Well it’s the night before the night before the night before Christmas so it must be time again to condemn. Here’s a 31st open condemnation thread. What’s getting up your goat this week so far? Which evil political, cultural, social, musical, religious and *festively seasonal* and other phenomena need condemnation? (Or loud denunciation?)
You can condemn anything you like except 1944 recordings of Frank Sinatra singing Christmas tunes. Well, actually…
Christmas Muzak in shops (unless it is BWV248 – but there’s Buckley’s chance of that apart from in a few boutique book and music shops run more for love than money).
I condemn boring to very boring to very very boring Xmas TV shows. (though joyeux Noel wasn’t bad.)
I condemn the assumption that evrybody should celebrate Xmas.
I condemn the hypocrisy of Xmas. In fact, I condemn everything about Xmas except Charles Dickens’s Christmas Carol and various other Xmas Dickensia.
(Well, somebody was bound to do it so I thought I might as well.
)
I condemn the way that when you break a glass it’s always the first of a pair or a set, so you end up with a kitchen full of ones, threes and fives. It may have something to do with the second law of thermodynamics.
Christmas Day for me means a 7am top volume blasting of HVW56 – Handel’s Messiah – but that’s also for Good Friday too (as it was first performed during Lent) just to remind the material-worshipping barbarians what the holiday is for! On the other hand I’m an atheist materialist and an ancient historian in-training and I CONDEMN CHRISTMAS for missing Saturnalia by a week (as ours seems to go from 25 Dec – 1 Jan and the Roman 17 to 23 Dec).
I condemn the sixth series of Beverly Hills 90210 for not yet being available on region 4 DVD.
I think Toni’s “night surfing invite” visit to Dylan is just about the. most. romantic. thing. evah!
http://rebeccagayheartfan.com/videos/displayimage.php?album=2&pos=1
I also condemn The Age during holiday seasons when it often has the same cryptic crossword and cartoons on two different days.
TyroRex: (And the loss of the role-swapping frolics at this time – Io saturnalia!)
I condemn the fact that I’m all out of condemnation, until next year when my condenmnation re-charge card is refilled….then ya’ll better look out!
Indeed, David Bath, I condemn those who miss out on the real meaning of Saturnalia: letting your slaves dress up and give you disrespect in public.
It’s not just about getting really drunk you know. (That’s Purim).
I also condemn our not having a proper Saturnalia. Imagine what we could do to our politicians.
I condemn wine glasses that seem to have twice as much glass as they could possibly need when they smash on the floor.
I condemn Frank Sinatra music holus bolus. Gives me the creeps. And I condemn White Christmas and whoever is responsible for it appearing every 5 tracks in the muzak. And that they never play the Delltones’ No Snow at Christmas instead, or indeed at all. I condemn the fly that woke me up this morning. I condemn the lack of space in my fridge as I try to defrost the turkey (it’s in the sink until I figure out if I can consolidate the box of mangoes with the box of peaches). I condemn the magic that turned my small final pre-Christmas grocery shop into $150 worth at the checkout yesterday. I condemn the housework I’m going to get through today. Hmmm. Better stop now.
I condemn any ex partner who would pack a copy of High School Musical “so you can have one for daddy’s house”.
I condemn myself for not bringing an extra book to work today. It is going to be a long day of bad fiction.
I condemn my coffee for not waking me up as much as it should.
I add my condemn to that condemn!
I condemn the Devil Drink and his responsibility for at least half of the broken glasses.
Yeah. Everyone ups and blames the Devil. I condemn all of you who take credit for on the basis of free will when you do good things, but want responsibility diminished when you smash glasses, crash your cars, etc.
Desipsis: up your doseage. If symptoms persist, see your dealer.
I condemn Centrelink fo reven more egregious stupidity.
http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/mp/5227819/bikini-mums-stage-welfare-rules-protest/
Government, get your act together and change stuff!
I condemn the government for not making all employers give parents a full 8 weeks holiday over Christmas. Because working parent’s deserve to spend time with their kids over the summer holidays too.
I condemn myself for compensating my lack of self raising flour with too much bi carb soda and plain flour. Subsequently my lovely looking corn fritter lunch ended up largely inedible. *sigh*
Sorry, just can’t bring myself to condemn anything, this time of year.
So I reverse-condemn these gals, who always put a smile on my face…
This one’s sort of an a-propos tune for a recession, even written in a quasi-Depression-era idiom –
Inspirational verse:
“Times are hard and they might never get better,
But when you play me that song, play me that song,
The kids crowd around, the kids crowd around…”
If, like me, you’re a sucker for an instrumental lineup of accordion, flugelhorn and toy xylophone, here’s a classic…
Inspirational verse:
“The stories we got told as little kids
Don’t make good metaphors for everything.”
And this last is strictly for the truly smitten. Don’t click this one unless you’re really jonesing for it…
In the seasonal spirit, if you follow the links, you can find them doing the marvelously peculiar “I’m Afraid of Christmas”.
God rest ye merry, gentlebloggers.
Whoops, I just posted a jolly comment that accidentally tripped the more-than-one-link detector and so went to moderation (it feels like high school all over again). If some kind soul will fish it out of the moderation tank, I promise not to condemn them.
I condemn Kevin05 for being FAR TOO SLOW too get rid of all John Howard’s shit. But its got to the point I don’t expect him too anymore.
I condemn the culturing of salmonella via defrosting turkeys outside the fridge.
Wise words of condemnation of a particularly nasty type of ‘culture’ Greg @22 and beware Chookie. My frozen turkey came out of the freezer and into the fridge, last night, for a hopefully safe defrosting by Christmas day.
I still condemn Mr. Rudd – wars to end and begin other wars, still raging – 15000 more US troops to Afghanistan – what a lot of rubbish; it will all end up like the Russians, slinking out the back way!
I condemn Frank Sinatra music holus bolus. Gives me the creeps. And I condemn White Christmas and whoever is responsible for it appearing every 5 tracks in the muzak.
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Well that’s Bing Crosby. If Frank gives you the creeps then well that’s too bad.
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I think these songs about sleighbells in the snow are much like the songs about good will to everyone. They’re both and ironic counterpoint. The latter are articulating the actual Christmastime behaviour of people in exactly the same way the former describes the weather.
And Currency Lad condemns Mark and Kim:
Gentrified Jihadists of the World Unite you’ve got nothing to lose but those naff fancy glasses and tacky marshmellow biscuits that they serve latte with in outer suburban shopping malls!
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Hey I didn’t say it. To me Currency Lad is the Liam of Catallaxy. But you have to admit he’s a quite good at coughing up the elegant nastiness.
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I’m just attempting to establish myself as a double-agent.
I join the general condemnation of the government for not yet fixing up the nonsensical centrelink laws that have stuffed up the Parenting Allowance by forcing many individuals to chase crappy casualised hours in dead end jobs when they may well prefer to spend the time with their kids.
Great link Fine@18. That is what such a creative protest.
Condemn away folks but don’t ever lose focus http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=bpV5InLw52U&NR=1
So happy Christmas…
So much inferiority packed into the one simile. I condemn your lack of perspective and imagination.
That’d require information of value to either party, wouldn’t it?
I condemn the fact that the Dutch generally speak much better English than native Anglophones. And sing better English, too, apparently…
If I understand correctly, the translation from Brel’s original, it seems, was done by John Denver — a much better song writer than people usually give him credit for, esp. if you can find other people performing his songs. I always wanted to hear Husker Du cover “Rocky Mountain High”. So I guess Jacques Brel is my Leonard Cohen, and John Denver is my Jacques Brel.
btw, I posted a comment earlier that got sucked into moderation. (multiple links, I believe). If some kind soul can fish it out, I promise not to condemn them. (already made that joke in another, (redundant) moderated comment, but can’t think of a substitute at present.)
–j_p_z, wishing you all a jolly Yuletide and a merry Michaelmas…
I condemn threads all about stoushing between Adrien and Liam.
And note – I have my finger on the delete button!
Don’t give up your day job. Being a double agent takes more than just a malicious penchant for pointless, toxic snark and a delusional notion of oneself as fearless iconoclast, you know, especially when one is a dead ringer for the donkey in Shrek except less funny and even more annoying.
Not only would such a role require information of value to either or both parties, it would also require that the parties have a mutual if negative interest in each other. With one or two exceptions, nobody but you could give a rat’s arse.
I condemn Adrien’s delusions.
I condemn any mention of the egregious windbag and idiotic attention seeker, Currency Lad, who has no excuse for his obvious inability to face up to anything approaching reality. Except insanity. Sheessh!
And the way he’s going, Adrien will end up as the CL of LP, if you follow my drift.
No elegance, Adrien. Just nastiness. The two are mutually exclusive.
Don’t give up your day job.
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I don’t have a day job. Thanks be to The Almighty Whatever.
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Being a double agent takes more than just a malicious penchant for pointless, toxic snark and a delusional notion of oneself as fearless iconoclast,
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What could be possibly be fearless about commenting on websites. I could come down to your local cafe after you’ve gone shopping for tomatoes and get on a milk crate. That’d show some guts.
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My toxic snark isn’t pointless btw.
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you know, especially when one is a dead ringer for the donkey in Shrek except less funny and even more annoying.
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Whatsamatta P Cat don’t you love me anymore?
Tyro Rex
Unto us a son is given…. Prince of Peace
damn fine music, Tyro
I condemn cask wine.
I also condemn adrien for polluting this fine site by recreating the words of an unhinged wingnut.
I also condemn the evil of gin and tonic that makes me consume it.
I condemn Apple for introducing us to the “funnest” Ipod evah. No, it’s not a word and it’s too awful to qualify as a neologism. Get an advertising company that speaks English.
I condemn misuse of the word ‘simile’.
BBB
Verily do I condemneth all those who writeth the word “teh” in their posts. Urketh! Despised spawn of Pharisees and Hittites, all of them! Merry Christmas!
I condemn John Denver and all his oeuvres and thank the Lord for Gravity.
Fr.Jack Hackett
At Christmas, and at all times, I condemn the Institute of Public Affairs (IPA)
No, it clearly has a point in terms of your own ego maintenance or whatever. Nevertheless, since appreciating subtle hints isn’t your thing apparently, we’re mightily sick of so many threads being about WHAT ADRIEN THINKS. And boring stoushes, not enlivened by segues into apparent or alleged humour.
Two new rules for you – which are actually the comments policy:
(a) stick to the three paragraph rule. Learn to express yourself concisely in a cogent way and without meandering off the point.
(b) Threads not to be about what you think. So limited comments.
You stand condemned.
Get yourself some social skills for Christmas. Being able to interact with people is actually much more enjoyable than an endless monologue.
Simile, and the whole world similes with you.
I totally condemn anyone who:
- thinks ‘podulating’ is a real word;
- serves asparagus at a dinner party without stocking the loo with an easy to hand air-freshener;
- doesn’t think Serge Gorodish has the coolest lighthouse-based beach home in cinema history;
- meets a cat or dog without giving ‘em a sniff of your (folded) hand first;
- is a bloke who doesn’t understand getting the gig line right;
- thinks being drunk autmatically instermedilly fortfulleslly deftfanlitinanly suavefuckingly makes ‘em amusing: and
who is podulating about a screenplay about Charlie Chaplin’s corpse getting nicked. Again.
Also, death to idiots pestering you about office Xmas party Kris Kringle contributions.
“So exactly what bit of “how do I gift wrap a turd” don’t you understand?”
“Can I podulate on that?”
BBB:
I condemn myself like a Raymond Chandler simile, at the same time cynically and with an offhand false hope.
I condemn myself for not realising today was Xmas Eve until I watched morning television. (Frantic activity checking Centrelink to see if I had money in the bank. I do.)
Yay, Kim at 46.
I condemn that sense of relief that comes when you think that you have done all your Saturnalia shopping, that is dashed when one of the multitude of step parents that ones gamate doners have accumulated over the years suddenly pops out of the woodwork and is comming to visit.
I also wish to condemn the gathering ‘pec war’ between the Ruskies and the Yankees.
I condemn k. Rudd for not joining in the pec war between the REussians and the Yanks, if only because it doesn’t give me something else to laugh about at Xmas.
I condemn myself for pissy over-disclosures at various functions this month.
Saw on TV that Tony Blair and Gordon Brown have also joined in the pec war. Ugh! Condemned.
Baz Lurhman’s Australia has a lot more to answer for apart from Hugh Jackman’s pecs, including (I gather) his patronising attitude to Indigenous people. But the pecs will do for a start.
@Nabs 48: “podulate”? is that like a hour-late “podcast” or something?
@Ambigulous 39: Yes. Yes it is indeed.
I now thoroughly condemn boxing day, as it has a hangover.
I condemn people being internationally offended.
I condemn the BBC world news website for cutting very short the apparently inocuous Xmas message of the Iranian President. From the precis I read of the speech he didn’t say anything offensive and might in fact have been putting out some diplomatic peace feeler.
I condemn Western governments and media for being too stupid to realise this.
I condemn myself for not knowing how to spell inocuous. (I think its mispelt, though despite several tries have not been able to work out the correct spelling. I know there are no ks in it.cc doesnt look right nor does nn.)
I condemn the paternalistic seasonal cries of “never swim at unpatrolled beaches” and “only swim between the flags” which fail to take account of (a) the realities of where many people choose to go for their summer holidays; (b) the realities of the Australian summer climate and its predictable effects on the recreational choices of aforesaid holiday-makers; (c) the reality that the combination of rapidly expanding populations and inelastic lengths and locations of “safe” beaches have the effect of turning patrolled beaches (especially near metropolitan areas of Sydney and south-east Queensland) into wet moshpits.
I condemn the sharks for not realising there are more people swimming in the ocean than there used to be when I was a young-un.
I condemn peole calling for a cull on sharks
I condemn pedantry and all it’s pomps.
innocuous
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/innocuous
I condemn Israel for its brutal and unlawful collective punishment in the Gaza strip. Its just plain murder, not justice against the actual offenders, and your leaders stand as condemned as those of Hamas.
Ah.
I condemn corner shops that stay shut till after the New year. It means longer walks if I need stuff. Fortunately, some-one is bringing me smokes I really shouldn’t have this afternoon. Have to go on thepatches again soon.
I really condemn myself very very deeply for smoking far far too much.
@61 – post on Gaza:
http://larvatusprodeo.net/2008/12/29/eyeless-in-gaza/
I condemn Proposition 8, but I do not condemn Proposition 8: The Musical, with Jack Black.
I condemn those who have forgotten that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of baby Jesus – whether they are practicing Christians or not – and who indulge in orgies of consumption, gluttony and drink – some of which end in avoidable tragedy.
I condemn those who don’t drive safely.
I also condemn the one in control of the wind who turns it off when I am on the beach waiting to kitesurf.
I dondemn the unbridled consumerism of Xmas because its a capitalist con for depriving people of money they wouldn’t otherwise spend.