Thanks to commenter Paul Burns for alerting readers to this bewildering story of Tony Abbott lost in the outback at Kings Creek Station. On a quad bike. With Aboriginal guides. For 12 hours. Really.
Questions:
- Did he encounter a serpent in the wilderness?
- Instead of 12 hours, why couldn’t he make it 40 days?
- Where’s a rapidly-braking road train when you need one?
- Is he trying to emulate Rudd & Hockey on the Kokoda trail, or is this more of a John Kerry windsurfing moment?
- What’s next? Hot-coal walking? Slamming down some Solo fast? Nude bungy jumping?
Whatever the outcome, I’m sure the comedic value of all this will be lost on Tony. He still believes irony is women’s work.
Surely, he got ‘lost’ on purpose to generate another news story.
Actually, it would’ve been extremely amusing if he’d been kidnapped by a Chinese submarine …
ABC bullshit reporting gets it wrong again:
“There were grave fears for Federal Opposition Leader Tony Abbott after he went missing in a remote part of Central Australia yesterday.”
Fears? Amongst whom?
This is worthy of Russell Quoit who perhaps ought to be the next Lib leader.
DI(nr) @2: “kidnapped by a Chinese submarine …” Love it!!!
ABC: “…went missing” Wot?!! You mean he managed to leave the film crew behind? How careless of him?
Tony Abbott has boiled his brains out there in the NT deserts.
When asked for comment on Rudd’s Health Reform Plan, he said that the government was not spending enough money to make it work, and that two years is way too long for people to wait for implementation.
Made me laugh out loud
My ribs are lost somewhere in the outback, due to explosively split sides. I look forward to, and actively encourage, more Abbott Adventures.
And in any case: isn’t the modern equivalent of a “Chinese Submarine” an “Afghan Camel”?
There’s more in depth coverage at The Drum. Does it get any better than this?
(Yes, it does actually…bloody shite, really.)
Look, just sell the friggin’ ABC and put it out of its misery.
Or a 50% decrease in funding might do the trick. It’s the least of what these propagandists deserve.
@ 3 anthony, too true! It’s a quintessential Russell Coight moment!
Get back to your WORKCHOICES, Abbott.
@7 –
And, day in, day out, the commentariat decry KRudd’s spin?
More detail from The Herald Sun. Seems Abbott was led astray by Ian Conway, a pastoralist with “strong conservative views”. For his own reasons, he decided to abandon the group for two hours to search for a bush narcotic called Pitchuri.
What a wanker!! NOBODY who has worked in the center will be able to stop laughing at this dickhead. Who’s he trying to kid? And it’s not as if he was in the Simpson and went over a few north south sand hills and broke down or fell off and broke a bone { obligatory annual injury} He couldn’t get a job as a Jackaroo and he wants us to believe he’s a leader. Stick him on a horse and take him mustering, you never know, he just may learn to boil a billy without fucking up. But I seriously doubt it..
A quad bike? Huh?
Wot happened to his hoss, and the fishin’ rod with trout?
Self-sufficient, resilient man of the land and all that…There I was thinking he was offering us an Aussie Putin. Apparently not.
Next photo opp, bogan buggy, driving into Karratha with a slab for the boys?
First the truck on the Geelong road, now this. Is there a pattern of attention seeking here?
If it looks like a stunt, sounds like a stunt and smells like a stunt, chances are it is a stunt. But not a cunning stunt.
DAOOSG @12, that was a good article in the Herald Sun!
What you might call a well-planned trip in the desert outback. Do justice to Burke and Wills.
Not enough fuel, not enough food or water, no spares, no GPS, no maps, no call-in times, no knowledge of operating emergency equipment (sat. phone)…
Abbott couldn’t run a piss-up in an outback pub, and he wants to run the nation?
What kind of mobile telephone coverage is there out there? I would have thought that would be CB radio territory, or maybe a good place to carry a satellite phone if you were, say, a federal party leader entitled to a bodyguard`n’stuff.
Anyway, the man had hardware capable of transmitting text messages, so he wasn’t about to go all Dig Tree.
No racing down a steep slope on his quad bike after the Colt from Old Regret?
Why no crocodile wrestling?
Why no sitting crying in the gutter with Aboriginies at 3am?
What does the chk-chk-BOOM girl think of all this?
Enquiring minds want to know.
It’s the goanna chromosones, inherited from the Packer famly.
Once you get into that barren landscape you just want to squat there forever, and use that prehensile tongue on those juicy, juicy insects.
Lines going begging at the Drum…
“This day of adventure encapsulates everything that Tony Abbott is, and Prime Minister Kevin Rudd is not.”
Lost.
If this were an ALP leader it would be all about being lost in the politcal wilderness.
I bet this gets reported as his bush adventure. “Indiana Tones and the Raiders of the Lost Super Fund.”
Quad bikes are for wimps. This is how a real leader and man of the people goes bush.
Pitchuri? Now who was that for? Hope they weren’t planning to smoke it. When you “inhale” you cough yer bloody lungs up. You’re supposed to chew the stuff. Apparently it either makes you very alert or gets you very stoned. In the day before the arrival of the Europeans it was a major trading item right across the continent.
But, that begs the question – who was it for?
Mercurius, the serpent was in the garden – you know, old testament, Adam & Eve etc. The temptation in the wilderness involved the Devil himself, not acting in the guise of a serpent. Jeez, doesn’t the judaeo-christian tradition count for anything around here any more? Let’s hope the new national curriculum addresses this.
But Oz was apparently supposed to be Paradise. So much so that politicians, magistrates and judges in England used to complain that sending convicts out here wasn’t a punishment.
Paul @25: “…sending convicts out here wasn’t a punishment”.
Must be true.
They keep following them out here…
PatriciaWA – methinks a poem is brewing.
Tony was looking for a burning bush, you know what the campaign trail is like.
The key may be the pitchuri.
No “picture opportunities” just “pitchuri opportunities”. Is this why Tone keeps going bush?
Old-timers will be reaching for their Carlos Castaneda paperbacks, tales of mystic awe in mushroom heaven…..
But who can tell how the public will react? The pitchuri’s still out
Hooning around on a motor bike without a bike helmet?
Yes JohnD @30, in a failed attempt to procure a drug for a young person.
I think Tone needs to fess up to whether he had plans to partake in the use of this mind altering substance, as well.
- “Where’s a rapidly-braking road train when you need one?”
Has the leftist hatefest on Tony Abbott really plumbed such depths – fantasising about the gruesome death of a man with three daughters?
You need to take a good look in the mirror.
Actually, Mercurius @ 18, this particular enquiring mind (and, I suspect, yours too) doesn’t give a fuck, and half-wishes he’d stayed lost (except then the attention-seeking prick would’ve got even more attention).
I would do a parody upon Mulga Bill’s Bicycle but it is so close to truth all you need do is replace Mulga Bill’s Bicycle with Tony Abbott’s Quadcycle and Eaglehawk with Canberra. Try it yourselves!
This may sound odd but having read all manner of political blogs and MSM over the last 24 hours I’m beginning to sniff a change of discourse. It goes like this; Rudd let his guard down over Christmas and let Abbott steal a march. He allowed his “youthful” media advisory team to overstep the mark with the old has beens in the Canberra press gallery and they decided to show him and them who is actually boss. Months of hideous coverage ensue climaxing in the fever pitched, banshee like screetching that (sorta) takes a ministers scalp. Rudd does a 180 and says “yes, youse are right and I’m a fuckwit” and suddenly they all retract their daggers and realise it’s an election year and they are actually going to have to suck up to these scumbags if they want to get scoops in order to sell their stinking fish wraps. What opened my eyes was brilliant vision of Abbott in the outback castigating a “black-arm view” of the new education curriculum surrounded by the very tragic squalour his own government was unable to alter. Then when the health policy was announced he responded by “getting lost” in the NT and fronted the media in a dishevelled state. It struck me that he looked rough and rather hideous and dare I say it, undignified. Abbott is a clever politician but he has so much baggage from the Howard days that I cannot wait to see the contest proper start. Those who doubt Rudd’s ability need look no further than his debates with Howard at the last election. For the first 5 minutes I watched them through closed fingers but once he warmed up he cleaned the floor with Howard and Tony Abbott will be no different. Incidentally, whoever is advising Abbott should really not allow him to appear on camera with a few days growth as it makes him look like one of those old men you see at the gym who are forever loudly grunting about their waning virility.
This thread is like a truther’s convention. Abbott and colleagues get lost in what is, you may have heard, a place without road signs. Or roads. An actually rather common occurrence among folk who’ve never gone bush before.
LP hivemind reaction: IT WUZ AN INSIDE JOB.
Tony’s Desert Song of Lament to the Media!
What about me
It isn’t fair
Rudd’s had enough
Of the media glare
Now I want my share
Can’t you see
I wanna be
Where he is now
But I’m stuck out here
Without my gear
Not a camera near
With my biggest fear
You’ll forget about me
I oughta be there
And not here where
I’d hoped you’d be
Telling the world
I was nearly lost
But found again
It was meant to be
All about me
Forget the health gap
It’s a load of crap
Come on now
This is my wrap
What about me
What about me
What about me
Jacques @36: “Abbott and colleagues get lost in what is, you may have heard, a place without road signs. Or roads.”
Gosh!!!
You wouldn’t be talking about that country called…ummm, ahhh…Australia, by any chance?
Fancy that, bronzed Aussie gets lost in the bush! Sets off without map or GPS, or spare provisions, into a place without roads or road signs! Well I never!
That would be leadership material, I guess?
Jacques, I’m with Elise. Tony is starting to look like a complete dill.
Future post-election headline: “Lost. Fossils croak.”
Hey, it’ll play very nicely among certain segments of the electorate. Mind you, I doubt most of ‘em would be swinging voters anyway.
But yes it’s clear the Lib leadershio strategy is now “Unlike that pasty faced Canberra wonk, I’m a virile bloke out there getting down and dirty with the natives, having adventures and calling in a beer strike, heh, heh.”
The problem is Tone, you’re 53 years old and the moment you do a hammy or a groin strain while being action man, the media will then leap on images of you hobbling around on crutches and wincing as you sit down.
Personally, I want my elected leaders to be calm, competent managers nor someone who’d fuck up continuity of government through unnecessary menopausal adventures.
Having said that, if I was genuinely lost in the outback, I’d probably prefer Tone to Kev as a useful member of the party. Until he did a hammy showing off.
Normally I don’t worry about my drunken typos but really
“…calm, competent managers nor someone who’d fuck up…”
only makes sense if “nor” is read as “not”.
Think of it as an online groin strain.
With apologies to David Bowie fans. What really happened…
Outback Oddity
Ground control to Major Tone
Ground control to Major Tone
Get those budgies off and put your slouch hat on
Ground control to Major Tone
Turn your quadbike’s engine on
Take some petrol and at least a map or two
10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 uh oh
This is ground control to Major Tone
You’re really very lost
And we don’t exactly know just where to look
But its doing wonders for sales of your book
This is Major Tone to ground control
I don’t know where I am
And my quadbike thought it knew which way to go
And I’m hopeless with mechanics, you know
So here am I sitting in the desert
Howling at the moon
Julie’s eyes are blue and there’s nothing I can do…
{spacey guitar solo}
Seems like it’s a hundred thousand miles
My quadbike’s very still
And I’m acting in a most peculiar way:
Tell them I thought I was Harold Holt today.
Ground control to Major Tone
You’re out of gas, pick up your phone
Can you hear me Major Tone?
Can you hear me Major Tone?
Can you hear me Major Tone?
Can you-
Here am I sitting in my office
Howling at the wall
Julia’s eyes are green and there’s nothing I can do…
{even more spacey guitar solo}
That explains it. The pitchuri bush was for Barnaby. Indiana Tones is the supplier.
@32: It was a joke, Joyce. You need to stop taking so many grumpy pills.
As a fifth-grader would’ve picked up from the headline, the tone of the article, and, if they were advanced or handy with a dictionary, the word “levity” in the title tags. Are you smarter than a fifth-grader?
@36 Jacques again with the inaccurate-strawman-caricature fail. I’ve been bush. And more than a few LPers live west of the sandstone curtain. Unlike the cocky loser Abbott, I took appropriate precautions. And I didn’t get lost.
BTW, 4 hours isn’t “lost”, it’s a minor detour!
Ewe2, very nice. MAybe he got lost looking for suffragette city?
Jacques @ 36, Abbott is a fuckwit. As others have mentioned already, anyone these days who heads off into an unfamiliar trackless waste without GPS, Sat phone, EPIRB (or whatever they’re called) on a quadbike! (vehicles not known for their stability) deserves to get lost and stay that way.
I don’t think anyone really believes that Abbott set it up as a media stunt – he lacks the required subtlety to pull it off. (So to speak: refer to the earlier thread about Tone gagging for a root on the campaign trail.)
@45 DI(nr).
Look, to save everyone some time, I’ve thoughtfully prepared this pro-forma for objectors:
Larvatus Prodeo Complaints Form
*******************************
I would like to make it known that I am Shocked and Appalled by your article entitled “{headline}” and hereby register Loud Denunciation of LP and All It Stands For.
Furthermore, I am certain that if LP readers ever (circle one) left their inner-city cafes/had a real job/got out of the ivory tower/ventured west of Katoomba, they would immediately see the error of their ways.
I must go now, there are some kids on my lawn.
Yours sincerely,
{insert name}
****************
That work for everybody?
New nickname – Topo Map Tone.
Mercurius @ 46 – nice one.
The LP Hive Mind has offended PaulW by not being PC enough.
To reboot the Hive Mind, switch off, give it a fresh cup of really hot Earl Grey tea and turn it on.
PaulW’s cognitive dissonance can probably best be alleviated by suitable medication. Apply Leader of the Opposition, Parliament House, Canberra.
the ABC journo called him Action Man Abbott…what a joke….more like Mr Magoo I reckon..
)
Wonderful thread. Needed the laugh. Fav comment is @20.
“PaulW’s cognitive dissonance can probably best be alleviated by suitable medication. Apply Leader of the Opposition, Parliament House, Canberra..”
New pitchuri stash expected in around Sunday.
Jacques, come on, Abbott was “lost” for two hours. Two hours! I’ve waited in queues longer than that. How do you think this got into the press gallery’s hands, replete with quotes and ancillary details? magic? telepathy?
Of course it was a stitch up, Abbott thought he was lost, recognised a pr opportunity, and proceeded to milk it like a donor at a sperm bank.
Of course, he wasn’t lost, just ignorant. An attitude Abbott frequently encapsulates.
It’s worked though, because ABC political correspondent Sabra Lane told us all, presumably with a straight face (hey it was radio) that Action Man Tone’s getting out and about and lost contrasted nicely with beauracratic, stuck in Canberra and boring Rudd.
No it wasn’t a media stunt and no really it was a good look for AMT.
And yes this professional journalist was serious.
GPS GPS GPS GPS GPS GPS
Jacques:
Cheer up, man, and stop playing the curmudgeon. As someone who spent (and is spending?) a lot of time in the Territory, you should know that the whole escapede displayed utter bushcraft Fail. For the love of god, they ran out of tires, petrol AND water.
Now I personally think that most of the fault lies with Ian Conway than with Tony Abbott. But shouldn’t Tone have had one of his staffers double check the arrangements before they went jaunting out? Perhaps buy a few extra billy-cans and a spare or two.
A Quad With No Name
On the first part of the journey
I was looking at all the life
There were drugs and turds
and rocks and things.
There was sand and hills and rings.
The first thing I met was The Joe with a buzz
and The Julie with no clouds.
The heat was hot
and the Erica was dry
but The Barnaby was full of sound.
[chorus]
I’ve been through the desert
on a Quad with no name
It felt good to look for a brain
In the desert,
you can’t remember your name
’cause there ain’t noone
for to give you no Pyne.
(Barnaby’s bit…)
La la… la lalala la lala la… la.. la.
la la… la lalala la lala la… la.. la.
After two hours in the desert sun
my skin began to turn red.
After three hours in the desert sun
I was looking at a hospital bed.
And the story it told of a promise that flowed
made me sad to think I was dead.
[chorus]
After four hours, I let the quad run free
’cause the desert had turned to sea.
There were drugs and turds
and rocks and things.
There was sand and hills and rings.
The media is a desert
with its life underground
and a perfect disguise above.
Under the city
lies a heart made of ground
but the voters will give no love.
[chorus]
I’ll print a copy of that, Mercurius @ 46. I can see it coming in handy over the months and years ahead.
cybercynic @ 54 – applause! (I always loathed that song, but your parody breathed some life into it.)
Bouquets and plaudits for cybercynic.
I’m noticing a disturbing trend in commentary elsewhere on this incident to blame the whole incident on “aboriginal trackers abandoning Abbott”, and implying that it was an aboriginal tourist organisation who organised the whole expedition.
What a bald-faced lie. They need to read Paul Toohey’s account of events more carefully, not just read the misleading headline some subbie gave it (possibly actionable, too). The trip was organised and led by pastoralist Ian Conway, who invited a few senior traditional owners who had never been to that area to come along with Abbott and the journos to see the sacred sites that he had not been to see himself for 30 years. Everybody in that party was Conway’s guest, and he didn’t know the territory as well as he told them he did.
Conway didn’t take a map, didn’t take a GPS emergency beacon, didn’t take a compass, didn’t take water, didn’t show anybody else how to operate the satellite phone and didn’t turn back once fuel reserves were at the halfway mark. He never found the sacred sites he was looking for.
Conway abandoned the party beside Fossil Creek to take the youngest indigenous man in the party to find some patchuri, saying he’d only be 20 minutes. Conway told those waiting for him that they’d find water a short walk along the creek bed, but didn’t check for himself that his memory was correct. It wasn’t.
The other indigenous elders stayed with Abbott, but because they didn’t know the country they were just as lost as the rest of them. The senior elder, Anselem Impu, said that he could find their way back by following their tracks except that they didn’t have enough fuel to get all the way back to where they had started, because Conway had refused to consider turning back earlier.
More than 2 hours later Conway and Junior Impu returned. Instead of calling Kings Creek on the satellite phone, which he alone knew how to use, to tell them what was happening, he just set off to try and find the way home, racing ahead of the rest on his larger bike and almost losing them again. Apparently nobody else thought of asking him to use the sat-phone at this point either, or maybe they didn’t think he’d listen – he hadn’t listened to anybody else all day, after all.
Conway is the irresponsible twerp who failed to adequately prepare with basic bush safety items for heading into the desert, and who then pushed on past the point of having sufficient fuel for everybody’s vehicles to return. So why has Conway’s name hardly been mentioned except as some sort of larrikin adventurer?
I think this story is going to play really well with the electorate.
Tone is obviously a real man, getting out there and getting dirty.
Unlike that librarian in the lodge.
(Please ignore the trip Rudd and Joe Hockey did along the Kokoda Track. It’s out of scope.)
Oh but tssk, that Kokoda Track trip was done with adult supervision (unlike Tone’s Big Adventure), so it doesn’t count.
So, tigtog, Conway’s a fuckwit too. No surprises that Tone would hang out with him then.
DI (nr) – that’s it exactly. Conway is “a pastoralist with strong conservative views, whom Abbott had come to visit and to discuss economic opportunities for Aboriginal land owners”.
Does anyone think Conway’s thought through the possible consequences of whatever his bright ideas for Aboriginal land owners are with adequate consideration of what could happen in less than ideal circumstances, given his cowboy* attitude to this expedition?
* Apologies to actual genuine cowboys, who would have better bushcraft
You are missing the point there tigtog. What part did Peter Garrett play in sloppy organisation of this venture?
It appears that yes, he is a dude rancher, and TT is right to speculate about his potential safety record.
Some one commented on the lack of Barnaby’s in depth response to the hospital funding initiative (after all he is the Opposition Finance Spokesperson)
May I remind you …
The Famous Pig Barnaby Song
(Apologies to Clarke Van Ness)
‘Twas an evening with red Kerry, I’ll confess I wasn’t ready,
I was emphasising a debt with manly pride,
When my tongue began to stutter and I fell into the gutter,
And Joe came up and lay down by my side.
Then I lay there in the gutter and my heart was all a-flutter,
Till a lady, passing by, did chance to say:
“You can tell a man that bam boozes by the company he chooses,”
Then Joe got up and slowly walked away.
Walked away, walked away,
He was really too particular to stay.
“You can tell a man that bam boozes by the company he chooses,”
Then Joe got up and slowly walked away.
You people are a riot………..Not!
About the only person who showed any signs of common sense on this little journey was Tony Abbott.
As for the other members of this party well let’s see.
If Ian Conway wanted some pituri of which there is four varieties in Central Australia, Rock pituri ( nicotiana gossei) is the most desired all he had to do was go across the road and up to the base of the George Gill Range about 15 minutes away and he would have found plenty. I had a couple of camps sites up there for my tours and the stuff grew taller than me.
Pituri was collected and was stored to dry out where it was crushed up and mixed with the ash of certain burnt Acacia trees. Mixed into balls or sticks they would be placed in the mouth between the gum and cheek where the soft tissue helped the narcotic enter the body quicker. It gave a sense of well being and was said to lessen the feeling of thirst and hunger which was helpful when bands were moving between water sources…….But hey you bright sparks knew that anyway……
The behaviour shown by Ian Conway is typical… the man was very unpredictable at the best of times. I watched him mount his frontend loader one day and proceed to scoop up a heap of luggage from a tour and dump it on the other side of the highway all because he decided there and then that he did not like this group…….About 2 years ago a mate of mine watched in horror as the joy flight helicopter lost control on the helipad and spun out of control into the pad with 3 of his tour pax on board. After my friend rescued his pax Ian came down with his tractor and dragged the wreckage off into the Mulga scrub because it did not look good in front of his station.
We use to use the local traditional owners from Lila near the station…Nice guys but at the start of every cultural tour you would be stressing about how hung-over or stoned they would be….I know that some of them have since moved on so maybe things have changed….
Trackers…..HA!…… A bloke went missing years ago up above the station and they brought in the trackers…they became lost and had to be rescued by the chopper and the missing bloke was found the next day.
Don’t laugh about only being lost for 2 hours. I have seen people go down in 40 minutes and watched people die in two hours in and around that area….Another mate of mine came across a lady and performed CPR for close to 15 minutes before Rangers arrived and told him to get out of the way, there is a procedure to follow they said…..My fellow guides begged for them to get a helicopter airborne and to move her off the car park and into shade….. She died with the bitumen melting into her skin as the Rangers went about procedure….
As for this bullshit about Abbott not having a GPS and SATPHONE, Kings Creek Station is a well know tourist destination…..It is Ian Conway’s responsibility to make sure that visitors have adequate food and water and are looked after at all times. You never ever as a guide take off and leave people on their own in that sort of environment for hours at a time.
Anyway all’s well that ends well……At least 4 people did not die….billions has not been wasted and the Outback didn’t catch fire……..Ian stated that he is taking out Kev next week…..Great idea, this time leave him out there as he has done enough damage already.
Geez, Sparrow, you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, do you?
I waited with baited breath throughout your splenetic post for you to tell us what was the “common sense” that Abbott displayed, but after you’d got to the end of slagging off us, Ian Conway, the Aboriginal trackers, and Kevin Rudd, I guess it slipped your expansive and variegated mind.
Do get back to us, though. We can’t wait.
Ex Policeman’s Peter Dutton, showing his mastery of the health portfolio, writes up Tone’s Big Trip as a response to the the Health Funding Initiative..
Apologies to the Mindless Drug Hoovers (no really that’s their name)
One sunny day Tony was riding his bike and smoking a pitchuri’cause thats what he likes,
A policeman stopped and and began to stare and he said,
“Hey Tony what you smokin there?”
Tone said…
“its a pitchuri do you want some policeman,
its a pitchuri do you want a blast,
its a pitchuri do you want some policeman,
or would u prefer me to shove it up your … portfolio?”
This deserves repeating: none of the indigenous men in the party that day were trackers at all. They were two senior traditional owners who had been invited to see the sacred sites, and the youngish son of one of them, all of whom were there as guests, not as guides. Conway was the only guide, and while he is of indigenous descent on his mother’s side, he is not a traditional owner and is not a tracker either. He was the host.
So, no “aboriginal trackers” abandoned anybody. Conway’s recklessness seems to deserve a certain degree of slagging, but the other indigenous men in the party were as much a victim of it as the journos and pollies.
I think that’s the most direct replies I’ve ever received in an LP thread. I must use “LP hivemind” more often.
My point: Abbott got lost, and yes, he was a dill for not having extra water and an EPIRB (at the very least). People have died in similar circumstances. But the idea that he did it deliberately? Get a grip people.
“But the idea that he did it deliberately?”
Abbott has quite a history of not taking precautions or responsibility.
Two hours off a road on a quadbike ain’t lost. He can’t even do that properly. Two days down the wrong gorge in the Kanangra-Boyd NP, standing atop an impassable and unjumpable waterfall that isn’t marked on your map. That’s lost. Wrong spur, wrong ridge, wrong gorge. Tip for the future Tones: set fire to the quadbike to keep warm at night.
Bravo cybercynic just for reminding me of the Mindless Drug Hoovers! Mercurius @46 you’re giving me ideas but that song should wait for the next Abbott family planning meeting.
Anthony Nolan @ 74 – Ouch, sounds like fun…even in the Bluies 50m can make the difference between the 2 hour canyon and the 2 week canyon! Maybe we should send Tone out towards Cloudmaker (crosscountry) and see if he can make it back unassisted?
Gee, Mecurius, After 68 not very nice comments mine at 69 got to you!!
I’m still undecided about Abbott but in his defense his concern about Conway speeding off ahead of the group and Abbotts attempts to catch up with him to get him to slow down shows some sort of common sense and concern for others……The fact that he serves as a Surf Life Saver and Firefighter suggests he is not quite the Anti Christ!!!!
I must say Tigtog that Conway is not a bad tracker at all and as for the elders present they should be trackers as it was taught to all members of a tribe starting at a young age … The women were very good at this and would always pass on this knowledge to the children as they moved across the land. Sadly it is not passed on to a large degree anymore……I still find that the women are more interested and eager to pass on to me plant knowledge and uses. The reports in the story of the elders being lost is of no great revelation as traditional owners they just don’t move about their homelands as they use to and as I found don’t particularly want to.
As you say Ian Conway is the dill in all this and some of the suggestions that it was staged are laughable
steveh: ’twas a long time ago but lesson never forgotten. Can’t for the life of me make sense of a GPS but now carry a personal EPIRB even on a day trip. And yeah, reckon Cloudmaker maketh the (wo)man.
Jaques Chester @ 72 “The idea that he did it deliberately?” We did get a grip. Do you really imagine that if he were seriously lost we would have gone for the jugular?
It’s called irony, JC, or satire depending on the angle used.
Tony’s accident proneness gave us all an opportunity to enjoy ourselves, that’s all. Anyway, what’s said on this site is a damn more civilised than the stuff the right throw around with much less cause and humour.
Of course it wasn’t a stunt. Of COURSE it wasn’t.
…that we know of!
Mercurius: don’t you mean: that we know of?
The Sparrow @77: “As you say Ian Conway is the dill in all this…”
Yep. Ian Conway was poorly prepared, and led Abbott and his entourage on a wild goose chase which didn’t achieve its objective (aside from the MSM ones)…
Hope Abbott doesn’t make a habit of putting himself (and his people) in the hands of such dodgy types? We might wonder about his judgement?
@82 Stop laughing…this is serious!
@The Sparrow
I bow to your superior local knowledge about the known/likely tracking skills of the indigenous men in the party. The point remains however that the 3 traditional owners in the party were not acting on that day as either guides or trackers for the party, they were simply 3 more of Conway’s guests in unfamiliar territory, so any discussion that includes guff about “abandoned by aboriginal trackers” is right out of order.
I agree that the one spark of common sense shown by Abbott was in getting Conway to slow down for the straggling riders as they returned to their transport vehicles. It’s not a great recommendation that it took Abbott until that late in the day to do something sensible though. It seems to have been blindingly obvious to the journos that Conway was a loose cannon – so why didn’t it strike either Abbott or his staffers to do a basic bush safety equipment check before heading off? After all, having Conway as the only person who knows how to operate the SatPhone isn’t very useful if he flips his quadbike and suffers a serious head injury, is it? (speaking of which, did they even have a first aid kit?)
“(speaking of which, did they even have a first aid kit?)”
Hell no! These guys aren’t pansies. That would have taken up beer room on the quad.
Joe2 @86, very good!!!
Perhaps they thought of medicinal whiskey, you know, the single malt stuff?
Tigtog……..Point taken, I get a bit miffed when I hear the word “traditional owner” thrown about as my experience with blackfellas is that it doesn’t take much to be a traditional owner these days but hey that’s politics which they have learnt from us whitefellas anyway so you can’t blame them for that……everyone is milking the system!!!
When a friend of mine helped set up and run the quad tours there years ago there were first aid kits and sat phones as well…..it’s just common sense, in fact it is part of your public liability insurance I think.
I think Ian Conway was just looking for a quick photo grab of his business as the area they were in is accessible with 4WD Troop carriers which would have been much more comfortable and a lot safer.
Surely 4WD troop carriers would have been irresistible to Abbott as a macho statement. But then, the macho toys-for-the-boys, bush bashin’ greenie hatin’ image of the quad bikes suits him to a T, too. Watch the Herald Sun and Devine lap it up.
@74
Anthony, but after two days bush bashing in the Kanangra-Boyd you’d only be a few hundred meters from the car, so it couldn’t have been that bad, and the path you’d pushed through the bush would be obvious behind you…
I just reckon it’s reprehensible that as a member of the former Govt., who did sfa for the indigenous population over 12 long years, this bible bashing fraud has now decided to use the very communities he neglected to gain political cudos.
Can someone please pass me the chuck-bucket?
Can’t wait to see tomorrows front page over at the OZ. “Big Grub Eats little Grub”.
“The reports in the story of the elders being lost is of no great revelation as traditional owners they just don’t move about their homelands as they use to and as I found don’t particularly want to.”
I am inclined to believe the Crikey story that called the “lost reports” for the “bullshit” that they most likely are. As if those blokes could not find their way back with all those quad tracks, just for a start. They were just keen to wait for Conway’s return, regardless of the possible inconvenience.
Tony’s main fear was losing a comfortable bed for the night and would have called in a helicopter if he had been able to.
http://www.crikey.com.au/2010/03/04/lostnearfossilcreek-abbott-quadbikes-through-the-top-end/
Yes that’s right LJS @90 it was a breeze. In fact last year I nearly damn killed myself and both kids on a long walk into the Budawangs during which ground water that I assumed would be available at the end of the day … just wasn’t. Never seen the bush so dry. We spent a dry night before setting back and wetting our whistles literally licking soaks off rocks in the predawn. No shortage of real adventures once you leave the truck behind.
Apparently young Liberal insiders are all atwitter.
What brilliant planning of Tony’s,
To ride quads instead of the ponies.
He just plugs the exhaust
In the desert; gets lost
And again he shows off his cojones.
@joe2
Exactly. They weren’t lost, they were out of contact and could potentially have been be-nighted, which happens to bushwalkers with some regularity i.e. not getting back to your transport out at the ETA and setting up camp for the night instead. So long as one is carrying the right contingency equipment, this is never a big deal.
The main problem with just following the quad tracks appears to have been that they had followed a circuitous route to the point where Conway went looking for pituri, so they didn’t have enough fuel to retrace their steps and were relying on Conway for a shortcut back to the way that they had come in. But this still doesn’t equate with being ‘lost’.
The fact that the only number that Abbott claims to be able remember was that of his press secretary is strongly suggestive of the assiduity with which Abbott and his spin doctors have been burnishing Abbott’s meretricious new public persona (and sadly suggestive of the deficiency of Abbott’s long term memory).
Indiana Abbott and the search for the Lost Pitchuri.
coming to a screen near you.
Watch our hero as he battles heat, dust, “Native” trackers, rougue entrepeneurs and dodgy quad bikes in his search for the elusive elixer of political life.
(alternative Plotline… See Our fearless Leader keep his Faustian Pact with the devil (The Australian) by replenishing the Shanahan/Milne stash of Newspoll interperatives)
“WERELOSTNEARFOSSILCREEK”
Yep Katz @97. The above message sent by Abbott, while not delivered, was taken for granted by the media and has become a common truth.
Jacques Chester@36 …”IT WUZ AN INSIDE JOB” because no one had been talking “lost”
until Tony started the ball rolling by attempting to text his own press secretary, of all people.
tigtog – only inclined to believe the Crikey story? Your words:-
“Conway didn’t take a map, didn’t take a GPS emergency beacon, didn’t take a compass, didn’t take water, didn’t show anybody else how to operate the satellite phone and didn’t turn back once fuel reserves were at the halfway mark. He never found the sacred sites he was looking for.”
Or said he was looking for! He had something quite else in mind. Whatever his madcap reputation this is about a man in whom survival skills would be ingrained and another, a trained firefighter, for whom bush safety rules would be second nature. They didn’t forget those rules. They ignored them because they knew they were safe. They also knew that following even one would ruin their story.
So who else was in the loop? Surely not Paul Toohey. He was there to chronicle the event, and to show how manfully our alternative PM behaved behind under pressure! Authentic reporting required his being kept in the dark.
A bit too authentic perhaps. He picked up the joking about the Harold Holt drama even before the expedition took off. What an unlikely idea to be floating around in arid inland Australia! Anyway if safety was already an issue in someone’s mind why weren’t the usual second nature bush survival rules followed?
And the supposedly almost indecipherable text message to Abbott’s press officer? My ten year here got it in a few seconds!
After watching the sanctimonious Abbott wheeling out that poor old Aboriginal lady in her hospital gown last night I had no doubts at all that the “lost in the desert” saga was a set up. That man is capable of any deceit.
This one was just too pretty. I’m with Crikey and Clarke and Dawe on that.
Yes, PatriciaWa@100, Clarke and Dawe said all that needs to be said, last night.
The only phone number Abbott could remember was his press secretary’s, hahahaha
Crikey, grace, he’ll be in trouble from his missus, then. (First rule for domestic bliss is to never ever forget to call your significant other before anyone else.)
David Irving (no relation)
is that why he was looking for the native analgaesic?
[light goes on!]
(Although I thought pituri was a deleriant.)
David Irving (no relation)
Analgaesic for spousal application
Delriant for self administration
Also known to cure financial flatulance .. so taking it home for Barnaby may help
More on Pituri.
Down and Out of Sài Gòn
So its botanical name is Duboisia hopwoodii …. I propose that it be renamed.
My suggestions would be
Abbotii Footinmouthi
or
Abbotti Pointlesstrippi
@Patricia WA
I haven’t actually read the Crikey story, I was simply agreeing with joe2′s summary that the idea of them being “lost” simply because they were out of contact for a few hours is rubbish. You seem to agree with that as well.
As to whether it was a planned media stunt or not, I’m not rushing to judgement. It’s possible, certainly.
Warning: stay off the Pituri!
Side effects may prove dangerous.
Lost in the desert for 4 hours! If only it were 4 years and who knows, he might emerge with a couple of stone tablets under his arms! Burning bush,anyone?
Obviously his adventure in the bush didn’t alter our Tone one little bit, Daisey May.
Starting to look like a complete dill, Zoot @39?
Joe2
that is seriously weird.
probably gives you an idea of what the sing-a-long around the campfire that night would have been like if our Tone hadn’t been rescued…
Yer, it is a bit cyber. Russian, 70′s trippy at a guess.
joe2 – how do you find these things?
Thanks for reminding me. Does Pituri rhyme with Yuri as in Gagarin? Sounds like ‘pitchooree’? Or pitturi? I would appreciate early advice on that!
It’s all too delicious to let it drop, whether planned or not, tigtog. The public should be reminded of Abbotts Lost Pollie Adventure as often as possible, not to emphasize his machismo but to point out his ruthlessness/recklessness/carelessness
or whatever. Take your pick.
As he proudly strides into the unknown I can only hope our Tones follows the example of such fine explorers as Leichhardt, Burke and Wills, etc etc
pitchuree
Mike Carlton in The Age today (Saturday):
Q: Why didn’t the dingoes take Tony Abbott when he was lost in the desert ?
A: Professional courtesy.
Thanks for that Paul @ 115. Here’s why I needed to know!
Tony Abbott’s famous trial
Created headlines mile on mile,
His guilt it seems writ large
Cos arson is the charge.
He’d set Waringah all aflame
So he’d achieve much wide acclaim
In fighting back the fire till it was dead.
That’s what the prosecution said.
But remember Tony is a local hero
The chances of his guilt seem zero.
Of all his colleagues none defected
Had petitions far and wide collected.
When at last he had his day in court
He stood there manly as he ought
Proclaiming he was innocent
With absolutely nothing to repent.
His lawyers claimed in his defence
He’d unwittingly been influenced
By a sacred and mysterious weed
When teaching Aboriginals to read.
The trial is long and still on-going.
National debate just keeps on growing.
How likely is it judge and jury
Will acquit and blame instead Pituri?
I liked that, Patricia.
Don’t think Pitchuri is a sacred and mysterious weed though. In his Prehistory of Australia Mulvaney suggested it was traded right across the continent. My interpretation of his evidence is that it was used in pre-European Aboriginal culture a bit like we use grog.Don’t think its up there with Amerindian psychedelics.)
In my wasted yoof, knowing nothing about how to use it,and not then having hardly any knowledge of Aboriginal culture, when a whitefella friend of mine brought sonme down from the NT to King’s Cross, we smoked it. It was very rough on the throat and lungs, and had absolutely no effect that I can remember. So I guess you have to chew it.
@68
“I have seen people go down in 40 minutes and watched people die in two hours”
How was that then, the watching people die part I mean? Of course most of the latte lefties here probably couldn’t take, bloody girl’s blouses would step and try to do something rather than let nature take it course eh? Glad to see Australia is still the kind of place that can breed this kind of toughness. Hopefully you receive the recognition you deserve and so obviously crave. What a tosser.
Paul @ 118 Thanks for your comment – I should have put the reference to the sacred and myserious weed into inverted commas since I did know that it was a fairly straightforward stimulant. I was however trying imply that Tony’s defence team were doing a bit of subtle dog whistling and blame shifting sotto voce as it were. In other words he had been unwittingly brought under the influence of not only a mind altering drug, but that it might have been administered deliberately with malign intent, wink wink, nuff said. Obviously needs a bit more work, or perhaps the inverted commas will do the trick.
Patricia WA,
I don’t know about now, but in pre-European times I think pitchuri had the value equivalent of a very expensive imported Scotch in those areas in which it was traded. Don’t presently have a copy of Mulvaney on my bookshelves. Mine was falling apart and I chucked it out as a second updated edition came out a few years ago but I haven’t got round to replacing the old copy yet. So I can’t give you the items it was traded for, but I do remember they were of coastal provenance and rare in inland Australia, and so of equivalent value there.
Not so unlikely
Some firemen court the flames
Conspiring to hide their shames.
They covet the tongues that lick,
But end them before they stick.
Local hero is the result,
The media keen to consult,
Not aware of desperation,
Nor of the future’s damnation.