One suspects a comedic musical about errant ex-footballer Wayne Carey would be a very black look at the psyche of a certain kind of male (not sure what song from Hairspray the cast might break into when Carey hits his girlfriend with a glass).
A less difficult subject for funny songs is the blokey but unthreatening Shane Warne, the former spin bowler with a beer gut, and a, errr, big thing for blondes.
Eddie Perfect, who more than entertained at last year’s Melbourne International Comedy Festival (MICF) with his turn as a kinky Alexander Downer, has returned to MICF in 2008 with a sneak peek at his upcoming Shane Warne: The Musical.
Perfect, looking tubby and sporting the sort of bleach job that’s usually seen on feuding mums on Today Tonight, gave the audience a potted history of the career and romantic ups and downs of this country’s most famous bogan.
Using a variety of musical styles, including deliciously cheeky nods to rock operas and Andrew Lloyd Webber style productions, the audience were treated to tunes about a certain infamous bribery scandal, the beginning of Warne’s relationship with the equally dumb Simone, the Australian cricketing team’s tendency towards racism and homophobia when baiting opponents, and the end of his cricketing career.
Particular highlights in a show packed with them were Shane’s mum blistering insistence that her son take a diet pill and Simone’s inability to understand in ballad form whether the sun and moon are different or the same.
The Australian tendency to mythologise certain historical events was given the treatment in a song in which Shane decides he’s going to tough it out (e.g. exercise and give up pizza and smokes) like an Anzac standing next to a “Fuzzy Wuzzy” or Ned Kelly shooting it out in his armour.
Perfect’s Shane cares about his kids and is at the mercy of voracious public interest.
He’s also at the mercy of the sort of woman who feigns disgust at his sexual overtures but sleeps with him regardless and then tells everybody she told him he should “go home” (see, for example, two recent editions of Woman’s Day in which a blonde discussed her affair with Warne – she couldn’t trust a man she was having an affair with apparently).
While Perfect’s pizza-loving, smoking, beer-swilling Shane has few redeeming features, he does kind of come across as a less monogamous version of the infuriating but ultimately loveable Homer Simpson.
Shane Warne: The Musical doesn’t officially begin until December, so see this version while you can. Five cans of VB out of five from me (or ten out of five if someone’s willing to give me five thousand dollars).
Oh please.
I think the Shane Warne musical would hold a few good laffs for those of us who think he’s a total gherkin, but the effect on his bogan imitators is not so salutary. This type of person relishes any kind of attention, and a musical about him (no matter how tongue in cheek) just confirms their impression of WOT A LEGEND he is.
“Cares about his kids and is at the mercy of voracious public interest?” Please. Most dads are able to show their caring in a, um, more effective way. “Infuriating but ultimately loveable”? Please, speak for yourself – I know he’s found to be “ultimately loveable” by the same kind of people who find talking Boonie dolls witty.
Sorry to be waspish, Darlene, but your threads on notorious lads seem to indicate you fall too easily for the “oh poor me, forced to act like a nang-nang by the evil media” line.
Sorry, that penultimate sentence seems to imply that you (Darlene) find Boonie dolls witty. Waspish as I was, I wouldn’t go that far.
But really, this “the media attention is to blame” element just sucks. Warnie is to blame for his stupid actions, no-one else.
Since the Talking Boonie has already been mentioned, I’ll just pass on a thought that’s been amusing me for a while. There’s been a bunch of beer advertisements up at a few local pubs using a cartoon of Our Shane as the central bit of the ad, and I though the brewery may be setting us up for a Talking Warnie. I can just imagine: “Show us yer tits!”, “I s’pose a root’s out of the question.” etc. As long as it doesnt’ come with a mobile phone …
Warne is certainly a gifted cricketer, but he’s a pretty worthless human being.
I fear so, David. I wonder if there’s a Corey Whatsitthing promotion coming for alcopops.
I saw a very early version of this at last year’s Adelaide Cabaret Festival, when it was performed pretty much as a sing-through or concert version with little in the way of staging or dialogue. But it was extremely well rehearsed and very, very funny.
Helen, I take your point about the glamorisation of Warnie (insofar as Warnie can be glamorised and I agree that he resists even the most strenuous attempts), but don’t underestimate the skills of Eddie Perfect. He is a highly gifted satirist and ironist, and that means that by definition the content of his stuff is highly unstable as to interpretation and meaning — the meaning rests very much in the eye of the beholder. The show can be read as a genuine tribute to someone whose sporting skills were freakish and gave millions of people pleasure, but it can equally be read as a ruthless attack on human stupidity in general (which is what all good satire is in the end anyway).
I’ve seen and heard Eddie Perfect’s political satire and it’s clear that he regards wilfully corrupt, greedy and/or power-mad politicians and others in positions of real power as much worse criminals and much better fodder than Warne, who by comparison hasn’t really hurt anyone apart from his (complicit) immediate family.
Warnie the musical? Pah. I want Warnie the Movie (although it might only be available in Canberra I suppose). It could be the start of a “carry on…” revival. Her indoors refers to cricketers spouses as “the blonde wives club” which makes me chuckle every time the channel 9 camera shows a few of them. Clairol should be a massive sponsor of cricket, given how much they benefit from the sport.
….”Warne, who by comparison hasn’t really hurt anyone apart from his (complicit) immediate family.”
Assuming he runs a higher standard of vigilance, with regards to his sexual life, than he does with his randy/random mobile phone calls.
A musical about Corey Worthington? I’m there.
I guess I should point out that I’m a bogan (or at least a lapsed bogan), so I have a love-hate relationship with the people known as “bogans” (the people from Planet Bogan aka Housing Commission Land). I am suggesting that there’s a difference between the Warne and the Carey. This is based on the fact that the boofhead Warne with his penchant for smokes and pizza and grog is someone we can more readily relate to (he’s the Homer Simpson that lives within us all). Carey’s violent behaviour makes him a more dangerous and difficult proposition, although he also represents something about male behaviour.
I think Warne’s a boofhead, but he’s not the only boofhead in his story (e.g. that woman who was prepared to sell the story of her affair with Warne isn’t much chop either). I did say that Perfect does present a character with few redeeming features. However, yes, I am a sucker for an Aussie legend.
What do Boonie dolls say?
“I can just imagine: “Show us yer tits!”, “I s’pose a root’s out of the question.” etc. As long as it doesnt’ come with a mobile phone.”
I’m going to get into trouble, but that made me laugh out loud.
The satire in the show does shift, and is responded to subjectively without a doubt. Having kept a watch on Perfect’s career since Angry Eddie, I would suggest that he has never been better musically speaking, and that it would’ve been lazy for him to put all the focus on Warne and not other aspects of the story as well.
A Carry On revival? I am there as well.
Speaking of “blonde wives clubs”, the woman who played Simone (I apologise I don’t know her name but she was extraordinarily good) was sporting an hilarious blonde wig. Right out of a bad x-rated film.
The bloke who used to be in Flying Doctors (Robert Grubb) also has a voice to die for. Beautiful.
“Carry on down the wicket”
Starring Russell Crowe as Warnie
Britney Spears as Simone
Various unattractive british women: Renee Zellweger
Synopsis:
Warnie attempts to keep his hilarious sexual exploits from being discovered, as ever more cryptic and sexually explicit text messages are discovered on his mobile phone. Simultaneously, Warnie struggles to keep his appetite for cigs, cheap beer and pies under control in order to save his post-career job as a cricket commentator. Watch as Warnie is caught in hilarious coitus interruptus in sheds, change rooms, cheap hotels and the back seat of a Ford Cortina. Enjoy the hilarity of Warnies kids reading the messages to Simone after a drunken Warnie loses his phone down the back of the sofa.
Tagline:
How long can Warnie juggle his balls before the climax?
Tee hee, that’s gold, David. I just had a visual image of Renee as a British woman saying, “Ohhh, Shane, is that a mobile in your pocket or are you just happy to see me, guvnor”. Cue Benny Hill music. Ahh, they don’t make comedy like that anymore.
The three minute version of the Warnie musical was paraded at the comedy gala, and I gotta say it looked and sounded like crap. But maybe it’s unfair to judge so quickly.
Gawd, I thought for a moment you meant Warnie had had a fling with Renee Z!
Anyway, I think Eddie Perfect is fantastic and I look forward to seeing this one.
I think the only thing that can be judged on the basis of a three minute performance is Warnie’s abilities in the sack. Let’s face it, you probably wouldn’t even get three minutes to judge.
Ha ha ha, Warnie and Renee. Yep, take a look at the show, Fine. This was only the work in progress, so the real deal will be even better.
I think Renee could play Warnie.
Pavlov’s Cat – hell yes Renee could play Warnie. Judging by the photo above, she already owns the stunt undies. A packet of coffin nails and one of J-Ho’s old tracksuits and the film is half done.
Tee hee, those old knickers from Bridget Jones should do it. And frankly the thought of Renee getting it on with Hugh while pretending to be Shane has a strange kind of appeal for me.
If Helen is still about, should performers in general/satirists not tackle topics like The Warne because of the way “bogans” might respond to it?
Frankly, I think this show will be Perfect’s biggie because I think all sorts of people will go see it – unlike Keating? The Musical, for example, which was seen mostly by Labor hacks from what I could tell. Surely an artist isn’t responsible for the way her or his audience responds to their art.
Another picture of Shane (crikey, Shane’s in a frock, who would’ve thought a sportsman would ever do that – perhaps Shane’s engaging in a little subverting of heteronormativity; some gender f**king and all that. Shane Warne as queer performance artist).
For some reason I feel obliged to point out that the Talking Warnie already debuted during the 2006/7 cricket season. And that there already is a Carry On revival in the works. Though it’ll be a travesty without at least three or four of Kenneth Williams, Hattie Jacques, Joan Sims, Sid James, Charles Hawtrey or Barbara Windsor. (Admittedly difficult since most of them are dead.)
Darlene wrote:
Blokes in frocks == teh funnay is probably as old as theatre itself (even The Bard was partial to it). Along with monkeys and farting that is. Besides which, the various “footy shows” make 90% of their laughs from boofy blokes frocking up. However, it does convince me that Zellweger ought to get the part
In 2035, Shane will be the fat, yet still not bald, old geezer down the pub, winking at, and nudging middle aged blondes at the bar, and asking if they want to see his googly and flipper.
No bets, his strike rate will still be above average.
Glad you enjoyed the show Darlene! Not sure, if I could stomach a whole nite devoted to SK Warne’s career high and low lights, having just finished digesting them for real. And hard to satirise someone who is pretty darn busy satirising himself – his turns on Kath & Kim for eg. But I’ll take yours and Dr Cat’s word for it being v. funny.
And it doesn’t sound like the sort of punters who buy Boonie dolls, are going to be buying tickets in their droves – which is a relief, otherwise, you could pencil in lamer endeavours such as ‘Joey in the House’ – set in two Newcastle discos, starring the ekkie dealer and the boys from the Sydney Footy Show.
Or ‘ Such is Life in Rehab’ – set in every Perth nightclub, with a chorus of ice dealers, a brace of Underbelly rejects and the Weasels leadership group… “I’m not going to rehab, until I win a flag, flag flag.”.
Or maybe just a huge rock opera based on the lot of ‘em titled “I’ve let down my family, my team-mates and the fans.”
Well why not a cricket musical? It’s a game of costumes, rituals and chants with tense storylines.
And why not using Warnie as a main character? We’re talking about someone blessed with a prodigious talent becoming steadily undone by the license he’s thinks granted to him by his talent. This is the kinda classic hubris shit that has powered many good stories of stage, screen and print.
The songs just write themselves too.
“Warne Free”
“Can’t Bat, Can’t Bowl, Can’t Field”
“(I Declare) He’ll Follow On”
“Shane Warne, Superstar”
“Heart with Blonde Tips”
“Bowld Maidn Ovr”
“Sticky Wicket”
“Here Comes The Sun (And The Daily Mirror)”
“Wag The Tail”
“Stumps” (The big ballad)
“Wisden Wisdom”
“Dancing With The Stars”
“Shine On You Crazy DiamondAny room for a cover? This has to be Simone’s big number, fer sure:
You told me I was the one
The only one who got your head undone
And for a while I believed the line that you spun
But I’ve been looking at you
Looking closely at the things you do
I didn’t see it the way you wanted me to
How how howzat
You messed about
I caught you out
Howzat
Now that I found where you’re at
It’s goodbye
Well howzat
It’s goodbye
Simone’s big number actually stsrts
or something very close to that. Nabs, I could swear ‘Can’t Bat, Can’t Bowl, Can’t Field’ actually is one of the songs.
Thanks for that, Brett
. The talking Warnie already exists; it’s gold. I wonder if the talking Warnie engages in dialogue akin to the Boonie Doll? One should buy both and let them engage in a searing discourse about the state of the world (or the threat to a bloke’s right to get pissed now that Rudd is power). It’s hard (ooh, you are awful) to think of there being a Carry On film without Sid or Kenneth. We’ll just have to wait and see.
David Rubie, harsh on the poor old Renee there.
Cripes, she might not be as beautiful as the lovely Simone but she scrubs up okay. Besides she was wonderful in Chicago and Miss Potter and Nurse Betty and nearly everything she’s been in (I’ll leave out that film with Tom Cruise because I hate his guts).
Jo, that desciption of what Warne is going to be like in 2035 rings soooooooooooooooooo true. You can just picture him down the pub with his gut and endless stories about his cricketing glories. And you can just see the women of all ages still wanting a text message from the old bugger, celebrity culture being what it still be.
“Joey in the House” sounds bloody awful. I think I’d like to see it just to wince. I suspect a few Warnie fans might show up to Perfect’s show. Time will tell.
A cricket musical would be tops. You know, Shane’s story is not just a Greek tragecy, no it’s much more important than that, it’s an Aussie tragedy, and he’d be a perfect main character in such a show.
*ahem*
“Can’t bowl, can’t throw”
/pedantry
Could you make a broadway number out of “Hadlee’s a wanker”?
I don’t think it was supposed to be a direct quotation, FDB, I think it was supposed to be, you know, essence of Warnie.
Which is how Art works, after all.
I’m trying to remember whether Joe the cameraman gets a guernsey in this show anywhere. Surely he must.
If I’d written it he’d be making repeat appearances every time Warnie needs a fall guy.
“Nah, that was me, I just borrowed Shane’s phone, honest!”
“Look, I know it’s blurry but anyone who knows me will tell you that’s my cock”
etc…
Darlene wrote:
Yah. I didn’t really mean to impugn her looks, more that she’s happy to appear very different in different movies. That photo of Warnie frocked up is disturbing on many levels.
There’s already a “Talking Warnie”? Life imitates art, again
I so want a Warnie doll; it’d be nice to have some intelligent male company for a change.