Here’s another one of those files that occasionally fall out of the back of graphics programs onto my hard-drive. This time it looks like someone’s decided to take a radical approach to fixing the government’s current problems with a certain “tainted brand”.
(Kudos to Peter Cook)
Update: with today’s news that Kevin Andrews has released a few details of the new citizenship test, I might as well release another one of those Liberal Values posters (over the fold).
Heh!
I believe, I believe!
I want an AWA!!!!
It seems Petey hasn’t had his session with the white spiral yet.
From Blogocracy: http://blogs.news.com.au/news/blogocracy/index.php/news/comments/how_much_is_this_going_to_cost/
Take me back to Gitmo fer Allah’s sake! …. I’ll denounce my family…….. anything you want, but please….. Tovarishch Trotsky…… don’t make me watch the white spiral again.
The $10 billion water plan could follow WC’s down the gurgler too.
citizen test is incredibly popular…not
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,21752187-2,00.html
silly really, as most citizens now would struggle with it…
hooray for the white australia policy. Next write the test in icelandic for all the ‘unwanted’ ‘boat people’…
Christine K: thanks for the sample questions, and for the link, where I found some more (see below)…
It really is upsetting that the federal government actually paid some boofhead to come up with this badly-worded drivel.
Q4 above: I didn’t think that the other sports listed were actually unpopular!
Q5:answers a-d are all true, by appropriate criteria.
a) because we have near-universal franchise and a parliament.
b) because our Head of State is a Monarch.
c) look at the degree of consultation and transparency re. the proposed Federal takeover of the Murray-Darling.
d) AWB: a state-run monopoly.
Then there’s the other questions on news.com…
14. Which of the following are Australian values?
a. Men and women are equal
b. `A fair go’
c. Mateship
d. All of the above
15. Australia’s values are based on the …
a. Teachings of the Koran
b. The Judaeo-Christian tradition
c. Catholicism
d. Secularism
answers purportedly (d) and (b) respectively.
It is great to see so many fuzzily defined colloquialisms enshrined as potential National Values in Q14. How about using standard English, and being crystal-clear what is meant? Particularly since Howard’s idea of ‘fair go’ and ‘mateship’ seem very far removed from, say, mine.
And Q15 is a disgrace. I concede that I’d be rich if I had a dollar for every letter I see in a newspaper ranting on about how ‘we are a Christian Country’. However, they are wrong. We are not. We are officially secular, with no established religion. Even if, say, T. Abbott sees his job as a mandate to push Catholic values on the rest of us. Basic do-as-you-would-be-done-by ethics stem as much from the pagan ancient Greeks as from Judeo-Christianity, and have much more in common with Buddhism than with the stone-your-neighbours-for-dressing-funnily, offer-your-virgin-daughters-to-visitors code of the Old Testament.
People are free to be Judaeo-Christian if they want, so long as they don’t break the law. But it is inappropriate to give Judaeo-Christianity sole credit as the source for a broad-concensus ethical code. I am not even entirely sure that Torah or Bible are particularly consistent with the values of Q14.
This would all be so funny, if it wasn’t tragic.
‘Question 15 is a disgrace’ is the understatement of the year. It is truly appalling.
I just posted this to Blogocracy, but I think it hung. Obviously, CK, the trackbacks aren’t working either as it hasn’t recorded your link.
Apologies to the original writer, you’re lost in the mists of time.
Australian Government
Department of Immigration and Multicultural and Indigenous Affairs
Application for Grant of Australian Citizenship
You must answer 75% (28 or more out of 37) of these questions correctly in order to qualify for Australian Citizenship
1. How many slabs can you fit in the back of a Falcon Ute while also allowing room for your cattle dog?
2. When packing an Esky do you put the ice, or the beer, in first?
3. Is the traditional Aussie Christmas dinner:
a) At least two roasted meats with roast vegetables, followed by a pudding you could use as a cannonball. Also ham. In 40C heat.
b) A seafood buffet followed by a barbie, with rather a lot of booze. And ham. In 40C heat.
c) Both of the above, one at lunchtime and one at dinnertime. Weather continues fine.
4. How many beers in a slab?
5. You call that a knife, this is a knife.
True or False?
6. Does “yeah-nah” mean
a) “Yes and no”
b) “Maybe”
c) “Yes I understand but No I don’t agree”?
7. The phrases “strewth” and “flamin’ dingo” can be attributed to which TV character?
a) Toadie from Neighbours
b) Alf from Home & Away
c) Agro from Agro’s Cartoon Connection
d) Sgt. Tom Croydon from Blue Heelers?
8. When cooking a barbecue do you turn the sausages
a) Once or twice
b) As often as necessary to cook
c) After each stubby
d) Until charcoal?
9. Name three of the Daddo brothers.
10. Who was the original lead singer of AC/DC?
11. Which option describes your ideal summer afternoon:
a) Drinking beer at a mate’s place
b) Drinking beer at the beach
c) Drinking beer watching the cricket/footy
d) Drinking beer at a mate’s place while watching the cricket before going to the beach?
12. Would you eat pineapple on pizza? Would you eat egg on a pizza?
13. How many cans of beer did David Boon consume on a plane trip from Australia to England?
14. How many stubbies is it from Brissy to the Gold Coast in a Torana travelling at 120km/h?
15. Who are Scott and Charlene?
16. How do you apply your tomato sauce to a pie?
a) Squirt and spread with finger
b) Sauce injection straight into the middle?
17. If the police raided your home would you:
a) Allow them to rummage through your personal items
b) Phone up the nearest talkback radio shock jock and complain
c) Put a written complaint in to John Howard and hope that he answers it personally?
18. Which Australian Prime Minister held the world record for drinking a yardie full of beer the fastest?
19. Have you ever had/do you have a mullet?
20. Thongs are:
a) Skimpy underwear
b) Casual footwear
c) They’re called jandals, bro?
21. On which Ashes tour did Warney’s hair look the best?
a) 1993
b) 1997
c) 2001
d) 2005
22. What is someone more likely to die of:
a) Red Back Spider
b) Great White Shark
c) Victorian Police Officer
d) King Brown Snake
e) Your missus after a big night
f) Dropbear?
23. How many times must a steak be turned on a conventional four-burner barbie?
24. Can you sing along to Cold Chisel’s Khe Sanh?
25. Explain both the “follow-on” and “LBW” rules in cricket and discuss the pros and cons for the third umpire decisions in the latter….
26. Name at least 5 items that must be taken to a BBQ.
27. Who is current Australian test cricket captain:
a) Ricky Ponting
b) Don Bradman
c) John Howard
d) Makybe Diva?
28. Is it best to take a sick day on:
a) When the cricket’s on
b) When the cricket’s on
c) When the cricket’s on?
29. What animal is on the Bundaberg Rum bottle?
30. What is the difference between a pot and a middy of beer?
31. What are Budgie smugglers?
32. What brand and size of Esky will you be purchasing?
33. Did you cry when Molly died on a Country Practice?
34. A “Hoppoate” is:
a) A breed of kangaroo
b) A kind of Autralian “wedgie”
c) A disgraced Rugby League player?
35. What does having a ‘chunder’ mean?
36. When you were young did you prefer the Hills Hoist over any swing set?
37. What does the terminology ‘True Blue’ mean?
Your Score ………….
For Office use only.
[] In
[] Out
[] Can have another crack at it
The non-spinning white spiral?
Just unsubstantiated nonsense with no cost or time limits and no name.
Morgan has produced a couple of special polls tonight,
Helen, If I were you I’d be whacking in an invoice to the Minister Fa Foranas ASAP. That’s just brilliant.
Yes Helen, great depth. A paean to Oz piss culture that does the legacy Bazza McKenzie proud.
Heh. Morgan: http://www.ozpolitics.info/blog/
Wonder how things will shape-up when the govt starts its “Watch Where You Stand” onslaught on Sunday.
It might be significant that the spinning white spiral is identified as the main campaign issue and Gillard is preferred over Hockey as IR Minister.
No. 30 is a trick question.
Helen,
Your questions are TEH WIN!
(FYI: Christine’s “trackback” didn’t register because it was from the comments thread. The various automated trackback systems only work from posts, not from comments. If you want a manual trackback pinger, try [this])
Silly old me for thinking male/f emale equality isn’t part of the Judaeo/Christian tradition, but is more a secular kind of thing.
Hang on… Isn’t secularism one of those enlightenment values John Howard bangs on about as being Australian?
Sounds like the Budget tax cuts are on their way.
‘Under the Howard government we have provided 764.3% of Australian with streets paved with gold’
Ahem EC, tigtok and CK– I didn’t write that, just posted it from a pdf that is going the rounds!
Note to lurkers - If you’re reading this and you’re the actual writer, please stick yr head over the parapet so that we can duly celebrate your wonderfulness!
Helen, there’s another version doing the round with similar questions, but it includes this gem to finish:
“Please answer extensively as this will play a considerable part in our assessment of your application. Which do you hate more, England or Collingwood?”
Oooooohh, tough question.
We love you anyway Helen.
Well, Howard has finally admitted that workchoices is unfair so where is the fairness for the suckers who have been put on AWA’s up until now? Where is their fairness test?
Gummo,
I’m worried your spiral may be working a little too well.
It is late monday afternoon and I’m still suffering AWA envy.
“How many slabs can you fit in the back of a Falcon Ute while also allowing room for your cattle dog?”
Well obviously the answer is none! A true Aussie would have a Holden Ute!