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No responses to “The satire, it just writes itself”

  1. Mark

    Business loved the idea, saying they could put the men to work, picking fruit.

    Christ!

  2. Mark

    I guess they’re picking the bananas and mangos that are being unpeeled for the kiddies…

  3. Mark

    How do you unpeel a mango?

  4. Megami

    They want to bounce Australian kids on their knees, peel bananas and mangoes for them and teach them to play simple music instruments.

    Bugger. And here I am looking for someone that can stimulate and teach my child beyond knee bouncing and want him to learn piano…what a stuck up white b#tch I am.

    Really, is this actually parody?

  5. Kim

    Count my mind as duly boggled.

    I’m glad she got a hostile response on the comments page:

    stunned
    14 December at 04:06 AM

    Wow. Just…wow.

    I know that this column is carefully pitched to generate maximum response and outrage, and that by replying to your drivel I’m simply helping your sad career. Nevertheless, advocating blatant exploitation of “happy but less fortunateâ€? natives poorly justified as aid is a new low for you Caroline.

    How many cliches can you cram in? Peeling bananas and mangos, teaching simple musical instruments – are you even aware of how outrageous these statements are? The only real attributes that you find desirable in these “happy nativesâ€? is the fact that you could pay them a pittance and then send them back after six months.

    Wow. My jaw has got carpet burn…

    Who, pray tell, will be looking after the children of the South Pacific mothers when they leave? Perhaps they will give 6 month work visas to people from impoverished nations to look after their kids. It’s a win win situation because we all get to have nannies and maids so that we can all earn more money to buy more stuff we don’t need, and our kids will be abandoned, displaced and very very angry all together. So many cultures achieving the same goals!

    The islanders would get a job that paid more, hey Caroline? Betcha that you wouldn’t want them being paid at the rates that would apply to an Australian-born nanny. Oh that’s right, you’re doing *them* a favour – those lucky uneducated women who can bounce your brat on their laps (while peeling a mango as well – such clever multitasking natives!)

    So of course, you’ll want to pay the bare minimum you can get away with, knowing that the South Pacific peso (I mean the Australian dollar) is worth more in their local currency (at least until the Chinese stop buying whatever we can dig out of the ground). And then you justify it in your self-declared highly educated brain that at least they have a job and that by exploiting them for your own ends, you’re actually helping them!

    Your hypocrisy is staggering.

    Surely a highly educated (hah!) and highly paid working mother such as yourself would not want to leave her breeding byproducts in the daily care of uneducated, untrained nannies whose only qualification is cheapness (and fruit peeling)? But of course all native women love children, don’t they? Money wouldn’t be the motivating factor here hmmm?

    Be careful Caroline, your standing as the self-appointed high priestess of the Australian Cult of Motherhood is at risk!

  6. Christine Keeler

    Pardon me while I pick my jaw off the ground. Local carers with qualifications just too expensive, Caroline?

    “Parents could put the women to work, doing household chores and taking care of the children.

    “The islanders would get jobs that pay more, with better conditions than they can get at home.”

    Which might go some way towards paying their sky-high major city rents, and travel expenses to their highly paid professional employers in some of the better suburbs.

    Still, I suppose it would give the Overingtons of this world another source of dinner-party conversation besides the latest hilarious events in chambers: Bitching abut the help.

  7. steve

    And another gripe of mine is when’business’ or the ‘market’ are personified.

  8. Shaun

    What with the O’Reilly post and now this I’m just flabbergasted.

  9. Alex

    They want to bounce Australian kids on their knees, peel bananas and mangoes for them and teach them to play simple music instruments.

    And

    Business loved the idea, saying they could put the men to work, picking fruit.

    ’cause afterall these brown people have much in common with monkeys with their love of fruit and all.

    But of course I suspect Overington’s real gripe is with feminists who dare to pursue a career at the expense of their poor children who will be left at home, attended by savages.

  10. steve

    Although if we take the line of the personal being the political, it all pales into insignificance compared with the decision of the Queensland DPP concerning Palm Island. OJ Simpson must be wondering why he paid lawyers when you can get the same result by living in Queensland and not needing lawyers.

  11. Mark

    Agree wholeheartedly, steve. Ken has a great post on the DPP’s decision over at Troppo:

    http://www.clubtroppo.com.au/2006/12/14/queenslands-justice-system-has-anything-changed/

  12. anthony

    OMFG

    How do you unpeel a mango

    Hold it lengthwise, tallest part vertical and then slice down either side of the stone. You can then scoop the flesh out with a spoon or carve squares in and pop out the pieces. Trim the other two sides of the mango.

    Alternatively get the Aussie kid lovin’ simple patta cakin’ help.

  13. Mark

    Yes, but it’s slicing rather than peeling!

  14. David Jackmanson

    There will be a rally at midday next Wednesday, December 20, in Queens Park, Brisbane City, to demand that Ms Clare, the DPP, should be sacked.

    Queens Park is on the corner of George and Elizabeth Sts.

  15. Francis Xavier Holden

    In Australia already the middle classes employ indentured domestic servants who love kids, peel bananas for them, cook meals for the household, do cleaning and keep house. No need to import people from the islands. Here we call them working class women.

  16. wbb

    Overington manages, in the service of her employer’s need for lively copy, to inflame opinion very well, but the issue itself is nevertheless worth discussion.

    When we bar guest workers we do this to protect local wages. If this is admitted, then I have no problem with the tightness of the argument. But implying that racism and exploitation are the outcomes of guest worker schemes is either disingenuous or naive.

  17. Katz

    I’m amazed how tone-deaf Overington is.

    Hasn’t she read Uncle Tom’s Cabin or watched Gone with the Wind?

    Or does she hang out only with people who have been specially bred to be duped by Borat?

    (On consideration, maybe that’s a necessary qualification for employment in the Murdoch stable.)

  18. wbb

    Overington has quite a back catalog too.

    This from Sept 27.

    Well, according to The New York Times, the craze right now is for… drum roll… Chinese nannies who can speak Mandarin.

    No, of course I’m not kidding. It’s simply the latest thing for affluent, Western kids.

    In fact, shouldn’t we in Australia be doing the same thing; that is, opening the door to peasant women from Asia to teach Mandarian (or Hindi?) to our young?

    These nannies have skills we need. The cost of child care is absurd, but they would come cheap. They could live in our spare rooms. I think they would be thrilled.

    Tone deaf or hitting the right not every time – her News Ltd blog sure gets a lot of comments. There’s very big money in this type of writing.

  19. observa

    Ahhhh women’s lib, aint it grand gals? And these are the same gals that wanted Howard to open the doors to economic refugees, country shopping halfway round the world.

  20. Mark

    In fact, shouldn’t we in Australia be doing the same thing; that is, opening the door to peasant women from Asia to teach Mandarian (or Hindi?) to our young?

    Or maybe we could hire an Indian graduate to teach Caroline to spell “Mandarin”? Or perhaps News could hire some Fijian sub-editors?

  21. Katz

    Here’s a more economic idea.

    Why doesn’t News Limited sack Overington and her ilk and employ peasants from assorted parts of the Third World?

    They’d be much cheaper than Overington.

    And they couldn’t possibly write greater nonsense.

    News shareholders, upon scrutinising their fattened dividend cheques, would cheer Rupert to the echo.

  22. anthony

    Mark

    You’re not setting up a peeling v slicing stoush are you?

  23. Katz

    In any case, Overington is a wimp.

    Doesn’t she know that 9/11 “changed everything”. And all Overington can conceive is a sentimental evocation of Aunt Jemima, the House Negress, tending the massa’s chillun.

    Get with the program Caroline!

    Wouldn’t pampered white brats learn much more about the real world of extremism and terror if they were exposed directly to it?

    I’ve read frequently of how keen Uganda’s Lord’s Resistance Army is for very young recruits.

    Why not pack the rug rats off to darkest Africa? Think of the life-lessons the survivors will learn.

  24. codger

    I can’t reconcile Ms O’s awb bbqing of dolly et al and this gauche golly gee heck wiz…
    http://blogs.theaustralian.news.com.au/coverington/index.php/theaustralian/comments/america_the_flawed_but_still_our_friend/
    and now brownies for babies…super…all over the shop like a mad …..’s shit…ok ok person.

  25. Brian

    I’m with wbb.

    Let’s all take a deep breath.

    Not so long ago the government rejected the notion of a guest worker scheme involving Pacific Islanders. This went down like a lead balloon with the said Islanders and parts of the government’s rural constituency.

    Canada has such a scheme where Mexicans and others from Central America come for a limited time on regular wages for seasonal jobs like harvesting fruit and veg. When our mob knocked back a similar proposal here the bananas around Innisfail were just about to come on stream. A segment I heard on the radio indicated that the local labour had largely moved on, the backpackers had given the place a miss and the farmers were struggling to get half the labour they needed.

    Silly stories like Overington’s don’t help anyone.

  26. Mark

    anthony

    You’re not setting up a peeling v slicing stoush are you?

    We Queenslanders have a certain possessive attitude towards mangoes!

  27. Bob

    Affluent cities like Singapore and Hong Kong in Asian hire nannies from the Philippines. Kids raised under those conditions turn out to be spoilt brats.

  28. Brian

    Bob, it doesn’t do much for the kids they often leave behind in the Philippines either.

  29. lynn white

    Doesn’t Ms Overington realise that the city folk who would employ the Pacific mammas live in the city, and that the fruit the husbands of the mammas would pick grows in the country?

    It’s not only racist, but geographically obtuse.

  30. Darlene

    Those first sentences made me laugh out loud.

    Hilarious.

    Personally, I’m not going to have a baby until I can get a big nigger with huge breasts to look after it for me.

  31. Megami

    Here’s a more economic idea.

    Why doesn’t News Limited sack Overington and her ilk and employ peasants from assorted parts of the Third World?

    I think that you will find a lot of news copy is now being written in places such as India (though not by peasants) and being used by newspapers around the world. Don’t know if News Limited use such schemes though.

  32. Kate

    Let me say again but possibly much more clearly: I am NOT opposed to guest worker schemes, provided that they are sensible and implemented properly and don’t disadvantage either the people who come to work for them or the countries those people are coming from.

    Also, I am not opposed to having other people care for rich white women’s children. However, there’s issues such as certification (seriously, I don’t think child care is a job that should be done by anyone with a talent for fruit-peeling and I’d be VERY wary about having someone look after my children who wasn’t someone I knew well, or at least throughly police-vetted), wage-protection, and ensuring workers aren’t exploited. Singapore, for instance, has a huge issue with the exploitation of domestic workers who are generally from other, less well-off countries in Asia. These women are usually lucky to get a day off a month, are extremely low-paid, and suffer violence and abuse quite regularly. Is this the sort of situation we want in ‘egalitarian’ Australia?

    Additionally, there’s the issue of the ‘brain drain’ facing the Pacific Islands, where their best and brightest young people leave to work overseas, further entrenching the poverty and lack of skills within local communities. This is perfectly understandable on a individual level but it’s also a genuine problem faced by disadvantaged communities the world over.

    None of this was addressed by Overington’s ridiculous statements about dark-skinned women who just love babies.

  33. Kate

    That should be ‘potential future children BTW’.

  34. Paul Norton

    A few years ago I had the idea of writing a dystopian science fiction novel in which the affluent countries would overcome their demographic decline by promoting a global commercial surrogacy racket in which women from places like Mozambique would be hired to have one for the white mum, one for the white dad and one for the contracting Western country. It’s probably just as well it didn’t get written because the likes of Overington would seize on it as a brilliant idea.

  35. ThirdCat

    I assume they’ll be bringing the bananas with them. Or can rich people afford nannies and bananas?

  36. weathergirl

    “There are [sic] a number of women… They can play pat-a-cake all day.”

    I wonder if Overington has ever visited the South Pacific? I wonder if she could give us some stats about these hordes of monomaniacal women?

  37. Gummo Trotsky

    Um – shouldn’t this go in “Asshattery” too? Just askin’.

  38. observa

    Streuth Paul, with IVF that’s not a bad idea. Takes all the wretched pain out of motherhood and the sisters can have the designer babies of their choice. Ah liberal progressivism, aint it grand?

  39. Gummo Trotsky

    Dunno about liberal progressivism, obby, but a bit of relevance and accuracy in commenting would be pleasant to see.

  40. weathergirl

    Yes, observer. You miss the point entirely. What Kate is saying is is that Overington’s argument is based on false economy: If we farm out childcare to Islander women, that might save us money, sure. (Lord knows how much local childcare workers are overpaid, the greedy bitches!) But Overington didn’t factor in how much bananas cost per kilo nowdays.

  41. wbb

    Additionally, there’s the issue of the ‘brain drain’ facing the Pacific Islands, where their best and brightest young people leave to work overseas, further entrenching the poverty and lack of skills within local communities.

    I wonder if guest worker schemes might cause less brain-drain than the current skilled migration scheme geared for permanent migration of the highly educated, although it’s pointless speculating probably, as Australian policies on this stuff will only ever be directed to achieving maximum economic outcomes for Australia.

  42. FDB

    I think Obby’s just talking about Paul sci-fi plot, rather than trying to comment substantively on the post.

  43. chris

    Articles like these make you think that Walkley Award Ms Overington won in 2004 was just plain dumb luck.

  44. funkypaws

    Well, colour me surprised. Most of Overington’s work that I’ve ever read before is all about how much women miss out on if they outsource childcare to work all hours. So which is it, Caroline?

    BTW, I’m sure the mangoes would have to be peeled. Those brown skinned people couldn’t possibly be doing with knives!!

  45. Kim

    Caroline seems to have a theme going about childcare.

    Good coverage at Audrey and the Bad Apples:

    http://audreyapple.blogspot.com/

  46. Liam

    Point of order. It’s arsehattery, if there has to be any category denoting headgear and stupidity at all, Gummo.
    I don’t think it should be, incidentally. A good hat is a sign of distinction.

  47. FDB

    Likewise a good arse, Liam, but together perhaps not.

  48. tigtog

    Liam, I trepidatiously note that recently I have been seeing in the wild the dreaded coinage “assberet”.

  49. Liam

    Only in North America, I hope. The article anywhere else is an arseberet.

  50. Christine Keeler

    Why, why, why oh why oh why has no-one suggested the obvious solution to the problem raised by the boneheaded perceptive CO?

    We should simply move the kiddywinks offshore.

    That way they get to experience life in idyllic island paradise, with all its attendant banana peelings, bouncings, and whatnot; mammies dignified native carers get to stay at home with families, while hubbies can still pick fruit; hardworking and highly paid North Shore Aussie mums remain free to share endless bounty by paying award wages; and CO has more time to devote to career writing drivel.

    Win win!

  51. B16fan

    The real problem, of course, is why anyone should be able to earn more money doing things other than looking after their own children, by paying less money to those who do the caring as currently happens in all our various childcare arrangements (regardless of race). Why are childcare workers not paid well?

    This indicates that caring for children is of less value than doing other kinds of work. And it’s a view I disagree with.

  52. Pavlov's Cat

    Streuth Paul, with IVF that’s not a bad idea. Takes all the wretched pain out of motherhood and the sisters can have the designer babies of their choice. Ah liberal progressivism, aint it grand?

    See, Obs would like all the wretched pain to stay in motherhood, where it belongs.

  53. wbb

    I have some sympathy for your argument, B16fan. Child-care workers are very badly paid.

    However, they do look after more than one child at a time – so one doesn’t have to necessarily earn more than a child-care worker to pay for 15-20% of a child-carer’s time.

  54. audrey

    Ooh, Caroline Overington is the bane of my life! I make it a habit of shaming her whenever one of these ridiculour pustulous bubbles spews forth from the Bog of Eternal Wench.

    I didn’t realise others took time to shame her though. Woot! Let’s make tee shirts.

  55. B16fan

    wbb, I agree. So they are paid very badly *and* they look after more than one child! Is that a classic case of “overworked and underpaid”?

    Well, I have 4 kids, so it’s not exactly that more kids means lots more work. It can mean somewhat less work, if they play well together. But in most childcare situations you are looking after a few children of about the same age, none of whom can do very much for themselves. And that *is* a lot of work.

  56. boredinHK

    “Affluent cities like Singapore and Hong Kong in Asian hire nannies from the Philippines. Kids raised under those conditions turn out to be spoilt brats. ”

    There are in fact domestic helpers (from other countries ) employed from Beijing and Tokyo in the north all the way to Jakarta in the south.
    Helpers more usually come from India ,Sri Lanka , Bangladesh, Indonesia and the Phillipines. There are a few chinese helpers also.
    A much smaller number of men are employed as drivers in the same countries.
    The standard salary for these helpers in Hong Kong is approx $HK 4000.This is about $Aussie 680 a month.
    They receive a return airfare yearly ( or cash equivalent ) , must have a living space of approx 100 sq feet ( a rule often ignored )and one day off a week.
    Depending on the employer they can be asked to work from 2 to 20 hours a day.
    They should be provided with accommodation and all meals ( the actual composition of the meal is at owners discretion )for 6 days a week.
    They can be deported or jailed if they work for other people or at other locations apart from those described on their work visa.
    There is an annual holiday which starts after 2 years employment , of one week in year 2 and for each year of employment a further day is added .
    So in year 3 the leave is 8 days .
    There are 11 statutory public holidays which are compulsory holidays also.

    The japanese don’t employ these workers as domestic helpers rather the women are offered jobs as entertainers and work as hostesses in bars and parlours. The idea of foreigners “living in” is repellant to many japanese and once japanese women marry the domestic duties are often expected to be their domain.Most domestic helpers are employed by expatriates who are from many different countries.

    In Singapore the wage is not set or protected by any agency. Hong Kong is alone in giving some protection to these workers .

    I’m not sure that the children looked after by helpers are more likely to be spoilt brats because of their experience of living with domestic helpers rather than they are often spoilt brats to start with.

    The workers themselves view such employment as an opportunity to get a better wage than any available at home and that goes for nurses and teachers. There is an enormous demand for such positions and successive administrations in the Phillipines work hard to keep their citizens in this type of work.They acknowledge that it is a terrible skills drain but rely on the foreign exchange so earnt.

  57. Mark

    Just by the by, loved Audrey’s moniker for Caroline – Ms Ove.

  58. Megami

    This indicates that caring for children is of less value than doing other kinds of work. And it’s a view I disagree with.

    Very caring and sharing of you, but I would say it takes a lot more training to do brain surgery than raise a child. Not that is of less value, but kind of specialists vs. generalist type thing (sorry this not making too much sense, my two year old is singing at me as I type).

    And Christine Keeler, genius idea of the day award to you my friend!

  59. b16fan

    Very sarcastic of you, Megami.

    Well, you can think work which requires more training is necessarily of more value if you like. The caring of a child, whether at home or by paid carers is of great importance, because of the *child*, not because of the training.

  60. MH

    Excellent response from Glen of melbourne from the Oz’s own blog comments section:

    Perhaps all of you claiming that Caroline is advocating the exploitation of ‘brown’ people could think for a moment exactly where that $5 T-shirt from K-mart was made, and how much you really do like cheap computers and budget price shoes and electronics.

    Guess what? All produced overseas with cheap labour. Just because we’re importing services rather than goods doesn’t make your self-righteous crusade to protect the ‘global underclass’ as you put it any more valid.

  61. GregM

    Yes, but it’s slicing rather than peeling!

    Mangoes are easy to peel when they’re unripened. which is the way they are often eaten in Cambodia (served with a dry salt and chilli dip, in case anyone wants to try this little gourmet tip). They’re supposed to be good at keeping the teeth clean, though looking at the general state Khmer dental hygiene I have to wonder if that is true.

  62. GregM

    Australia’s wool industry is heavily reliant on New Zealand shearers, many of whom are Maoris. They can enter Australia easily under the CER arrangements. I think Australia should extend entry for Pacific Islanders who want to work as fruit pickers because that industry is currently heavily reliant on overseas backpackers for its labour force. I’d rather see the money going to Pacific Islanders to help support their families than to some young pom or other European to fund their gap-year travels.

    It’s unskilled labouring,and back-breakingly hard work, but can be very well paid for those who can work hard and fast as the orchardists pay by the bin (half-tonne) and want to get the fruit off the trees quickly.

  63. Katz

    Just because we’re importing services rather than goods doesn’t make your self-righteous crusade to protect the ‘global underclass’ as you put it any more valid.

    This is quite illogical.

    What you mean to say is:

    The importation of cheap products made by exploited labour renders hypocritical a “crusade” to prevent the importation of providers of cheap services.

    And this isn’t true.

    Persons who are employed to make cheap products in their own countries have the option of political action to change the conditions of their work. This is true even though their freedom of action may be circumscribed by local law.

    Yet, when they are transported to another country “guest workers” immediately lose rights relative to the people among whom they live. Their existence as political beings is more or less expunged.

    Therefore the parallel asserted is factually incorrect.

  64. sublime cowgirl

    AS it happens, when we lived in Cairns we had Papua New Guinean neighbours, and lucky for me… i happened to have a gorgeous bunch of young girls (aged between 8 and 15) who fell over themselves to bounce my babies on their knees, sing songs and peel bananas for them – for nix – (and i’ve got the photos to prove it).

    Their dad/uncle (it was a rather large and extended family) was pretty high up with the SP Beer Company, flush with money and had sent his family down to Aust for the educational opportunities.

    The ironic thing is that, by comparision, we were the poor ones by miles!!)
    :)

  65. Bernice

    Ove’s idyllic employment opportunities for Islander women rather horribly reminds me of apartheid – middle and ruling class homes with little shacks in the bottom of the garden where the maid/nanny lived. Who if she was lucky might pop back to family on weekends. Not likely if home is several hours flight away. An experience many migrant workers throughout SE Asia could illuminate for Ove’s benefit.

  66. j_p_z

    boredinHK: “There is an enormous demand for such positions, and successive administrations in the Phillipines work hard to keep their citizens in this type of work. They acknowledge that it is a terrible skills drain, but rely on the foreign exchange so earnt. ”

    It’s that last clause that bothers me the most. The steady and increasing growth of ‘remittance economies’ throughout the Third World is maybe an even bigger problem than the so-called ‘brain drain.’ Entire countries structure their finances on the sheer, dumb expectation of checks sent back home, from poor people whom they have effectively forced out of their native land through the home country’s incompetence. Yes, it’s a free-market transaction in a manner of speaking, but then so is the crack-whore trade. Instead of improving their own internal economic-political structure, some Third World governments just keep bingeing on stupidity and corruption, and hoping that their hard-working overseas relatives will keep them afloat. Think of it — an economy based on sentimental attractions! It’s pathetic, and these governments ought to start being called on it. Remittances from immigrants and guest-workers back to foreign countries should be heavily taxed, just to wean these imbecile governments off their crutches and make them start finding practical solutions to take care of their own people.

    GregM: “Mangoes are easy to peel when they’re unripened. which is the way they are often eaten in Cambodia (served with a dry salt and chilli dip…”

    Slice the mango, Naaman, and dress it
    With white wine, sugar, and lime juice.
    Then bring it, after we’ve drunk the Moselle,
    To the thickest shade of the garden…

    –Wallace Stevens

    See, even poets like their mangoes prepared funny…

  67. Cat

    Someone may have already pointed this out, but upon scanning the Australian’s blog index, the offending article and all comments seem to have magically disappeared. How strange! One can only hope that Overington herself will follow…

  68. Mark

    Interesting!

    Vanished, but not gone, however. You can read Ms Ove’s article in full at Audrey and the Bad Apples:

    http://audreyapple.blogspot.com/2006/12/audrey-apple-and-case-of-odious-ove.html

  69. oigal

    “Affluent cities like Singapore and Hong Kong in Asian hire nannies from the Philippines. Kids raised under those conditions turn out to be spoilt brats. â€?

    Interesting but not necessarily accurate. Where I am now, it is virtually an obligation to hire a “nanny” if you have children. Minimum wages are set by the central government but few if any pay that lowest figure.

    As an expat you are expected to provide as much employment as possible in the community and for want of a better term spread the wealth. That does not make someone in and by itself an exploiter of others.
    (I am not however excusing those miserable shits in Singapore and other places who take the whole family to Mc’s, all the family eating away, while the maid looks on and holds the baby)

    The children don’t become spoilt brats because they have a nanny, they become a spoiled brat because they have lousy parents in the first place.

  70. audrey

    If you go to Ove’s backlock and click on the link through her name, you’ll find the original article. It’s not technically been wiped from the site, but I dare say the goblins at News Ltd decided they’d make it impossible to find so as not to be seen supporting one of their columnists, a la Ms Iktimal Hage Ali.

  71. Kim

    Buying a plasma tv sends a Chinese kiddy to uni, writes Ove today:

    http://blogs.theaustralian.news.com.au/coverington/index.php/theaustralian/comments/getting_your_claus_into_consumption/

    Alleviate third world poverty – spend! spend! spend!

  72. sublime cowgirl

    I’m speechless.
    that the first column of hers i bothered to read.
    Is this women for real?
    wtf?

    FOr the record Caroline, dear, THERE IS NO SANTA.

    In Australia we have the Christmas Curlew.

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