On a recent comments thread on LP, it was argued that LP readers are political types rather than Big Brother sorts. Well, I don’t think many people are either/or about such things, and at any rate I’ve been yearning to lower the tone of this blog for a long time. With this in mind, I’ve decided to do a celebrity gossip post today.
Madonna’s new CD: blech
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god (not sure why I wrote “oh my god” three times other than that celebrity gossip is usually replete with repetition and hyperbole), Mariah has gotten married again.
Celebrity gossip fans will know that Mariah used to be married to some bloke and then she stopped being married to that bloke. Now Mariah is married to another bloke.
No word as yet about whether she looked too skinny and/or too fat in her wedding gown, but if I was a betting woman I’d suggest (insert body fascist comment here).
Nicole or “Our Nicole” has apparently been yakking to her old mate Naomi Watts about matters to do with being up the duff, an unnamed source has said. Another unnamed source claimed that this chatting with Watts business reveals that Nicole is confused and not coping with her pregnancy.
If Nicole’s confused think about how the baby’s going to feel when it listens to its father’s music (“I thought my dad was Australian”, the baby will opine).
Nicole’s first husband, Tom “It’s a Blast” Cruise, has been to the theatre with his third wife. Cruise, who’s two aliens short of a spaceship, can be expected to be seen at the theatre with his fourth wife in about eight years or so.
According to Perez Hilton, Beyonce is bringing out a range of kids clothes. If you want your girl child to dress like a dancer in a rap video, Beyonce’s line is just the thing for you and your future dancer in rap videos. Two words, one syllable: blech.
Madonna’s career is in tatters after her new CD only shifted 280,000 units thus far (possibly this is only in the United States, however, I couldn’t be bothered checking because this is a gossip post so I can say whatever I want).
Although Megan Gale says she’s not pregnant, an unnamed source says that he talked to another unnamed source who says that he saw an unnamed source carrying a copy of a popular women’s magazine that claims that an unnamed source says Gale’s pregnant, regardless of what Gale says about it.
It’s always interesting to read 2-year-old No Ideas in the doctor’s surgery. So much speculation about baby bumps, so few babies. Bec Hewitt taking Hollywood by storm (ssuuuuurrreee). I’m still waiting for her first blockbuster.
I blame the music video with little timberlake in it. It’s like your mum got tarted up and is chasing the developmentally delayed child from across the road. At some point you just have to stop pretending you’re a teenager, usually before your nipples are level with your belly button (or the male version: scrotum at knee level).
Oh well, no harm in a bit of pop culture musing – here’s my 2c: Kylie’s about 10 years younger, but my money’s on her to pull of the “aging sexily” look more classily than Madge has here.
I always felt Madonna lacks…. style.
Mind you, that could be an early 80s hangover. Everybody lacked style.
Yes, those baby bump stories are a hoot. All someone has to do is put their hand within 10kms of the womb of a celeb and she’s up the duff. There’s never a retraction.
Yep, David, I loved Madonna’s image for her last CD, but this one is, well, as I said, blech. Too try hard. And Timberlake, what’s that about? The boy’s had a few good songs, but…..
Well, Kylie is a classy woman. I fear she’s been using too much Botox lately, but her dress sense is getting pretty refined.
“It’s like your mum got tarted up and is chasing the developmentally delayed child from across the road.”
Terrific line, David
An unnamed source close to the Cobain family told me that Courtney Love’s forthcoming album has a ghost writer going by the name of WE Gee Board. It will be his 3rd collaboration with Ms Love.
YAWN – Tom Cruise made the cover of “Self-Righteous Turkey” – again.
Well, I am not going to buy a copy of “Self-Righteous Turkey” then.
Good one, Possum
, although when Courtney was bad she was very good and when she was good, err, whatever.
My smiley face didn’t work. I’ll have another go.
Geez, not much gossip then. What’s Lynda Carter up to? Last I saw of her was a kids super hero movie and she was still TEH HAWT!!!!
Right on Darlene!
Gimme a plastered Courtney singing a random number of semitones out of key using a five stringed guitar anyday!
For those that aren’t acquainted with the joys of Ms Love being good when she’s bad:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdSrYGC7L4s
Killer lyrics!
“usually before your nipples are level with your belly button”
Ain’t gonna happen to Madge. She’ll just keep getting ‘em lifted until you start wondering why she has pimples at her age.
If I had to choose between Madonna & Kylie I’d choose the space.
Harsh, nasking, but possibly fair. Actually, I think both Madonna and Kylie have some good songs (great songs even), but they are not particulary interesting as people. When Madonna started going on about Kabbalah in “I’m going to tell you a secret” I turned off.
Here’s a link to Lynda’s Wikipedia entry:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lynda_Carter
For David and Possum.
Polly, I don’t know why your comment took so long to appear. Apologies for that.
I hate the cover of Maddy’s new CD. It’s too try-hard by half. She’s a sexy woman, but that cover is….as I said, blech.
That’s the shortest comment you’ve ever written, Nask!
I want to complain about the way the media goes after Amy Winehouse. She seemed to be pretty fragile after the release of Back in Black, which was so promising, but now they’ve just kind of gone into a campaign of Candid Shots or something, thinness shots, stomach sticking out shots, bad hair / hangover shots, like they want to break her spirit. Her damage may be self=inflicted to a large degree but you have to ask yourself how the stalking tabloids have contributed to that.
I know he’s not a REAL celebrity, but Sam Newman was skewered beautifully in the Opposition Organ recently. Good use of vernacular. Written in bloke language. Strong critique. I dips me bloody lid.
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,23667790-5013478,00.html
serve him bloody right
Thingamajig Packer (Kerry’s son) is apparently dumping Scientology. Didn’t realise he was stupod enough to be in it.Brangelina are getting married next week, in the south of France somewhere, where they’ve bought a chateau. (At least, I think its a chateau). Posh might be pregnant. Britney is recovering and sitting on the verandah with family somewhere in Louisiana. Sipping mint juleps? And there was some other piece of really really scandalous gossip I heard on one of the breakfast TV shows, but, for trhe love of me, I’ve completely forgotten it.
btw, Megan Gale has signed up to play Wonderwoman. Now that’s a fact.
Madge…Stale Candy?
She can do better than this. She has before. A lazy effort. Actually, her last album wasn’t ‘alf bad – big music publisher and all.
And after JT’s wardrobe malfunction incident, you think he would’ve learnt his lesson about playing with girls from the grades ahead of his own.
Ambigulous: Sam who?
Lindsay Lohan has withdrawn from/been axed from a forthcoming movie about Charles Manson – you all remember him, surely; the long-haired, bearded mass murderer who killed off the hippie era – Apparently nobody wants to work with her.
You have to wonder with people like Amy whether it’s a case of be careful of what you wish for. However, it must be horrendous to have that constant loss of privacy (and unnatural).
Thanks, Ambigulous. Sam Newman deserves all he gets. He’s a man devoid of wit, wisdom or empathy. He’s a dinosaur, and not even one of those cute and cuddly ones.
Megan Gale as Wonderwoman; is that true???? Wow, Wonderwoman was a lot of fun. Packer did have some involvement with Scientology. Thick and rich like certain types of cream. I will wait for that Brad/Ange nuptials. I never got the feeling Aneg was the marrying type.
Agreed, Mercurius. Disappointed with Madge’s new look and sound. I thought Hung Up was a top effort….oh well. She is the queen of re-invention so we will see how she goes next time.
Yikes, not a Charles Manson movie. Was Linsday going to play one of his devoted followers? I think I could do without seeing such a film really. She’s another woman who doesn’t seem to be coping with celebrity that well.
Movie is called Manson’s Women. Am not kidding.
And a month or so asgo Megan Gale announced on Today Show she was playing Wonderwoman. George Miller is directing/producing.
Megan Gale? Pah. They should just digitalise the classic era Lynda Carter so we can continue to lust after her. Darlene, that picture is a classic.
Manson’s Women….mmmmm, we will wait and see what that is like. The title is a tad dodgy.
It’s a great picture, David.
Again on the subject of Charles Manson, there was a short article in the AGE today saying they suspected there were some additional bodies at the Death Valley ranch and they’re organising a bit of a dig.
Speaking of Manson, reminds me I haven’t watched Polanski’s version of Oliver Twist yet. Poor Sharon. Still gives me the willys.
Hmmm… must put on Willy & the Poor Boys. ‘Don’t Look Now’ but a Manson-like FAMILY are on the road to some influential American’s house to cause a tragic disturbance and divert the masses eyes away from WAR. Isn’t that how it works in Sunset Boulevard land?…where metal mockers put on masks & make miserably moronic music to inspire mobs to transform their hands into a Devil sign?
brrr…
seems to me we could use a Ray of Light.
Mebbe Madonna ain’t so bad after all eh Darlene?…:) Not so short this time, but shorter than most eh Helen…;)
Speaking of “Death Valley” Helen…ya got me thinkin’ about Sonic Youth…a NY band w/ an edge of punk. Yep, youth raging against Fascism.
Punk…gets me thinkin’ of OUTRAGE in America.
Perhaps Madonna should do a version of this?:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quLqEu4mUOU
(California Uber Alles (Dead Kennedys)
Seems the US air-force’s motto is a translation of “Uber alles” these days…training to kill for flag & freedom & father of all fathers…during our youths’ more exuberant days & nights…innocently playing computer games…& paint ball and laser mayhem…creating “emotional distance” & lack of empathy…creating behavioural patterns…like Dad’s boozing & smooching…the children in ENDER’S GAME go ICEMAN on the constructed enemy.
Children mutated into Spartans…far from HOME. Or so we thought. Closer than you think.
N’
No wuzz, Darlene.
Any other Melbourne low-life you’d like to discuss? There’s too much Hollywood glitz here IMHO.
I say, “Go Megan!” Aussie girls on the primrose path to starlethood. “Charlotte the Starlet Lay Dying, …” etc “Megan Gale Acts Up a Storm!” “Gale Storms The Red Carpet.” Nice girl.
In a semi-serious question, couldn’t Madge have taken a few cues from the genuinely sexy older women by now? Deneuve, Sarandon, Fonda, Mirren. There’s no shortage of role models on how to grow old (dis)gracefully.