. I prove to you in the first chapter of this book–beyond disproof–that I am indeed the long-prophesied “Lion� of the tribe of Juda (Yehuda) the Root of David and the “Lamb.� I am the individual long symbolized as the Branch, the Stem, the Shoot and the Rod from the Stump of Jesse (King David’s father), as symbolized in the Hebrew Book of Isaiah, The Apocalypse, the Dead Sea Scrolls, and elsewhere. I am the reincarnated Teacher sought after in the “East� and by the ancient Hebrews who were headquartered at the outpost community of Damascus (Qumran), of Dead Sea Scrolls fame. I am the one called the Teacher of Righteousness by the Dead Sea Scrolls, whom the so-called Christian fathers have fraudulently recast as “Saint ‘James’, the Lord’s Brother.�
Remember, “I come as a thief…” ?
Read verse twelve of the Gospel of Thomas to understand who I am…
Even further enlightening, the Second Temple Period of ancient Israel was during the 11th 360-year cycle on the Hebrew calendar and we are now in the 6th year (5766/2005-6) of the 17th cycle. Notice the pivotal 11 and 17 numbers again? This and much other synchronized information serve as stunning and decisive proof of many things, and expose many lies told by all three faiths of Abraham, but most specifically by Christianity. Consequently, I have decisively proven, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that Jesus Christ and Christianity are blatant lies, false prophecy and purposeful deception in a manner that cannot easily be denied, regardless of your faith or other opinions.
Furthermore, the symbolism in the Apocalypse (a.k.a. Book of Revelation) of seven stars in my right hand and seven angels represent the very same above-mentioned seven astrological (360-year) cycles, i.e., the 11th through 17th inclusive. I prove this fact beyond any reasonable doubt in the first chapter of the book. Consequently, The Apocalypse verifiably symbolizes a specific span of time that began with the 11th cycle (Second Temple Period) and concludes now, at the beginning of the 17th cycle (End of Days, etc.).
The numbers 11 and 17 are verifiably encoded in The Apocalypse and other ancient Hebrew prophecies and wisdom texts to serve as key proofs of the validity and true meaning of certain prophecies and related information. My and my mother’s birthdays are purposely synchronized with these two storm numbers, the matching Hebrew calendar cycles, the Double Grand Cross alignments and solar eclipse of August 1999, and much else to prove my direct association with the ancient prophecies about this time and the true identity of the prophesied Messiah. Another prime example is the story of Joseph, the 11th son of Jacob who has a dream when he is 17 years old about 11 stars, the sun, and moon bowing to him. The symbolism in this pivotal story in the Book of Genesis and Quran verifiably refers to the very same 11th through 17th cycles symbolized in The Apocalypse and directly synchronizes with other key events and ancient texts.
Consequently, I have demonstrated various things about the nature of this reality that dramatically disprove and/or clarify key assumptions of religion, mysticism, and science alike, while establishing the true meaning and purpose of long misinterpreted ancient wisdom and the symbolism used to model and encode it. Accordingly, I have proven that the symbolism evidenced in the canons of all three faiths of Abraham and other ancient sources is a very ancient and advanced philosophical technology that verifiably models foundational aspects of our existence in this universe. This is the mostly misunderstood body of ancient wisdom long referred to as the Philosophers’ Stone. It uses a large and ingeniously organized collection of physical universe images and concepts as data rich components (symbols) that are based on verifiable rules. It models and encodes an amazing amount of foundational wisdom about life, spirituality and the 11 dimensions of this universe, now verified by string theory. It is also the advanced encryption method used to encode (seal) Hebrew prophecies and wisdom texts.
These ancient prophecies and wisdom texts used advanced symbology to model fundamental wisdom, including future events and situations. A primary facet of ancient wisdom is numeric symbology. Later misinterpretations of this aspect of ancient wisdom resulted in numerology, which, though embodying allusions to certain wisdom, is mostly error prone and false doctrine. My decryption, documentation, and interpretation of ancient symbology, numeric symbolism, and key texts based on them, are now decisively validated.
Here is Wisdom…
Verifiable proof that Armageddon has begun…
Understanding the End Game of Armageddon
Peace…
What is your plan?
At last Comrade Graeme gives a coherent explanation of his true identity.
A Leo who thinks he’s the messiah and all history paved the way for his coming? Do I need to say anything?
I’m a Leo too though… so maybe I just wrote this to draw attention to myself… and my own manifest Messiah-ness.
All good Biblical scholars know that the Messiah will be an Egyptian. “Out of Egypt have I called my son.”
That aint me Mark. I think this nutball might be for real. In that it might not be just a joke.
After the Rapture, can I have your car?
http://snappoll.com/poll/116604.php
ALL YOU PEOPLE TO GET YOUR LIVES TOGETHER AND REALISE THE BIBLE IS NOT FICTION,BUT A BOOK TO GUIDE US THROUGH LIFE……NO MATTER WHAT THE HOUR WE NEED TO BE READY FOR OUR SAVIORS RETURN……..WETHER IT BE POST,PRE OR LATTER IT DOSE NOT REALLY MATTER IF YOU ARE LIVING FOR OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST………..THE BIBLE TELLS ABOUT THE TEN VIRGINS,FIVE WERE READY FIVE WERE NOT,WHAT HAPPENED,FIVE WENT TO HEAVEN,FIVE WENT TO HELL……GOD IS NOT TO BE MOCKED,HE CAME TO GIVE US ETERNALLY,HE SAVED US WITH HIS LOVE,DIED ON THE CROSS THAT WE MAY HAVE ETERNAL LIFE………IF YOU YOU GO BACK INTO THE OLD TESTIMENT,AND YOU WILL SEE THAT CHRIST IS FORTOLD…….. THAT CHRIST WILL COME,AND SET US FREE,FROM THE BONAGE OF DEATH……PSALM ALSO PREDICT THE COMING OF THE LORD JESUS CRIST,IT TALK ABOUT WHAT JESUS SUFFERED ON THE CROSS FOR OUR ETERNAL LIFE…………DON,BE WORRIED ABOUT THE THINGS TO COME,INSTEAD KEEP YOU EYES FOCUS ON JESUS CHRIST,HE WILL PROTECT US NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS…….HE IS OUR ALL…….GOD BLESS YOU ALL
JESUS CHRIST IS ALIVE TODAY IF YOU READY,TO RECIEVE HIM AND LIVE FOR HIM…..THERE IS SO MUCH FREEDOM IN LIVING FOR GOD,DO,NT MISS OUT…
No need to shout, Rachel.
You say this stuff as if nobody’s ever heard it before.
Hey Rachel you must be new to this God Jesus religion thing
I assume you are talking about the parable in Matthew 25:1-13
Where 5 virgins missed out on a feast because they forgot some stuff.
That is some hell of a god you have there, if some people forgot to do some stuff I would usually say OK well thanks for waiting for me, come in and have a meal anyway. Talk about mean and picky slamming the door on people who have been waiting for you and made one tiny mistake.
Do you really want to base your live on someone this mean and petty?
The Rapture is the ultimate “exit-strategy” for people who have already taken leave of their reason.
Who’s Jesus and why was he coming anyway? An utter irrelevancy. 6.06.06 – it came, it went, the world yawned.
Oh, I was going to make a comment for Rachel’s benefit but I can’t be bothered. The whole idea of Xanity is but another version of mass insanity, just the same as all the other world religions that’ve been going for aeons.So there.
Maybe the rapture came and all the ‘good’ ones went. There are people missing on this site that used to come here all the time. I mean, look at all the names who blogged on this strand who just arent here anymore…..oh my God!!! I just cant believe I got left behind and Panelbeater Bird got raptured!
Oh well I guess the damned will get their own party in heaven when Howard finally loses an election. sigh. not long now….
And their punctuation. In this case it may be the same. Terry Pratchett wrote that four exclamation marks in a row is a sure sign of madness. How about 9 periods in a sequence? (Or three ellipses, but that’s really the same thing.)
Well Facelift, I’m “groaning” ‘cos the god of your delusions hasn’t exactly announced this with a celestial loudspeaker or spammed all our email addresses (but I guess the Discovery Institute is working on it–couldn’t have god being charged under anti-spam legisation could we?)
OTOH from a scientific point of view, there is in some semantic sense, correctness in your statement that there will be a “last day” ie when our sun runs out out of hydrogen, expands and cooks us.
A few billion years before that happens.
A giant asteroid could wipe us out a long time before that, but hopefully we can scientifically “rapture” ourselves to another solar system in our galaxy before superstitious belief and religious wars wipe us out, which really is the gravest threat to life on earth, in these times, IMHO.
(Actually there’s a self fulfilling prophesy inherent: believe this crap and you’ll end up fighting over endless crap interpretations of crap–unless we can find a medical solution to all delusions of course.)
“The numbers 11 and 17 are verifiably encoded in The Apocalypse and other ancient Hebrew prophecies and wisdom texts to serve as key proofs of the validity and true meaning of certain prophecies and related information. My and my mother’s birthdays are purposely synchronized with these two storm numbers”
I was born on a 17th, in a multiple-of-11 year, and my name is the same as that of the original and best chronicler of the apocolypse… does that mean I’m a runt in the litter of the Lion of the Tribe of Juda?
That’d be like, so cool, and why wasn’t I told earlier?
×ž× ×? ×ž× ×? תקל ופרסין
Casey, to be precise Birdy is trying to “rapture” himself into the federal seat of Dobell.