Today’s Age carries this smashing story about a “Grooming Handbook” (yes, you DID read that correctly) the Commonwealth Bank issues to retail staff.
While the usual disappointing womens’ magazine stuff about how to pluck your eyebrows and what colour lipstick to wear features most prominently, a solid blow is also struck for gender equality. Both men and women are encouraged to look at themselves in the mirror and decide whether they are fat bastards or skinny minnies. “Rounded” fellows are helpfully advised to “choose more rounded eyewear” whereas ladeez without tiny waists should remember to always “wear tops outside skirts and pants”, presumably lest customers spontaneously vomit at the sight of an uncorsetted fleshy outline.
The newspaper story is ambiguous about whether staff face disciplinary consequences for failing to rigorously follow these guidelines, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s bad enough that such things are given out at all. Come to work clean and tidy and, if you don’t have to wear a uniform, dressed in a way that makes you comfortable about yourself, whatever that may be. Employers have no business instilling body image consciousness in their employees. The government tech school I went to in country Victoria had an insanely hard-arsed personal appearance policy (no unnatural hair colours, nail polish etc) which left me with a real hatred of this kind of paternalist busybodying about how people choose to present themselves. I worked in fashion retail for nearly ten years and during that time saw more than enough evidence of the way people are trained up to be dissatisfied with their bodies. You expect that kind of crap from diet pill manufacturers, not banks for pete’s sake.
The Age has very thoughtfully made a PDF of the whole hilarious/frightening CommBank document available via their website.
And now I am off to buy a Commonwealth Bank-approved “flesh coloured, smooth finish t-shirt bra” to hide my evil nipples “give [me] the best, most discreet look”. I might get some pantyhose while I’m at it, being careful to “avoid shiny finishes, they make your legs look larger”!!!
update:The View from Elsewhere has a good post up about this today – go read!
I see CBA workers have two body type choices: contoured or straight. Like a road perhaps. Oddly enough, I am straight from some angles and contoured from others, so I cannot follow their advice at all.
Aslo, this one for the glasses wearers: “If you have glasses, update them at least once a year.” Gee thanks.
I also like the advice on how to knot your tie and which brand of stockings to buy.
Sometimes I’m glad I can work from home in my grey tracky dacks, world’s ugliest shoes, and four year old spectacles.
What undies do they recommend for the rounded fellows?
heh
Bring Back Evil Nipples!
Must be something to do with banks. In another life I worked for the Rural Bank of NSW / State Bank of NSW and they too had a dress code for the satorially correct Bank Officer. Mind you that was 25 years ago!
I must say CBA have a great way of actually paying money to piss off their employees and attract negative media attention. It’s like a superpower that their management have.
I can see it now, under the new IR legislation, Commonwealth Bank sacks 250 employees for being more than 10 lbs overweight.
Yikes – the geometric dissection of the face on page 9 is scary shit. It’s like one of those paintings where the eyes follow you around the room. Also, a tad ironic that the neck is about 3 times too long.
Oh, dear, doe this mean I’ll have to wax myself before I can wear a backless, sleeveless gown to the ball?
Sounds very Islamic.
It all seems pretty innocuous to me unless there is compulsion and suppression of any individual style.
One of my biggest bugbears was / is dress codes. In a service industry with contact with customers where first impressions might be only impressions there are any number of idiots who have no idea how to dress. I’ve had to send people home to change from dirty loose torn tracksuit pants and thongs and T shirt. Women wearing flimsy high heeled shoes in highly unsafe situations not to mention the new raunchy porn star look and extensive bum crack flashing. Men who who can manage to make a suit and tie look like they have slept in it after a night on the turps and sleeping in a dumpster.
bah.
I don’t give a toss what people wear outside of work.
Bring back work uniforms I say.
Thanks to the bank and the AGE for at least a few guidelines for nincompoops.
Do you have a point, FXH?
Bring back work uniforms I say.
FXH, are you letting your inner fascist out, or is this because BBEP laughs at your safari suits?
When I was a graduate the HR manager told us that females were expected to wear stocking to work, but I never did on the basis that I couldn’t imagine anyone having the guts to actually bring up the subject to my face. I was right – no one ever did and I didn’t have to go to work feeling utterly uncomfortable or spend hundreds of dollars on stockings that I have such a unique ability to ladder within minutes of putting them on (or even while attempting to do so).
I now love working from home and being able to wear whatever I like. It is also a lot cheaper. Every now and then I do feel a bit embarrassed being caught in my pjs when answering the gate to visitors though…
I do think it’s best to manage to individual poor choices by employees as exactly that — individual poor choices. A quick word with a supervisor usually sorts things out.
But as a woman who has been chastised by my boss for not wearing make-up or dressing in a more ‘feminine’ manner, I do resent the level of intrusion some employers think they can make into your dress sense.
Actually FXH & Mandy bank at the branch that plays willie Nelson on the audio.
Bring back the Safari suit I say
On the flipside, there are colleagues who take deorderising to whole new levels. A colleague of mine used to spray himself with vast amounts of Lynx every hour or so, and it would choke up the whole office.
Chris, FXH is actually one of those men with a combover who wears shorts and a short-sleeved 70s body shirt with a tie.
I also take this opportunity to state that my 20s coincided with the 1980s, when mullets, string ties and narrow leather neckties were considered the height of fashion, and I can swear that I never once succumbed to these trends.
Funnily enough I had the misfortune to work for said bank for a brief time in the early naughties. I wonder if my lack of office attire know how contributed to the new guidelines?
I was allowed to wear pretty much anything I wanted, as long as it was a shirt, tie, pants and shoes combo. I was even allowed to keep my earrings, though only studs were acceptable.
One of my colleagues even had hair down to his waist (studiously kept in a pony tail).
Just as I was leaving the teller’s life they started introducing mandatory uniforms. They would distribute a catalogue (very slick) from which you could pick your new logo-ed wardrobe and then have the massive cost deducted from your weekly pay check, pre-tax even.
I wasn’t there long enough to have to buy anything, luckily, but it sounds like they’ve gone into overdrive. Maybe they could save themselves thee trouble and make people fill in a questionnaire on fashion as part of the interview process…
The most interesting thing is that this move comes right at the same time the banks are all working as hard as they can to stop people ever setting foot inside them. Soon they’ll have a very fashionable staff with nothing to do and no one to look good in front of.
Still, maybe someone at the top likes the thought of making all employees as uncomfortable as possible, either that or they are trying to create a new master race of helpful banking staff. Now I’m scared.
but what about FXH’s bellbottoms?
Apparently around 66% of Commonwealth bank tellers have unsuitable attire – also, they both wear cheap cologne.
With the Brisvegas weather as hot as it is just now, I’m in non bra wearing mode. So it’s lucky I don’t work at the Commie Bank!
“Commonwealth Bank – No Disgusting Hairy Fat Slappers Here!”
Hear Hear. We need them on Qantas flights.
Late thunder expected ’round Kim’s way tonight. hmmmm
Bring on the thunder, Zoe!
Horrendous weather in Vegas today so Kim and I went for a swim this arve!
Take any pickshers?
Nope. We went skinnydipping
Why stop with staff!
Some of the accounting firms used to issue guidelines to the wives as well, instructing them on appropriate clothing for ducking up to the shops (never know when you might bump into the wife of an Important Client), wearing to coktail parties (always go for the expensive gown – charge it to hubbie’s credit card) and taking the kiddies to the beach.
For the guys, the firm prohibited thongs at the weekend (never know when you might bump into an Important Client.)
homer /cs etc I’m guessing from the comments that Nabs and myself are the only people who put on a dinner suit to eat these days. I do however dress down with a crimson velvet smoking jacket and (loosely tied) cravat for computer work at home.
I’m serious though. Trying to get a bloody mob of people use some common sense in dress and personal hygiene when dealing with the public takes hours of time that could be used for something else – like making the business generate wages or delivering a better service.
I don’ t care what the backroom kitchen people wear stuck in their face or hung on their frame but I won’t accept the sandwhich makers or servers looking unkempt or wearing dangly piercings in their nose or lips – it’s off putting for customers. No sniffing or coughing while serving food either. On the other hand recruiting for a weekend doof dance trance concert fest – look as different as you can. On security? – don’t wear piercings where some idiot can grab and pull. I’ve seen too many ripped earlobes and even a nostril ripped.
Nurses have to be told not to wear a tie or scarf in the Emergency Dept. – drunken or just out of planet patients can and do choke you.
I don’t see that the bank’s guidelines are anything but helpful. You can guess I’ve already saved it and am revising it with my own warm fuzzy non judgemental clothes style.
And you reckon you listen to Dylan?
This was drawn at the time, but has only just seen print: Wot Collection Grooming Guide.
Jaysus! Now the CBA is charging $5 a pop for non-CBA ATM withdrawals.
Thats it, Im outa there. That’s simply criminal behaviour.