The McCartney/Mills-McCartney divorce stoush is being played for high stakes, with the lawyers for Prince Charles and Princess Diana representing the parties, and with a highly strategic leak of some court documents containing allegations Mills-McCartney has made about Sir Paul’s nasty quips, temper tantrums, habit of chucking stuff at her, shoving her around, etc etc.
There are some nasty ironies in this story. Not least, as Marina Hyde observes in The Guardian is that both McCartneys, leading members of PETA, seem to care little for ethical treatment of their own daughter. But I’ll leave you to read Hyde’s column for more on what would seem quite absurd to many about the couple’s political stances.
The other irony is that Mills-McCartney tried to reinvent herself some years ago (after a past as a page three girl and a tell not very much at all book) as the reincarnation of the postmodern saint Diana. Mills, an amputee, campaigned prominently to bring prosthetic limbs to disabled kids in Croatia.
Unfortunately for Saint Heather, though, her entire career has been marred by truly awful press – and the foundation of her charity was followed quickly by allegations of dodgy financial management. She’s also been dogged by allegations, always denied, that before becoming a charity activist, she was a high priced call girl.
Her latest gambit appears to be an attempt to relive the Diana story yet again, casting herself as the wronged woman. But as always her PR is terrible. What appears to be destroying her appeal for sympathy is the perception McCartney’s fans – as demonstrated on tons of websites – see her as an interloper who somehow dishonoured Linda McCartney’s memory by nabbing the ex Beatle. This charge – and the associated theme that “Paul would never be violent – he’s a man of peace and love” – is surely quite unfair. McCartney and Mills-McCartney might, despite their celebrity status, both be as horrible as each other as people. But it seems her PR play can never exorcise Linda’s ghost.
I think she did get a bad rap with the “he’s betraying Linda” crowd. I mean – he had a right to remarry – even if it did turn out to be shite. And I’m easily convinced that both might be ikky people. Who knows really?
I was interested to see in the paper copy of the Australian – I’m sure a bit of googling will disclose the text somewhere else – some extracts from the deposition lodged in court.
What seemed totally unbelievable was the bit about McCartney refusing to allow her to have a bedpan. Her stated reason was that when she needed to go to the loo at night, she wasn’t wearing her prosthetic leg, and had to “crawl on her hands and knees” to get to the loo.
Hasn’t she heard of crutches? I mean I’ve seen photos of her walking with them!
Of course, it could have been a stuff up by the lawyers drafting the thing. Perhaps she’s alleging that McCartney forced her to crawl on her hands and knees?
On the bad pr thing, the FAQ at her website is quite incredible. She’s rebutting the stories told to her discredit but, well, read for yourself:
http://www.heathermills.org/factfiction.php
She goes to the trouble of denying that she “dated and partied with Arabs”…
Oh, I hadn’t heard the bedpan story. That’s just stoopid, agreed.
Look, it’s a divorce and nothing that lawyers for either party choose to claim in divorce papers for the purposes of leverage should be taken as proven fact. Paul beat her? Check. Heather had kinky sex with farm animals? OK.
I do find the protests by PM’s fans about Heather’s alleged past fairly hilarious, though, given Linda’s famous pre-marriage job as a notorious starfucker.
Sir Paul has form…
I used to be cruel to my woman
I’d beat her and kept her apart
From the things that she loved.
Man, I was mean,
But I’m changing my scene
And I’m doing the best that I can.
Who was American comic who quipped (upon hearing about a married Lesbian couple wanting a divorce): “dont they understand? Divorce is a sacred institution between a man and a woman who HATE EACH OTHER!”
“On the bad pr thing, the FAQ at her website is quite incredible. Sheâs rebutting the stories told to her discredit but, well, read for yourself:”
It’s fantastic! Who’s doing her PR? Edina Monsoon?
“[our father] used his young children like slaves; we began working for him from a very young age, helping him to realise his dream of staging an animated version of Richard Wagnerâs âRing Cycleâ?. We were frequently forced to stay awake well into the night, cutting up slides, preparing his presentations and writing correspondence for him.”
Helping him realise his dream of making an animated version of Wagner’s Ring Cycle?
It appears to be her sister! Lacking a bit of objectivity perhaps.
“Helping him realise his dream of making an animated version of Wagner’s Ring Cycle?”
To quote her directly, Geoff, she talks about “staging an animated version of … the Ring Cycle.” So you really do have to sympathise with her. When your mad, bad, dad’s banging on about putting cartoons on stage I think you can see that the project was a pretty flawed concept from the get go.
But yeah, it definitely tops anything Edina could conjur up. Having your sister do your PR is not such a good idea. Heather should hire a professional. I understand Tom Cruise’s sibling is looking for a gig.
“…she talks about âstaging an animated version of ⦠the Ring Cycle.â? So you really do have to sympathise with her. When your mad, bad, dadâs banging on about putting cartoons on stage I think you can see that the project was a pretty flawed concept from the get go.”
Well, Peter Sellars did it (with a taped soundtrack and mannequins, I believe). Made his reputation. Now he hangs out at the Vienna State Opera, staging “Figaro” set in the Trump Towers and such. What can you do? Sometimes these bets pay off…
OK, not that I’m interested or anything, but the always credible and authoritative News of The World has hit back with this:
“For the first time since the showbiz divorce of the century started, one of Sir Paul’s aides has broken ranks to tell the News of the World how Heather:
# SMASHED up chairs and threw ornaments at the singer in screaming rows at their Peasmarsh home.
# HURLED a bottle of ketchup at him during one blazing hour-long bust-up over dinner.
# RANTED at him constantly in front of staff, branding him “old man”, and a “b*stard”.
# SPAT out her chilling threat to ruin him in a car-park showdown, yelling: “I’m absolutely gonna take you to the cleaners.”
# DEMANDED Sir Paul use his millions to buy a string of homes.
# LONGED to have her own chat show—and FANTASISED about becoming the new Posh.
# DESERTED bewildered Macca for weeks at a time leaving him to look after toddler Beatrice.”
Fantasising about being Victoria Beckham is grounds for divorce alone…….
Can’t disagree with that, Geoff.
How was she going to accomplish this feet of transformation? Plastic surgery?
“How was she going to accomplish this feet of transformation? Plastic surgery?”
Dramatically inappropriate weight loss, breast implants and a lacklustre musical career, I guess.
The News of the World has it thus:
“Dozens of rows were fuelled by Heather’s desire to turn her and rocker Paul into an older version of Posh and Becks.
“Heather dreamt of living like the Beckhams. She wanted that showbiz lifestyle,” said our source.
“She desperately wanted to do photo shoots in glossy mags. She kept asking, ‘Why can’t we do that. Why are they in there and we’re not?’”
From Heather’s FAQs
“It is often reported that Paul’s children demanded he make Heather sign a pre nuptial agreement. This is not true. In fact, Heather told Paul that she was happy to sign a pre-nup but he didn’t want her to as he considers it unromantic. Besides which, he knew it was completely unnecessary.”
You’d have to wonder if he is still of that opinion.
Lordy.
But incidentally, why is it a grounds for divorce that she LONGED to host a chat show?
Is Parky married? Or is it only problematic if you don’t actually get to host a chat show?
I’m still trying to work out Heather’s insistence on an antique bedpan. As Kim pointed out, Heather could zap out to the opulent ensuite bathroom on her state of the art crutches, or the solar-powered disability transport vehicle with built in vegetarian midnight snack facility.
Why an antique bedpan specifically? Stale weez under the bed is surely just as unappetising when you wake up in the morning whether it’s in a container from Target or one made by Faberge in the nineteenth century.
She was hoping to host one of those antiques chat shows, perhaps?
This is interesting. If you visit her home page http://www.heathermills.org/index.php it reads a bit like a celebrity version of the North Korean news agency http://www.kcna.co.jp/index-e.htm
It’s so choc-block full of information about HMM that the only things missing are the headlines declaring “Heather’s Work Off Press in Mongolia,” “Heather Meets Cuban Delegation,” and “Greetings to Heather from Participants in Joint Seminar Held in Bangladesh.”
Yes, we can all enjoy enjoy a good laugh at Heather’s expense. When it comes to media management she has not put her best foot forward. And she doesn’t strike me as the nicest person in the world.
But on the other side of the coin, there’s an aging billionaire Northern England pothead knight who ain’t heard the word “no” in over forty years.
“You gave me something, I understand,
You gave me loving in the palm of my hand
I can’t tell you how I feel
My heart is like a wheel
Let me roll it
Let me roll it to you
Let me roll it
Let me toll it to you
I want to tell you
And now’s the time
I want to tell you that
You’re going to be mine
I cant tell you how I feel
My heart is like a wheel.
Let me roll it
Let me roll it to you
Let me roll it
Let me roll it to you”
- Let Me Roll It – Sir James Paul McCartney, MBE.
Does anyone else here miss John Lennon too? He was a full throttle bastard who didn’t fuck around trying to appear nice when it got ugly. Not someone you could settle down with a knighthood.
And apparently not a bad singer/songwriter either.
Please Nabs. McCartney and Lennon were married to Linda Eastman and Yoko Ono – McCartney for nearly 30 years. I don’t kind of see either of them saying “no” to those good ladies all that often. In fact I recall Lennon running away with May Pang at one point but Yoko recaptured him and made him come back to keep funding her innovative, on-the-edge, art exhibitions. And didn’t Linda drag Paul all over the world extolling the dubious delights of nut cutlets and clubbing baby harp seals or somesuch?
It now turns out that Heather used the identity of UK journo, Heather Mills, for a couple of years. I think she’s the sort of chick that the Victorians used to call an “adventuress” – and not in a nice way.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-2417354,00.html
Fascinating link, Geoff:
Perhaps Heather could make more money by getting her sister to write a tell all biog?
Maybe that’s why Heather is involved in a marketing tie-in for “lifelike” prosthetics?
http://www.heathermills.org/limbs.php
<img src="http://www.dorset-ortho.co.uk/images/pages/1000051_1.jpg"
Would it be poor form to note she’s a bit of a babe?
But what about the mad stare?
<img src="http://beatlesnumber9.com/heather1"
As Lily St Cyr once said:
Not exactly the best shot, Ill grant you.
Oh. Your. God.
Were Heather and Lisa McCune separated at birth?
Speaking of her photos, and with regard to my point about bedpans and crutches, I’ve found one which proves that she does know what a crutch is:
<img src="http://www.tmz.com/media/2006/06/heather_mills_wi_265.jpg"
And even has a minion (her ubiquitous sister?) to carry her leg for her…
In a lot of her pics (aside from the glamour/modelling ones) she does seem to have quite odd facial expressions. She’s one of those people who I can’t decide whether she’s appealing or not. Perhaps it’s her “colourful” personality being written on her body:
<img src="http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2006/08/mills060806_600x854.jpg"
True Naomi. Stakes are low here.
Dammit, I’m with Macca! Even though he hasnt written a good song in 20 years. And even though I always preferred Lennon sneering his way through a bitchingly clever lyric before that anyway.
I reckon Macca needs to channel his old mate here, viz, ‘And your bird can sing’:
You tell me that ya got
everything you want
and your bird can sing
but ya dont get me
ya dont get me.
Stick that on the next album “Bedpans and Broomsticks”.
She has a long familiarity with bedpans, I think. She tends to look like someone is holding a turd under her nose.
Really, you reckon, Bismarck?
Perhaps so!
<img src="http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2006/05/heathermillPA230506_228x300.jpg"
Naomi’s right – the celeb bitchiness is fun!
Man, that’s weird. If you drew a vertical line down the center of her face in the last two pictures (esp. that big one) they would look like the half-faces of two completely different people. What’s more, they appear to be looking in two slightly different directions.
It’s a little like that wacky Star Trek episode, with those guys.
Another Star Trek moment?
<img src="http://pub.tv2.no/multimedia/na/archive/00252/heather-mills4_252404y.jpg"
Here’s a sample of her work as a model when younger, btw:
<img src="http://www.bild.t-online.de/BTO/leute/aktuell/2006/06/07/mccartney-ehe-statement/mfbq-4732514-heather-mills-halbnackt,templateId=renderScaled,property=Bild,width=263.jpg"
And another. Classy chick.
<img src="http://www.snarkygossip.com/wp-content/heathermills.png"
This shot is particularly sexy:
<img src="http://i6.tinypic.com/14c9m5f.jpg"
Ok, I’ll stop now.
Resume…
Of course her dress sense improved as the 90s wore on:
<img src="http://www.buzzfoto.com/photos/mills/mills.jpg"
Hey, look at that shot 2 comments back. I thought Cliff Richard was
gaycelibate!Another Star Trek moment?
Check out the size of that rock!
Geoff, as I’ve just discovered doing some picture research for my new post on fashion suicide, Heather is well on her way to achieving her ambition of “becoming the new POSH”:
<img src="http://larvatusprodeo.net/wp-content/uploads/2006/10/heather_mills_beach_brighton_uk.jpg"
IS it just me, or does she look like some Blonde, female version of Macca himself?
GODDAMN IT! Ive got it. She the dead spit of his brother, Mike McCartney. check out the lips and nose. Such narcissism! http://www.liverpoolmuseums.org.uk/mol/exhibitions/mccartney/
What happened to the boobs she had when younger? Did she have the implants taken out?
Yep, she did.
More, more.. be more cruel!
Heh.
See here:
http://larvatusprodeo.net/2006/10/27/former-one-legged-model-no-more/
Sorry to get serious, but does anyone know if misrepresenting one’s past would be grounds for a marriage annulment of some kind or at least removal of rights to any financial settlement? If I were Paul’s lawyer I’d raise the point that if he’d known the truth about her past (passing herself off as another journalist, taking on a friend’s story of abduction in her autobiography and generally denying she’d worked as a pornographic model, escort etc) then he would never have married her in the first place. I’d also try to get custody of the child on the grounds of her own history of violence (according to previous partners) and if she still managed to win anything from him, countersue for slander/defamation regarding her accusations that he beat Linda. And failing that I’d ask what exactly she contributed to the Lennon/McCartney back catalogue.
I suspect the powerful lobbying group of Golddiggers Through The Ages have ensured that laws about misrepresenting oneself are no grounds for losing out in the financial settlement area. Seriously, I believe one is SOL without a prenup that specifically names misrepresentation as grounds for negation.
Much like if an artist signs an agreement for their work to be distributed by Slimeball Media and then discovers that their art is adorning porno covers – if they didn’t have a clause stipulating against that in the contract, they can’t get out of it.
Annulment though: misrepresentation might end up being grounds for an annulment after the civil divorce proceedings had gone through, but that would only affect the petitioner’s communicant status after any subsequent marriages.
Thanks Tigtog. As a musician, I have had to deal with various offshoots of the Slimeball media empire, so I know what you mean about service/slavery contracts etc.
It would be great if the judge took notice of the public suspicion of Heather and goldiggers in general (even coming from most women,) and used this case to set some kind of sensible precedent based on a person’s time/financial contribution to a marriage.
Unfortunately, judges have always lapsed about thirty years behind public opinion, and going by recent divorce settlements, it seems they are just discovering 1970s feminism and the idea that all women are innocent victims of male oppression.