"Bring it on"
December 17th, 2009 by Mark Bahnisch | Published in Howardia, Media, Politics, Sociology | 50 Comments
If you’re anything like me, you’ve been preoccupied with festive socialising and the fact that you haven’t bought any Christmas presents yet. But, in the rarefied circles of political tragedy, there’s a frisson of excitement, or perhaps manic enthusiasm, unrelated to the upcoming holidays. About Tony Abbott.
Yesterday, we had a ‘fighting speech’ described as ‘Churchillian’. Winston must be turning over in his grave, or at least reaching for another scotch.
Today, we’ve got an op/ed from John Howard’s chief of staff, Arthur Sinodinos, which certainly fits the description of excitable. Abbott isn’t Churchill today, he’s Spartacus. Make of that what you will. It’s effortlessly deconstructed by Andrew Elder.
This mad boosterism about Tony Abbott’s pugilistic style has one purpose, and one purpose only. (Fantasies about armies of tradies who know all too well the Rudd stimulus has kept them in work adopting Abbott as the new messiah are just that; there’s no sensible electoral calculus in the Liberals’ current positioning.)
If money follows the polls then the Liberals are buggered. If you were on a corporate board you’d have Mr Abbott to lunch as a matter of courtesy, and listen to him describe cutlery as namby-pamby and elitist. Then, you’d send a donation to the ALP to keep in sweet with Senator Arbib.
Both Abbott’s speech and Sinodinos’ piece are really just fundraising letters. The Liberals are broke, deserted by big business. The policy suggestions, such as they are, are also premised on a fantasy – that Labor really is a socialist wolf in sheep’s clothing, with mad skills in disguising its intent to tax everything in the cause of redistribution.
Kicking the union can again is also significant.
Abbott does have an ideological position, one akin to Barnaby Joyce’s. He’s the voice of the petit bourgeois mentality, the populist appeal to those who feel themselves under siege in a fast moving world. It’s Pauline Hanson politics without the racism. Irrational, driven by affect, and projection. It’s the pure cry of the aptly named ‘anti-Labor forces’, and has no resonance or point of connection with the reality most of the electorate see.
It’s capable of attracting all sorts of folks driven by ressentiment, though, so it might bring in a buck or two. Here’s a tip, though: polls to stay around 56/44 in Labor’s favour.
I’d be betting with you on that one, Mark. Abbott reminds of one of those cheesy show-biz wrestlers. Hulk Hogan without the charm, if you will. ‘Bring it On’, whilst thumping his over-exposed pecs. Ah well, I guess they’re the only thing he’s got going for him.
nice post mark!
the liberals need to come up with another election strategy besides trying to mine ressentiment
Demosthenes, on hearing the praise meted out to the Abbott, is reputed to have swallowed a pebble.
Agree Mark – even the hardcore elements of the MSM wont be able to suspend disbelief in the Monk or much longer.
I maintain by prediction that the coalition will receive its lowest vote since the 83 election. AS someone who desire and ALP govt with a green BOP in the senate – I was far more concerned about Talcum.
I think Abbott’s new inquiry into small-business supports the thesis that big business is seeing them as a sub-prime investment. http://www.theage.com.au/national/libs-look-for-people-power-20091216-kxhl.html
Mark, you can add to this sorry collection of contributions from The Australian the column by Janet Albrechtsen yesterday, where she wondered out loud that any woman who didn’t fancy Tony Abbott’s “hairy rug” was probably a lesbian.
Linked text
Janet has a new “sultry” photo to accompany this turn. Its like Albrechtsen, Sinodinos and Shanahan want some kind of Xmas orgy with the guy.
The sad thing is that neither Abbott or Backblocks Barnaby have anything positive to offer Australian voters. Their mealy-mouthed/loud-mouthed styles and the ‘ideas’ that emerge from them reek of what you said -pb mentality- in all its dreary tones.
What could they possibly do to improve themselves?
@5, saw that yesterday Terry. Thought it was kinder not to link to Planet.
OMG I just read that Albrechtsen link and I think I’m gonna throw up all over the keyboard. Is she trying to sound all raunch culture hip with her admiration for the Monk’s body? Thank the Goddess Christmas is just around the corner and Abbott and his groupies can have a good lie down.
A bit more like Sejanus, of
Tiberius’Howard’s Imperial Bodyguard, ie the Praetorian Guard, having eliminatedDrusus Julius CaesarMalcolm Turnbull.His prior appointment as
PraetorHoward’s hatchet man, was unusual for a person from the ranks of theride ‘em “bareback” pell mellEquestrian class.I particularly like Andrew Elder’s use of the tag “boofheads” for his article.
It’s difficult to imagine big business supporting Abbott, given his choice of finance spokesman (“The United States Government is about to default on its debt”. “Stop Chinese investment in Australia now!”).
Gosh, Sinodinos is funny — the ALP should employ him as light entertainment at their next conference. “Both opportunistic and principled”? Failing to understand the concept of “loyal opposition”? And lauding Barnaby as a “higher primate”? Perhaps some high-spirited Young Liberals have been introducing him to Certain Substances.
NOT funny: the threat of more budgie-smuggler shots. Those flanks need covering! (Disinfects eyeballs again.)
Pass me my cafe latte. I’m looking forward to this!
You’d think that a serious newspaper would be embarassed to publish such comedy drivel. After all they usually have such high standards.
I did follow Terry’s link. I don’t read Janet often, mainly stick to Devine, but, by dog, she is breathtaking. She describes how “he told The Bulletin in 2005 after the baby given up for adoption 27 years earlier”. What’s this, I thought it wasn’t his and he ended up looking like a total attention seeking knob? Well pardon me for having two strong legs to stand on, he in fact showed “… grace. When he discovered O’Connor was not his son, Abbott admitted he felt “numb and devastated”.”
I mean how can you spill your guts about you hitherto unknown offspring to the national press without even checking to make sure that the hitherto is in fact yours? Normally you’d be described as a “tool” or perhaps a “jerk” or maybe “knobend” (my favourite). But he has “grace”, just like hail Mary he is full of it as is Janet.
So no bounce in the polls for Abbott? When Rudd was elected as Labor leader, Abbott was up there opining (somewhat enviously) that a change of leadership always elicits some bounce in the electorate. Looks like the ball hasn’t come down for him then – Hah!
Elder drops a clanger of his own, in relation to Damocles’s sword, which in fact failed to drop at all, if only by a thread.
Anyway, if Arthur is using the Liberal Clarion as a drum to attract funds to the cash-strapped Libs then why bother refuting it par by par Andrew Elder. It’s transparent shite.
But what’s with the old, follicle-challenged Ratty retainer giving advice to the Ruddster? My take is that he is a blogger of Larvatus Prodeo (rainbowdog?) and has been channelling your correspondent at comment no. 81 here. Efharisto poli Αρθούριος.
I’m Tony Abbott.
Ouch, those nails really hurt.
I’m Spartacus!
We in the woods of the Monaro are to be blessed with a visit from the barnacle himself tomorrow.
Barnacle Joy has decided to take up the case of Peter Spencer, a farmer from Shannons Flat (near Cooma) who has been on a hunger strike for 20 days and is currently residing up a wind monitoring pole.
Mr. Peter has lost numerous court cases but in all fairness the most recent decision in the court actually suggested that the HOWARD GOVERNMENT mayhave acted illegally when they linked land clearing laws to carbon credits.
At no point in time did the barnacle when he was in govt. protest these decision to my knowledge, for him to suddenly care smacks of hypocrisy and populism on a grand scale.I suspect that he is now about to attack the current govt. for a decision that his mob made before they were booted out.
I’m none to happy with rudd, but this type of opportunistic politics makes me want to scream, the only reason barnacle will be turning up at this sorry situation is to grandstand, not one person will question his role in the govt that made this happen.
Commentor@17, I served with Spartacus, I knew Spartacus, Spartacus was a friend of mine. Commentor, you’re no Spartacus.
But then again neither am I.
And who would want to be. A Balkan knuckle artiste with no clue whatsoever about geo-political strategy who ended up having many of his followers excruciatingly killed by an Empire that fell apart four centuries later from bad economic management driven by overambitious military-industrial-entertainment-real estate exploitations.
Not a parallel I think Arty should be drawing.
Also:
“Winston must be turning over in his grave, or at least reaching for another scotch.”
Winnie was a cavalry officer. Champers and brandy all the way. Scotch is what the Artillery, Sappers and Scots drink. The PBI and blue jackets get rum.
Fair cop, other Not Spartacus #20. You’ve got me bang to rights.
However, you undermined your non credibility with your knowledge of Winnie’s favoured tipple.
Are you REALLY not Spartacus?
Look at that. According to Andrew Elder there are more Grattans, Crabbs and Collesses than you can point a stick at. They must be cloning the little beggars.
When we really need more Albrechtsens.
What the shadow cabinet really needs is lots of Spartacuses.
Linked text
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_qyhZ9_eXCHM/SbnkFrTwh6I/AAAAAAAAAJM/D6Vz-WALU8A/s400/tonyabbott.jpg
Spartici, that really sent up the Janet Albrechtsen hotty-o-meter.
Terry, I noticed one of the comments after the article………
Do you think Janet would still like him if he shaved his … er … back?
And, also, could somebody tell me, since I never had a hairy chest, so I don’t know from experience, do you get beard rash on your breasts?
No, because the longer the chest hair the softer it gets, silky smooth in fact. Unless you give it a shave now and again… stubble is rash producing, definitely.
Janet would come in useful now that Tone is trawling for donations. Janet’s doctoral thesis was:
“The regulation of the fundraising process in Australia: searching for an optimal mix between legislative prescriptions and market forces”.
That one might be better addressed to, um, Jan.., Paul.
Caption: Mr Abbott gives thumbs-up to Vatican-approved contraceptive device.
Has anyone seen Spartacus lately?
Stanley and Dalton were crafting some seriously mixed and super sardonic (Maramalade!) messages there.
“This republic of ours is something like a rich widow. Most Romans love her as their mother but Crassus dreams of marrying the old girl to put it politely.”
“You and I have a tendency towards corpulence. Corpulence makes a man reasonable, pleasant and phlegmatic. Have you noticed the nastiest of tyrants are invariably thin?”
“One of the disadvantages of being a Patrician is that occasionally you are obliged to act like one.”
“You’ve grown very ambitious in your hatred.”
“I fought fire with oil. I purchased the Senate behind his back.”
“I have to pay these people!”
“All because of Crassus decides to break his journey at Capua with a couple of capricious, over-painted nymphs! These two daughters of Venus had to taunt the gladiators, force them to fight to the death and before I knew what had happened, *revolution* on my hands!”
“What? Wait a minute. Crassus here? Varinia, my red toga with the acorns. And some chairs in the atrium. Second-best wine. No, the best, but small goblets.”
What I think too many people don’t get about ‘Spartacus’ the movie is that it’s a swingeing satire about power politics. “Dr Marcuslove: Or how I learnt to stop worrying and love both snails and oysters.”
Billy, do you like movies about gladiators?
What have the Romans ever done for us?
P @ 32,
Actually have it on DVD. Watched about four times over the past eleven months. Always thought it was a very powerful comment on politics. Perhaps if Tones had watched it when he was a kid instead of going to all those religious movies Like Ben-Hur …
Meant S @ 32.
I should stop making jokes about Tony Abbott. God will send me blind. … No, wait … ah, forget it.
Hey Paul,
Just for the record, as the owner of a luxurious man pelt that would make Janets toes curl with delight and Sean Connery feel inadequate, I can categorically state that man-boob rashes are not an issue.
Ute Man,
Janet undoubtedly will be relieved. About not getting a beard rash. From Tones.
I fear LP may be starting an unfounded rumour about Janet and Tones, quite unintentionally – but then again one never knows what these Liberal Party aparatchniks know. Spartacus and all that. . Now, Kirk Douglas’s budgie snugglers when he was Spartacus were much better than Tones, if I remember rightly.
“Perhaps if Tones had watched it when he was a kid instead of going to all those religious movies Like Ben-Hur …”
Spartacus, only Sword and Sandal that doesn’t have Jesus in it. Only Kubrick could do it.
Abbott I hear, is the love child of John Howard and Bronny Bishop. I think the records state he was adpoted at birth by Wilson Tuckey and Pauline Hanson.
Let me make just one point about the analogy with Roman history.
Crassus crucified Spartacus and 6000 slaves on the road to Rome for all to see.
They all died.
Horribly.
It’s actually not the best analogy…
…it’s a GREAT analogy, Mark! :D
But surely we leftist elitists can do even better, let’s see:
*rummages through 1980s toy chest*
Abbott is Optimus Prime and Rudd is Megatron?
Abbott is He-Man and Rudd is Skeletor?
Abbott is Metallica and Rudd is Poison?
Abbott is Lego and Rudd is Playmobil?
Abbott is the Nintendo Entertainment System and Rudd is Commodore 64?
Abbott is Whitney Houston (before The Bodyguard) and Rudd is Belinda Carlisle (after Heaven is a Place on Earth)?
I have been away in the wilds of Borneo for a month and am still coming to terms with the Abbott leadership.I can’t stop thinking it is some huge joke being played on me by my friends. It isn’t helped by reading St Janet on why women should like Tony and the Spartacus column which was hilarious He did lose in the end crucified on the road to Rome. Is this how Tony sees himself? The ideological purist who will be martyred for his faith? And that Kirk Douglas movie has a whiff of the homo erotic about it; all those gleaming hairless well oiled male bodies Can’t see why people taking Abbott seriously. The Liberals look like Labor in the 50s–hopelessly split on an issue on which they have no common ground. Talk, and I know it is only talk, of a break away party forming out of the current Lib Nat mess is not as unlikely as some think.There seems to be no solution to the Libs woes unless something like that happens. In the meantime it is all I can do to stop falling about laughing every time I see Tony flexing his well oiled persona all over the media it is just too too funny. As is the Australians breathless reporting on his every move Now I know how Libs felt when they saw Mark Latham
Mark @ 41,
Maybe sinidonis expects a total Liberal wiupe-out at the next Federal election, with those Sybarite Greens becoming the official Opposition? :)
Ahem. Will people pleeese stop comparing Abbott the Austere with Mark Latham. Sure, Mark got some bad press and he could be a tad over the top, but he had a heart and it was in the right place. Also, he was enough of a gentleman to refrain from displaying his naked body, hairy or not, all over the public spaces.
Rainbowdog, you are forgetting Professor Man-boobs’ jogging exploits. They were not a sight one wanted to see.
Happily I missed that one Terry. I was out of the country at the time of Latham’s fall from grace so my memories of him are perhaps a bit too rosy. I liked his book but.
terry, I think it was Latham himself that used the epithet “manboob”.
We are seeing death-throes and mere rallying calls to the metrosexual faithful! But the broadband concept has split the young and they will suffer the ultimate poiltical fate for years of doing nothing much! *** I think the Libs, ask any supporter, are all very scared!!! ***
Im Spartacus at 24, that link should come with a warning label, I almost choked to death on my coffee! If Tony is Bronny and Johnny’s love child, then what will Tone and Janet’s spawn be like? Christopher Pyne comes to mind.