It’s time to talk about Victoria.
It’s become clear since yesterday’s arrests that the alleged terrorists have one thing in common. One thing that the PC-obsessed, ALP-controlled, ethnic-loving media are too scared to talk about.
They all came from a state with a history of violent separatism dating back to 1854. Their home territory has been torn apart by lawless crime-gangs, random gun violence, racist street thugs and strident voices preaching hatred.
You know what I mean. Even the name carries triumphalist overtones of world domination.
These Victorians may sound innocuous — their motto is Peace and Prosperity and they call their homeland the ‘Garden State’. But they are already making moves on the rest of the country, infiltrating Queensland in unprecedented numbers. Soon we in NSW will be caught in a pincer movement. Once their domination of the east coast is established, there is nothing to stop them rolling westward to claim the entire continent.
Their customs are clearly incompatible with our way of life. Their laws of ‘footy’ bear no resemblance to any code recognised by Western society, yet they have successfully established this alien code in four other states. That and their oppressive clothing. Forcing people to wear knitted beanies and 12-foot scarfs is just a way of reproducing ancient tribal customs with no place in modern society.
We in the rest of the country need to protect ourselves from the Victorian menace. For starters, we should repatriate anyone of Victorian descent back to their old country. Since they love their ‘footy’ so much, I’m sure they’d be happy to live in a place where it’s the law of the land. And for anyone who wants to remain behind, they have to start adopting our ways. As far as I’m concerned, they have 30 days to choose a League team or head back south of the border.
You may think it harsh that all Victorians must pay the price for a few bad apples. Spare me your bleeding-heart rhetoric. So-called “moderate” Victorians let these terrorists plot their attacks right under their noses, and did nothing to stop them. They haven’t even taken to the streets to protest their fellow Victorian terrorist-plotters. Their silence speaks volumes, and there is no way to interpret it other than as tacit support.
You may think my analysis over-simplifies the issue. But what other explanation could there possibly be for these young, male, poor Victorians to go on the rampage?
Wake Up Australia!
You’re onto something here.
I followed your link labelled ‘strident voices preaching hatred” and found some bloke called Danny Nalliah.
Isn’t he the bloke who was #2 to the fella who was put into the Australian Senate by the Victorian ALP?
A coincidence?
I think not.
You do realise that “footy” is the dominant code in 5 of the 7 states/territories.
Not just Victoria.
How little you know.
Those beanies and scarfs are what everyone should be watching in dismay about,and Yobbo’s 5 in 7 rule is another key indicator.Since Victoria is the home of major car manufacturers rather than piss-up Nuke mining Blackwater connected Uranium Mining shareholders like South Australia,then it surely wisdom to know that the beanie and scarf have multiple uses,and when these fans travel on trains especially it is,as it is found to be,an attempt to discourage use of public transport.The fan’s scarf is in fact,a fan belt in disguise since a Hawthorn Footballer couldn’t cover up the fact of wearing stockings,and testing the bacteria associated with opposition players mouths.More to the point, they represent car chains for those who have car break downs.These constant tossing of over the shoulder stuff and draping down to backside and beyond represent the blind side of accidents in cars and on grounds.. football.They can be wrapped around tyres to leave no burnout marks,and thus strange markings on roads baffle like bullshit the forensically minded.. where ever you find them.Whereas people outside of the Victorian Border will say ,quite often ‘What is this shit!?’, Victorians don’t, because of the great tourist destiny of the Weerribbee Sewerage Farm.No matter ,how the town is spelt,or, its closeness to God country being Geelong.And thus the symbolic almost becomes a reality of locations.The Beanie is a sort of Catholic Plate to collect coins in after singing the team song,so those not amused can get immediate relief.However the contagion of Throat Singing amongst animal related Victorian teams, may mean no relief at all soon.Footscray Bulldogs,a Grech related Throat Singing versus Geelong Cats for example,as far as native locals are concerned.. the pitch is worse than the bite or scratch.They,have also combined the Long Beer March and using the bottle to practice blowfly melodies..so that the Teev will be full of this.I have decided to duck out the back,in true Yoga style,because I miss Hey Hey It’s Saturday!?
Not to mention the fact Victoria produces 30% of Australia’s food from 3% of its arable land mass. If we sealed our borders why the rest of you could be paying up to 20% more for cheddar cheese slices and those little tubs of apricot chunks.
Also philiptravers!?, next time you comment, could you take into account the fact most of us here speak English as a first language.
Some one said there are other States.
How long has this going on?
“As far as I’m concerned, they have 30 days to choose a League team…”
While I have no interest in ARL (And if you want to watch men in tight shorts wrestling in mud over a piece of leather, there is no shortage of websites out there catering to such tastes) I hafta admit Melbourne Storm is a pretty good name for a League team. Nice use of a singular noun among plural nouns that also pays homage to our vigorous weather.
I admit it. We’re the scum of Oz and we’re headed for national domination.
Nabakov:
Grrr, don’t get me started on one of my pet hates: those workshopped, market-tested names (usually abstract nouns) that cast teams as nebulous Brands, and make them indistinguishable from deodorants or members of the X-Men.
You know the ones: Storm, Power, Heat, Fury, Pulse, Roar, Throb, etc. etc.
Surely a team name can give a nod to the origins and history of the district it’s supposed to represent, or at least be memorable and/or outlandish? (Personal favorites: The Tar Heels of University of North Carolina, and the Kolkata Knight Riders. Has the Hoff been spotted at the IPL yet?)
hmmm… And don’t forget their mythologising of armed brigands.
Storm, Power, Heat, Fury, Pulse, Roar, Throb, etc. etc.
Next generation of Palin names.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
“We in the rest of the country need to protect ourselves from the Victorian menace..”
At least here in NSW we have Sussex Street to protect us. Thank God for Joe and Eddie.
“But what other explanation could there possibly be for these young, male, poor Victorians to go on the rampage?”
All the clothing – send them all to the Goldie for week and they will be straightened out in no time. Socks , scarves and beanies will be a thing from their tormented past once they have boardies, thongs and T-shirt on.
Ophuph, one of the things I love about the IPL is that it’s a competition with the Royals, the King’s XI, the Royal Challengers, the Super Kings and the Knight Riders—in the biggest Republic in the world. God India’s awesome.
Victoria, on the other hand, has an institution whose main job is to keep people driving on the left hand side of the road, whose motto is “Uphold The Right”. That’s not cute or oddly sympathetic, that’s just wierd.
Go the LP Abstract Nouns! Carn you nouns.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_OKdf8I_bxhI/SLYBMfXBZXI/AAAAAAAACgU/nXVT-qdaO84/s1600-h/victoria+map.bmp
I normally loathe Bogan names. But I quite gancy the idea of being called “Throb”.
OMG, they’re onto us.
And it’s taken only 150 years.
The most dangerous and deadly places in Victoria would currently be the nightclub precincts on Saturday night. Several deaths from bashings – some apparently quite random – over the last decade. Docklands, King St, St Kilda, South Yarra etc. Booze is a signficant factor in this.
The days of Ned Kelly’s bush vs establishment uprising are long gone. Now it is alcohol and drug fueled yobs.
And the very occasional terrorist cell.
What’s that weird shivering I feel?
Oh, right, its post 18 draining the funny out of the thread…
(personally, I think big V is conspiring to subdue the local population by progressively running us all off the road and into ditches. They’re taking over, one poorly judged lane change at a time D: )
I for one welcome our southern overlords, and would like to point out that as a musician I can be of use in rounding up dissidents to toil in your tapas mines.
And State religion. Don’t forget that.
It is amazing that a so called game that has the temerity to call itself foot ball and then spends probably 80% of the time hitting the ball with a clenched fist,holding it in the hands and running along albeit bouncing it as you go and now and then dropping it onto the foot for what can only be described as an easy way to kick, can still call itself football.
The only true football is of course played with a round ball,which was too hard for VFL/AFL teams to construct. They then changed the name of this correct game of football to soccer.
On the other hand, they have an outstanding police force.
To avoid re-education, shed your colourful clothing and start spouting lazy regional stereotypes.
“Not to mention the fact Victoria produces 30% of Australia’s food from 3% of its arable land mass.”
Yeah.. and all it costs is South Australia’s water security, the acidification of our lakes, the slow death of the Coorong and the degradation of our fisheries.
Hope your real proud of yourselves, you foreign devils!
I’m reminded of a hilarious youtube about the Australia test.
“They asked who discovered Australia. I say Aborigines. They say, no first white person, I say (various dutch explorers). They say, no first English man to discover Australia, I say William Dampier….”
The answer being looked for is of course James Cook. Who discovered (the location for) Sydney.
The media, covering all of Australia, from Manly to Penrith.
Victorians killing South Australians in weird and cruel ways…hmmm…
Another South Australian icon poached by Victoria!
You’re too late Mercurius. We’ve already captured the Department of Politics and Public Policy at Griffith University. I’m Academic Integrity Manager, one of my fellow expat Melbournians is Program Director and another is Head of Department.
Paul
Who’s in charge of the sheep-dip?
Victorians have been migrating to Queensland for years; the motive? It is an entirely altruistic push to bring the average IQ in Queensland up to the National Average.
We are clearly failing in our attempt. Drat.
Huggy
GregM, we’ve entrusted the sheep-dip to our ex-Vice-Chancellor, also an expat Victorian.
“And the very occasional terrorist cell.”
As a matter of fact, upon visiting Victoria last year I discovered that there are plenty of these cells all over the state.
To make matters worse, they’re usually out in plain sight, wearing dark blue shirts and scarves or light blue shirts and pointy hats, and carrying either guns or beers (and occasionally both).
Peterc @ 18: I think you’ll find the most dangerous place to be in Victoria, as most of Australia, is on the road. People try to randomly kill me with their cars EVERY DAY! Hundreds of people die in cars every year in this state, not many die in night clubs.
So can we get Bill Lawry done for incitement? I seeth with rage everytime they show coverage of that provocatively named “Boxing Day Test”.
Hang on, DBD, you were born in Victoria!
Still, you’re right about the rest of the Victorians stealing our water.
Oh yeah, i forgot.
Katz@21 “another South Australian poached by Victoria”….hey Mercurious, how about I cook you “niiice dinnner”. You would need to travel to Victoria but we can provide an armed guard for you and some nice herbs to eat on the way.If you get too cold in the van we have a special scarf (yellow and black). You want barbecue -we’ve got BIG barbecues.You want red wine….We’ve got special wine (sometimes for altar but we’ll make special sacrifice for you).We will treat you will all the respect you deserve after making such a considered contribution to this thread. I can assure you with all the genuineness of an Eric Abetz apology that we mean you no harm. Please ring ASAP – its Thursday now, we need to get the coals going for the barbecue.
There’s a wonderful Bruce Dawe poem, “Life Cycle” which begins, I think
“When children are born in Victoria …”
which does have a bit to say about …Carn … streamers…scarfed …Demons…Saints… Carn the Hawks.. Carn the Cats…Carn the Bombers.
But, although I know I own at least one copy (in “Sometimes Gladness” I think) I can’t find the book and it isn’t on the web.
Someone with a copy might like to post the relevant parts.
It’s in ‘Sometimes Gladness’ ‘cos I did it for me HSC.
As for the rest of you….we come in peace. We mean you no harm. Accept our rule and you will live well and prosper.
Those who do not are clearly unVictorian and do not understand their own best interests.
We will (in the nicest possible way) help them realise the benefits of Rule Victoria.
DeeCee, I found it! –
When children are born in Victoria,
The spontaneous wave of euphoria,
Soon gives way
In the cold light of day,
To antipodean phantasmagoria.
Life Cycle, Bruce Dawe
[A verse of exposition]
Carn, they cry, Carn … feebly at first
while parents playfully tussle with them
for possession of a rusk: Ah, he’s a little Tiger! (And they are …)
[Yadda Yadda]
So that mythology may be perpetually renewed
and Chicken Smallhorn return like the maize-god
in a thousand shapes, the dancers changing
But the dance forever the same – the elderly still
loyally crying Carn … Carn … (if feebly) unto the very end,
having seen in the six-foot recruit from Eaglehawk their hope of salvation
[Not much talent from Eaglehawk of late.]
Yes mehitabel,
we mean them no harm [but the fine print says they may be done a teensy bit of harm for their own good and, more importantly, for the Greater Good of Victoria].
Greensborough Growler: apparently there ARE other “States”. Look, I blame it on one of the forebears who was given most explicit instructions to demolish the quaint little settlement at Sydney Cove, byt apparently was bribed with rum (or worse) and neglected his duty. Very unVictorian.
I’m just annoyed that Purvis Cellars are stuck in that Great Southern Foggy Miasma.
Buggers should be in Sydney where the great drinkers of beer are
Yobbo’s conceit about 5 out of 7 states implies that the states are somehow equal, which I have always found to be, well, cute. And I say that as a New South Welshman who has actually deigned to visit other states.
Can’t believe The Liberal Party didn’t get a mention here. Peter Costello has remade the Victorian Division entirely in his image, with people like Tony Smith and Mitch Fifield cut from the same block of lard and stamped with a vacant smirk found in a decommissioned factory in Coburg. There was a very real chance that these zombies would actually become a praetorian guard for a takeover of that party, but luckily this movement exhausted itself just in time. You could whinge about the NSW takeover of the Liberal Party, I suppose, but resistance is futile.
Victorians would never take over the ALP to the same extent for the simple reason that all agree that they are all mad down there.
I left Victoria, really permanently around the age of 24, I had never visited Moonee Ponds in that time.I had protested many times,but never visited Moonee Ponds.I revisited Melbourne and Victoria ,ended up in a Mental Hospital,and had visited Moonee Ponds.Strange thing happened in the Mental Hospital..I had a bed next to a human called Moonee.What do you make of that,as either first language,[a potential I found to be in Commonwealth Employment Service,only] of Victorian times,or a second language ex-Victorian times!?
Queensland also has a problem – its called NSW. Now if the whole nation can’t just rise up and condemn NSW in general – and NSW uglies in particular – then all hope is lost. We’re doomed. This is because NSW is the Great Satan…not Victoria.
PR@47
Nah.
Its just Sydney. I haven’t met anyone from the rest of NSW that was as self centred and abhorrent. Perhaps they have it worse in some ways, much like most country areas of Australia. Overlooked and forgotten compared to the capitals.
Almost 50 comments and nobody’s mentioned our finest achievement, Steve Fielding.
wilful @ 49
Pfft! I see your Steve Fielding and raise you a bluddy long way with Eric Abetz. It makes me so proud to be a Tasmanian. *Sobs hysterically*
Actually, this is a tough debate for me. I naturally want to heap shit on Victorians, but I feel that if I do that on this blog that I might look like I’m siding with Queenslanders, or even worse, New South Welshpersons. Can’t do that!
Victory shall be ours! We will force the little settlement at Sydney Cove to use our brown coal briquettes for heating instead of gum tree branches or chicken feathers.
If they demur we will hurl briquettes at them. Briquettes have sharp edges. Be very afraid, ye who deride our lignite heritage!
Jenny, it’s OK, Erica wasn’t born in Tasmania, whereas Fielding is a true Victorian, born and bred.
I’m really trying very hard to think of something witty to prove that this is really a good thing (or at least funny) but so far I’m failing dismally.
Andos @33, agreed, the roads are much more dangerous than the nightclub precincts.
Terrorism would be the lowest order threat. Bees kill more people per year in Australia, and Victoria.
Wilful @49. Fielding is not Victoria’s achievement – the Labor party (including Kim Carr) are wholly responsible for him being where he is.
Obviously you are not a Victorian. We catch and kill our own. We will take our own time about it but it will happen.
Meanwhile, from that sad place north of our border, Belinda Neal is positioning herself to be ensconced as the First Lady of NSW (and chief restaurant critic and expert on introducing the young into the workforce-so long as they know who she is and have not the slightest shred of self respect in telling her where to get off, as any decent Australian would and should) with her diminutive factotum scurrying to oblige her while harbouring the hope that the people of his sad, benighteted State would find themselves much improved wirh him as their premier and his consort as a special blessing as their State restaurant consultant and righteous upbraider of uppity kids who jusst want to do their job but can’t answewr the metaphysical question she put to them “Do you know who I am?”.
When you see government reduced to that farce don’t you just scream out for sober, just and righteous Victorians to come in and save you from it?
Mine at 51 was replying to a very dour post on Victrian brown coal power stations and their dire financial future. That post (and a sharp rebuke of its humourlessness) were removed it seems, leaving my response naked and bereft. Not to worry. As a Victorian I’ve learned to overcome the slings and arrows. Esp from NSW and Qld. SA and Tas, never a worry. WA too far away. Darwin? He’s a fine upcoming biologist, no?
Belinda for First Lady? There’s a lad! More aggro than your average NSWelshperson. Did they ever have convicted criminals in large numbers up in Sydney Cove? Was there Rum involved? Some kind of mutiny? We had a dispute over gold-digging here, that was our Eureka moment. Staunch democrats and gold-diggers all. I bid you good day.
Ambi (55): The very dour post on the imminent (TruEnergy have already announced they won’t be doing subtantial maintenence on their Yallourn power station in the foreseeable future) financial, electricity and (desal) water supply crises (related of course) that got disappeared and left your (51) comment stranded: was that mine? I know I meant do a very dour post etc, I didn’t pick up on the “Victoria is a joke” thread stricture. Puzzling really.
For anyone curious as to what sort of serious minded account of the grimly uncomfortable Victorian future warrants comment-burning here, here’s the link to the unadorned article the removed post was based upon.
Well I imagine it may have been yours Danny boy. I noted its content. Then one of our fellow-bloggers condemned your post as humourless. Then both yours and his disappeared in a very mercurial quick-smart kind of way.
I may assure you that many residents of the Latrobe Valley are very concerned for their jobs in the brown coal burning indistries.
But Belinda Neal is far more amusing. Perhaps Victorians could adopt her as our First-Lady-in-Exile? She will give the lie to Gough Whitlam’s nasty little jibe that “Sydney society” was a contradiction in terms. She will bring back grace, style and hauteur. We Victorians will goggle in astonishment.
Ambi, if Della gets up against Rees and then has to face up against the Libs in an election I know who I would have my money on for the restaurant vote. They’d vote for the Libs in droves rather than face the prospect of The Medea having the slightest say, no matter how obliquely (and she doesn’t strike me as doing anything obliquely or in half measure)in the running of their industry.
Still if the wildly improbable were to happen (there being quite a lot of restaurants in NSW, albeit some are of indifferent quality- as Belinda will tell you if you care to listen, and even if you don’t) Melbourne’s status as the restaurant capital of Australia would be confirmed- nay enhanced, with all the culinary asylum seekers from its north. Brisbane might pick up a few too which would not be a bad thing.
If the waiter/chef hordes head south, can we depend on Kelvin Thompson to have them seriously checked before they cross the Murray? I mean the Lesbanese, GregM, not the posho swanky French chefs and vignerons.
But if the restaurant staff flee Medea, where with the First Lady dine?
And who will volunteer to be Her Food Taster?
I would hope that Kelvin Thompson is checking on all New South Welshpersons who are crossing our border, Ambi, not just restaurant staff. They are all a dodgy lot irrespective of their ethnic antecedents. It wasn’t really fruit-flies we were looking for when we had those border controls.
The question with The Medea is not where she will eat but what she will eat. Restaurant staff I would expect. Given her track record.
Ambi: Gough’s ( Whitlam, not the other one) nasty little jibe for us’ns north of the mighty Tweed was “Queensland: that’s not a State it’s a condition”.
Kev says “You can hear the banjoes as you cross the Murray “, but I’m not sure of which direction he speaks.
I’ll take you pig shooting in the Riverina one day, Danny. Then you’ll know where all the banjo music is coming from.
Geez, isn’t Kelvin going to have trouble getting a falafel on Sydney Road now (and it’s his electorate).
And his chances of getting some harissa or a good recipe for dukkah …
‘Pig Shooting in the Riverina’ … umm, thanks, Greg, but no thanks … me and a kangaroo, when I was much younger, and it wasn’t getting any older, had an unfortunate meeting on the Hay plain, or something (I’ve fairly successfully supressed the memory), which meant I had to hitch through, and I encountered en route enough of the other local hind-leg supported animal life to last me a lifetime.
To be honest, at that point, though it wasn’t where I was meant to be going, heading south and, with a bit of luck, eventually crossing the Murray, seemed like the best, quickest and possibly only, way of finding a civilisation. I still get a shiver when I watch the opening sequence of ‘Paris, Texas’.
As for the gentlepersonly art of pig-shooting, and lest youse think I’m not rudely bucolic enough for the pastime… where I went to school, way out west where men are men and cattle are nervous, that was one of the Wednesday afternoon sports choices, and regarded as only for sooks, of either gender. Now pigdog wrassling, that was another thing alltogether. Some of those bitches were great sport.
Gosh, Danny, that sounds like a very rough school that you went to. I’m sure from your description that music lessons there were all with the banjo.
I’m not sure what all this talk of banjos is supposed to mean. Charles Shultz said it best.
The Medea wouldn’t need to cook the restaurant staff? Eat ‘em alive??
Glad to hear the arrangements for strict border control are in hand. Could we recruit Danny, with his experience of pigdog wrassling, to help person the border control checkpoints? Looks like a tough job.
We will only continue to react to these vocalisations of your inferiority complex with silent eye rolling and polite sniggering whilst you stay safely in your own safety-totalitarian bogan cesspit, pointing unsignposted speed cameras at each other and issuing one another licenses to fart near a tree (after a lengthy and expensive fight with council at VCAT).
Step away from the river please sir.
James @ 66, the banjos is a reference to this, the original source of Duelling Banjoes.
We South Australians hear those banjoes on both sides of the river once we cross our eastern border …
The third best thing to happen to NSW was getting shot of VIC in 1851. The second best was being rid of QLD in 1859. (Losing TAS in 1825 and SA in 1836 are barely with the mention.)
But the best event by a long chalk (or perhaps a long white cloud) was shaking off New Zealand in 1841.