Lowbrow corner: Llllet's get ready to rrrrrumble!
February 20th, 2010 by Mercurius | Published in Levity | 16 Comments
Election years tend to bring out some frayed tempers on the conservative reporter benches, what with Caroline Overington giving a good slap upside ALP candidate George Newhouse’s head before the 2007 poll, hot on the heels of Glenn Milne’s “tired and emotional” assault on Stephen Mayne at the 2006 Walkleys.
So, folks, it’s time to get your crystal balls on. Place your Cluedo-style predictions for the quadrella, in the run-up to the 2010 poll:
a) Which journalist is going to assault…
b) …which public figure…
c) …at which venue/event, and…
d) …for what reason?
Winner receives one free internet!
Mercurius: By way of clarification – physical or verbal – in the same room, digital eg twitter or blog/print. Just checking.
You can’t replicate Overington, Mercurius. Her reality and the one the rest of us live in converge only in places.
And as the old joke goes, the only reason Overington got in trouble for planting a swift right on Newhouse was that she jumped the queue.
a) ABC News Online will assault
b) the Labor government
c) by the biased wording of headlines and placement of stories on their website
d) because they don’t want to be accused of left-wing favouritism!
@1 Fascinated, surprise me!
Mark Scott will bring Alan Jones to the ABC and thereby drag the Zimmer Frame audience back to Aunty and he will say “Well, we’re ferking well sick of these ABC poofters and this is what Australians want to hear, anyway. At least the Australians who live near me on the Upper North Shore, and who read The Australian, which kind of proves my point, to some extent.”
Glen Milne is going to try and punch out Glen Milne at the Walkleys for writing a sleazy story about himself. But he will miss and be dragged off stage right once more.
He will then write a sleazy piece about Glen Milne in revenge.
I wouldn’t be surprised if Andrew Bolt monstered Malcolm Turnbull sometime during the election campaign. The logistics may be a bit difficult, but surely only the tyranny of distance has prevented a few fisticuffs between these two thus far.
It will be particularly interesting to see how Turnbull plays his hand in this respect; will he quit or stay on, and will he go in swinging at his own team as well as Labor in Wentworth?
I don’t think your suggestion conforms to the guidelines, Guy. After all, Mercurius did specify it had to be a journalist.
Malcolm and Garrett realise they have enough money between them to go it alone, form their own party, work out legal way from their campaign fund to qualify as a superannuation scheme, with attractive tax advantage treatment afforded to member/supporter contributions, money rolls in, they hire John Clarke to devise policy and run campaign.
Miranda Devine will attempt to hit One-Tone, ’cause he’s one of those cyclist scum she’s always on about. She’ll then realise that it’s the man of her dreams and will then have to be restrained from feeling up the lycra…
Ewwww.
David @8 – Gold!
Ok Mercurius, I’ll give it a shot:
a) Piers
b) Marr
c) a couch, and…
d) irritation.
The side issue of the 2010 campaign will be the public unveiling of “Wentworth Man”, AKA the reinvention of Malcolm Turnbull. “Wentworth Man” will be middle class, metrosexual, environmentally aware and socially liberal. He will aim to wedge a Tony Abbott-led Liberal party from its left flank. And as 50% of the commentariat live in this electorate, he will get a lot of coverage.
I’m not sure where the campaign against Internet censorship is at present, but if Turnbull hasn’t been approached to champion the cause, he should be, Its the sort of cause that is a natural for him now that he can give his own party the finger.
Glenn Milne is going to crash tackle Peter Garrett during a Midnight Oil reunion conference in an eruption of long-suppressed rage over their height difference.
I know what I’d like to see, improbable as it might be, which is Marr rip his glasses off and hurl himself across the couch screaming “you fat dumb mutha…let’s get it on”. But hey, we all live in hopes. It is the only reason I watch Insiders any more.
There’ll be an all-in brawl in Readings Bookshop in Carlton after Andrew Bolt loudly denounces the obvious bias of a bookshop that stocks so many volumes by Henry Reynolds but not one copy of Windschuttle’s volume 3. Bolt will get off lightly, with a CBO, suspended on the condition that he seeks counselling.