What about ball tampering a la electrical tape skewed off the seam just a bit for swing?

That’s as opposed to an ‘automatic wiki’, which is a website that generates pointless arguments all by itself.

Oh, and I remember ‘Basebrawl’, j_p_z. 70′s MAD Magazine – things just don’t get better than that.

I would also be in favour of rules that said a batter should be trying to hit the ball for runs with every ball and that the umpires would be compelled to penalise batters who don’t

I thought the beach cricket craptacular was supposed to be full of this stuff, but never managed to watch a game. In any event (and with tongue in cheek) the 20/20 cricket should be replaced with proper backyard cricket:

1) Tippety run.
2) Electric wickets.
3) Over the fence is six and out.
4) Into the back of the shed or the paling fence on the full is six. No fours.
5) Into trees on the full is out.
6) Use a metal garbage bin for the wickets.
7) One batsman at a time. Tennis ball – must be chewed by a labrador and be missing all of the fuzz.
9) Once bounce – single handed catches.
10) The umpire must wear an apron and only be on the field sporadically.
11) The ball chewing labrador is a legitimate fielder but does not bat. If he catches the ball, it’s time for cordial. First one to run back out into the backyard and grab the bat bats next.
12) No teams – whoever turns up is playing.
13) Whoever gets you out bats next.
14) Girls can bowl underarm (sorry Trevor, not you).
15) Any other rules decided by a shouting match. Umpire only to intervene when the shoving starts.
16) Game is over when somebody gets in a huff and takes their bat home or is sent home by an irate umpire.
17) Boring statistics to be replaced by idle boasts: “I made 134 against my mum last sunday” etc.

You know you want to.

Jon-a-than! Jon-a-than! Jon-a-than!

To make cricket more interesting, maybe you could take a leaf from “Shaun of the Dead,” and introduce some zombies onto the playing field. It would certainly get me to watch.

Cricket seems totally fascinating, but I think I’ve gotten too old and brain-rotten now to ever actually understand it. But I love hearing people talk about the rules and everything, it’s so unbelievably complex and arcane. And the words don’t sound like they belong in the genre of sports. It sounds more like hearing someone read from a Martian user’s-manual about how to operate an eight-dimensional laser cannon or something. Or maybe everybody is just stoned. Yeah, that’s it. Hey man. Head Bread.

The humorist Al Jaffee (he of MAD “Fold-In” fame) once considered how to liven up baseball in a similar way, and he came up with a sport he called BaseBrawl. One of its innovations was that you kept your bat with you as you ran the bases, and used it to assault the opposing players as you encountered them. Maybe you could try that.

some great Jeff Beck Group outtakes

And the name of this album please?

Yet Aus still keeps winning. Don\’t explain or complain. Just glort. Or gloat.

Easy for me to say. I\’m well in the bag thanks to Glenmorangie 18 and some great Jeff Beck Group outtakes involving Nicky Hopkins but not Rod Stewart.

\”I love ya, love ya like sugar cane
I, I love ya like sugar cane
Strip it down, sure is sweet
You keep on chewin till your dead on your feet
I get high on your sugar cane
Its the only thing baby that keeps me sane
Its so nice to have you near
Someone so close and so dear
I, I love ya like sugar cane
Strip it down, sure is sweet
You keep on chewin till your dead on your feet
Hey baby don\’t go away
Its the only thing I really, I really want to hear ya say
If you leave I could not stand the pain
Give me more of that sweet sweet sugar cane
I, I, I, I love ya like sugar cane
I, I get high on your sugar cane
Its the only thing baby that keeps me sane
Its so nice to have you near
Someone so close and so dear
Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby
Sweet, sweet
I get high, get high, get high, get high
Sweet, sweet
On your sweet, on your sweet, on your sweet sweet sugar cane
Sweet, sweet \”

Did I mention Nicky Hopkins on piano?

I’ll just mention this: If Australia doesn’t tour Zimbabwe in a few months time they will be fined a few million dollars, unless security is a problem. This is outrageous. Zimbabwe is an international disgrace with its human rights abuse, rampant racism and abuse of democracy. This country shouldn’t be allowed to participate in cricket whilst all that rubbish is occuring. They are also now, of course, pretty hopeless at cricket, as all their best players have quit, not wanting any part of the corruption, discrimination, and poor treatment that is clearly present in Zimbabwe cricket.

The ICC has been doing a terrible job of running cricket in the last ten years. I say get rid of them and each country can organise their own tours (like they used to do) and play who they want, when they want, where they want.